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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What to do with inheritance?

88 replies

GottonamechangeNow17 · 04/06/2017 21:17

So my wonderful wonderful Granny died a few months ago leaving no proper will; There are 3 children and 7 grandchildren (and 9 great grandchildren of whom she met one; my dd). Granny did often gave me things when I visited..diamond jewellery was biggest gift;(I always tried to give back but she was always adamant they were for me and my relatives would descend on her things once she was gone) ; i am only grandchild to visit often as we lived near her; and my siblings who also live close haven't seen her in 3 years. We've each been really lucky and left a sum of money; my siblings are being allowed to use as they wish (holidays; additional cars; etc) but our parents are telling me what I am "allowed" to spend mine on. Mine is more than everyone else's counting in all the jewellery, as I bothered with my Granny; I saw her as much as I could and took my dd to see her often. Dd was also left money which she isn't being given as no other great grandchild was left any (because they never even met her / haven't been born yet).so... my AIBU is to ask if it's ok to spend my
InheritAnce on the holiday my granny always wanted me to go on, and esp since dd was born? Or should I save it and spend on house stuff like I'm being told?

OP posts:

Original poster

GottonamechangeNow17 · 04/06/2017 22:59

I was given jewellery about ten years ago: my
grandad loved jewellery and brought granny loads.what I have in parents safe is about £10,000. I just don't like I can't have any of
The money!!

OP posts:

QueenofEsgaroth · 04/06/2017 23:01

Get insurance and your jewellery in your own safe and change your locks!

Shewhomustgowithoutname · 04/06/2017 23:07

Oh dear. See the phraseology there is what concerns me. "I just don't like I cant have any of the money". When dealing with the money of a person who died sometimes people can get overwhelmed by the responsibility of it. It is the last thing the dead person can give and there will be no more if the money is used unwisely. Also if the parents are wealthy they could be using this to measure what you would do with money.
I still don't think they should just walk into your house. I think it is wise for family/friends have a spare key for houses but that is a trust thing. They should not use those keys without permission and if there is no emergency.

PaintingByNumbers · 04/06/2017 23:08

but why is it in your parents safe? have you asked for it? if you dont, it wont be considered yours by your parents I bet

Pallisers · 04/06/2017 23:17

So your brothers were given their money and you aren't because you are a woman? Good luck trying to change that attitude at this point.

What do they want you to do with the money as a matter of interest?

As for the jewellery - tell them you'll be collecting it next time you are over and see what happens. I think you'll be surprised.

Sorka · 05/06/2017 00:09

Your parents have no intention of letting you get your hands on the jewellery. They think it's theirs, but seeing as you think you're letting them keep hold of it for safe keeping, they're not bothering to argue with you.

I think you need to take your jewellery next time you're round and demand your inheritance, even though you have a vagina instead of a penis.

Are there cultural issue at play or are they just sexist?

C0untDucku1a · 05/06/2017 00:21

This sounds appalling

TheweewitchRoz · 05/06/2017 00:32

Why is it in your parents safe? Do you know if it's even still there? From how you've described things, it sounds like you'll never get your hands on that jewellery unfortunately.

ChasedByBees · 05/06/2017 01:22

I also suspect they may try and keep the jewellery. :(

What would you need to say to release the money from them do you think? I would say that, get the money and then barely see them again as they treat you terribly.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 05/06/2017 07:50

If the jewellery was given 10 years ago you are fine to have it, but you do need to go get it.

Leave the money for now, get the jewellery first as you do have a legal right (not just moral right) to that, but your parents could get difficult long term if they decide you aren't to be trusted with it.

Then you might need to let go of the idea of the money, keep repeating to them that you'll make no plans for how you will spend money you don't have, although you think less of them that they treat their children so differently. Refuse to discuss how you'll spend it as you don't have it and you don't believe they actually intend to ever give you the money.

Roussette · 05/06/2017 08:06

None of this can or will happen because there is no will. There will be channels to go through and your Gran's Estate will be distributed as per someone who died intestate. So I wouldn't be planning a Disney holiday

ElspethFlashman · 05/06/2017 08:12

The jewellery etc is in my parents safe as it's worth a lot of money and they kept it. The money has been given to my siblings and cousins but my parents have kept mine as apparently they don't trust me to spend it wisely

Sorry OP, but you do realise you will never see either the jewellery or money again, right?

And since there's no will there's no proof that they belong to you. There's no proof that your Granny gifted the items to you and not your Mum, is there?

oleoleoleole · 05/06/2017 08:20

Tell your parents you want it for X and spend it on Y. Or tell them you want to lay some of,your mortgage off or invest it.

Get your jewellery out of their safe and install it in one of your own.

Next time they let themselves Into your house at 8am simulate loud sex and appear out of the bedroom all flushed and hopefully they'll not do it again. Or put a bolt on the door so that eve. If they've a key they can't gain access.

Basically stop their controlling behaviour!

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