Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What to do with inheritance?

88 replies

GottonamechangeNow17 · 04/06/2017 21:17

So my wonderful wonderful Granny died a few months ago leaving no proper will; There are 3 children and 7 grandchildren (and 9 great grandchildren of whom she met one; my dd). Granny did often gave me things when I visited..diamond jewellery was biggest gift;(I always tried to give back but she was always adamant they were for me and my relatives would descend on her things once she was gone) ; i am only grandchild to visit often as we lived near her; and my siblings who also live close haven't seen her in 3 years. We've each been really lucky and left a sum of money; my siblings are being allowed to use as they wish (holidays; additional cars; etc) but our parents are telling me what I am "allowed" to spend mine on. Mine is more than everyone else's counting in all the jewellery, as I bothered with my Granny; I saw her as much as I could and took my dd to see her often. Dd was also left money which she isn't being given as no other great grandchild was left any (because they never even met her / haven't been born yet).so... my AIBU is to ask if it's ok to spend my
InheritAnce on the holiday my granny always wanted me to go on, and esp since dd was born? Or should I save it and spend on house stuff like I'm being told?

OP posts:
AyeAmarok · 04/06/2017 22:25

Do you have a history of passing money up the wall, honestly?

AyeAmarok · 04/06/2017 22:25

pissing

Original poster
GottonamechangeNow17 · 04/06/2017 22:26

Thanks all..I can afford this holiday otherwise I just really like idea it's Granny sending us on it! Not a big big holiday! Just Euro Disney and Eiffel Tower and boat trip.. but doing everything spectacularly. Would stil have some left over for a sunny holiday too; or new sofa..

OP posts:
Shewhomustgowithoutname · 04/06/2017 22:27

I have gone back and read an OP post again. I read it the wrong way. I realise now that what was meant was that she would treasure anything that had belonged to Grandmother even a piece of tinfoil.
Apologies for my error.

Brittbugs80 · 04/06/2017 22:27

It still makes no sense. If there was a Will or the letter is legal and approved by the Solicitors then your shares of it would not be passed to your parents to pass on. The Solicitor dealing with probate would pass it directly to you and put your daughters share into trust.

It sounds like your parents have been left the money and are choosing how to distribute it, while this may not seem fair, it's perfectly legal as it's their money. It's also not fair how they are dangling it in front of you and expecting you to dance to their tune in order to receive it.

If I were you, I'd forget about the money, change your locks or at least fit bolts and carry on with your life and make it clear that you're 35 and not a child.

Inheritance and money does funny things to families.

BeyondDespairandRepair · 04/06/2017 22:29

op take your dd to Efteling instead - its a wonderful theme park in holland - as easy to get too as disney and far cheaper and nicer. Smile as other PP have said - sadly this stuff is not yours - as painful and annoying as that sounds. Let go of it. Its all you can do and also by doing so let go of their hold over you.

TheNoseyProject · 04/06/2017 22:30

First - change your locks and do NOT give them a key.

Second - go to the stately homes thread on
Mumsnet

Third - what will it require to get the cash? If you agree to their demands will it be transferred or only after you've done what was ordered? If first, then say you will and then do what you like.

Four - buy own safe and transfer jewlery to your own house or store in safe deposit box at bank (I suspect your folks do not see this as yours though...)

228agreenend · 04/06/2017 22:32

If they won't give it to, go through the small claims court. You do it online, no real,courts needed.

I echo,the other posts about changing the locks and getting some boundaries ( or moving far, far away).

PaintingByNumbers · 04/06/2017 22:32

jewellery given to you before she died is yours though, is this at your parents and if so, why?

Original poster
GottonamechangeNow17 · 04/06/2017 22:33

Nope no history for pissing money up against a wall..I'm just a girl which isn't a recognised person in my family

Granny had lots of strokes so never wrote a will in it's proper sense; but we all knew who saw her what she wanted to happen. But yes money passes on to her children and they were meant to pass it on accordingly..all of them are millionaires so no big deal!

OP posts:
TheweewitchRoz · 04/06/2017 22:33

Oh Op, your parents sound horrendous - horrible & controlling. Change the locks on your house don't let them anywhere fucking near you.

CoolCarrie · 04/06/2017 22:33

Use your money how you want, on what you want, and don't let your parents boss you around. Go on holiday and raise a glass to your granny, when you get there.

Hulder · 04/06/2017 22:35

Accept you will never see the money or the jewellery and change the locks.

Your life will be 100% better for it.

PaintingByNumbers · 04/06/2017 22:35

it sounds like 2 generations who like playing games of favourites with people, first your granny then your parents. it sucks.

Shewhomustgowithoutname · 04/06/2017 22:35

If you are a responsible with money type of person I can not see why your parents have passed money to others and not you. Perhaps they do not approve of a partner. Perhaps they hope you use the money for something long term. A holiday is about a week a car is about 5 years even a house could be temporary if long term. You should ask your parents what they think is the right use of the money and why most importantly. Are you the youngest in the family?
To sort this out you have to ask the right questions.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 04/06/2017 22:37

It sounds like the 3 children of "Granny" inherited all her estate in the absence of a will, the other 2 children have honoured the letter and given their DCs some money out of their share, your the OP's parents have honoured the letter in respect to some of their DCs, but not the OP and not her DD.

If the jewellery was gifted to the OP some time before Granny died, then surely that's separate and belongs to her (although there might be some IT to pay on it if it was less than 7 years ago), therefore OP, I would accept that your parents have behaved shittily to favour some of their children over others, but you have no right to the money, so let it go - make it clear to your parents you either want them to hand it over or not, if it's 'not' then they need to shut up about it, you aren't interested in jumping through hoops, it's yours or it's not, you won't discuss what you'll do with it. (Don't tell them about the holiday, tell them you refuse to discuss it).

The jewellery I would get out of their "safe keeping" into your home, if need be pay for a safe deposit box at a bank to store it. Otherwise you'll find everyone decides it belongs to your parents and they decide you can't be 'trusted' with it so leave it to a favoured sibling instead.

Your family dynamic sounds terrible. Give your parents no way of controlling you.

Voice0fReason · 04/06/2017 22:37

Without a Will, you're not actually entitled to anything, it should be split equally between your Granny's children. If your parents choose to follow the letter and give you a share, that's up to them.

You clearly have serious issues with your parents that runs much deeper than this issue. You need to address that.

DisorderedAllsorts · 04/06/2017 22:38

Buy new locks, don't give them a spare set of keys and slowly introduce boundaries.

Nod and smile every time they mention money and carry on regardless, it will infuriate them. They want you to beg and plead with them for the money, they want to feel charitable. Don't give them that satisfaction.

Don't mentally spend the cash before it's in your account, if you get it then fine and if you don't then that's fine too.

If you do get the money, put it away in a 60 day notice account or premium bonds for a while so you don't spend it on crap. Build up savings for a rainy day or your dd's university fund.

notapizzaeater · 04/06/2017 22:39

You are relying on their good wishes to pass the money on, I'd just forget about it and change the locks

InvisibleKittenAttack · 04/06/2017 22:39

Ah, other siblings are boys, makes sense. Let me guess, you don't have a nice sensible husband who can be trusted to make sure you don't spent it all on kittens and fripperies? Hmm

This money will never be yours. Accept it's shit, but your Granny's lack of will caused that. Move on.

supadupapupascupa · 04/06/2017 22:40

cant you just buy something they would approve of, get the money to pay for it, return the goods and go on holiday?

Siwdmae · 04/06/2017 22:43

Request the money for you and your dd. Really insist. Retrieve the jewellery. Change your locks pdq!

cherish123 · 04/06/2017 22:48

It is up to you but the advice to spend on the house is sensible. If you used it for a big holiday you might regret it. Could you go on a smaller holiday and have some left? Ultimately, you know your finances. I inherited money and spent on a holiday and frittered the rest away. A few years later, when I needed a new kitchen I did regret it a bit.

vdbfamily · 04/06/2017 22:50

if you can afford the trip without the inheritance, say you are spending inheritance on house stuff and then spend your own money on the holiday.

StaplesCorner · 04/06/2017 22:51

I also want to say the issue here is your controlling, manipulative parents - forget the money. The question is - what are you prepared to do about it?

Swipe left for the next trending thread