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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What to do with inheritance?

88 replies

GottonamechangeNow17 · 04/06/2017 21:17

So my wonderful wonderful Granny died a few months ago leaving no proper will; There are 3 children and 7 grandchildren (and 9 great grandchildren of whom she met one; my dd). Granny did often gave me things when I visited..diamond jewellery was biggest gift;(I always tried to give back but she was always adamant they were for me and my relatives would descend on her things once she was gone) ; i am only grandchild to visit often as we lived near her; and my siblings who also live close haven't seen her in 3 years. We've each been really lucky and left a sum of money; my siblings are being allowed to use as they wish (holidays; additional cars; etc) but our parents are telling me what I am "allowed" to spend mine on. Mine is more than everyone else's counting in all the jewellery, as I bothered with my Granny; I saw her as much as I could and took my dd to see her often. Dd was also left money which she isn't being given as no other great grandchild was left any (because they never even met her / haven't been born yet).so... my AIBU is to ask if it's ok to spend my
InheritAnce on the holiday my granny always wanted me to go on, and esp since dd was born? Or should I save it and spend on house stuff like I'm being told?

OP posts:

Eeeeek2 · 04/06/2017 21:56

You NEED to spend some of the money on new locks

GU24Mum · 04/06/2017 21:57

It sounds as if the letter isn't binding so your parents are presumably giving you part of their share? I guess in that case they can offer it for X and you can either accept, ask if you can use it for Y or say no. If you're legally entitled to it, you can do what you want with it but otherwise it's no different from someone offering you money for a specific purpose - you can ask to use it for something else but if that's a no on their part you either have to accept or turn it down. Sorry, that probably sounds harsher than it's meant to - it's suppose to be a "not great but that's probably how it is" answer iyswim.

PaintingByNumbers · 04/06/2017 21:58

thats my take as well GU24Mum

TestTubeTeen · 04/06/2017 22:00

Where is the money now?

Has it been distributed according to the letter she left?

Wait til you have the money and then do whatever you want with it.

What do you mean Dd 'isn't being given' her money? Who has got it?

bimbobaggins · 04/06/2017 22:02

I don't understand why you put up with this behaviour. Change your locks as a matter of urgency!
As for the inheritance, spend it on whatever you want. im usually mrs sensible and 6 months ago I would have spent it on my house but after a recent bereavement I'd say life is for living, book your holiday. That's what I've done

Original poster

GottonamechangeNow17 · 04/06/2017 22:03

The jewellery etc is in my parents safe as it's worth a lot of money and they kept it. The money has been given to my siblings and cousins but my parents have kept mine as apparently they don't trust me to spend it wisely. They are extremely wealthy (enormous house; lots of cars etc) so not keeping it to spend.. they just like the control! I just want to use money to take DD on a trip my granny (and grandad) would absolutely approve of!

OP posts:

Shewhomustgowithoutname · 04/06/2017 22:04

The parents here are being exceptionally kind. Normally a grandchild would have no legal right in the estate if their own parent, a child of the decease grandparent is still alive. It would seem that the parents are giving money from their share.
I also noticed that the OP said the jewellery was valuable and then said she would guard it like tinfoil. I chuck tinfoil out after every use.
I would only use keys at a relatives house if I was expressly told to do so. Ask parents to stop just walking in.
Thank parent for giving you some money from their share and show some gratitude and good manners

PaintingByNumbers · 04/06/2017 22:05

what actually happened in probate?

Cel982 · 04/06/2017 22:07

OP, we need more information. Has the money actually been left to you by your grandmother, or is it your parents' inheritance which they are choosing to share with you?

user1489675144 · 04/06/2017 22:10

This doesn't make any sense at all. If there was no will and just a letter as you say then there are certain ways money has to be distributed (google intestate).
Probate would be required.

Was her money in a savings account controlled by your parents who are now distributing according to what they want to do? Odd

NellieFiveBellies · 04/06/2017 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

innagazing · 04/06/2017 22:14

Thank parent for giving you some money from their share and show some gratitude and good manners

legally maybe, but gm made her wishes very clear in the letter she left. OP should be given it, it's not up to her parents to decide what she should spend it on. Also, the share to the granddaughter could go into a junior isa (with mum's name on it as administrator), She could always cash it in later if she wanted.
How about telling your parents you want to buy a more expensive car with the money due to you op, then sell it again once it's bought ('sell' your existing car to a friend, then 'buy' it back. Don't forget to chnge those locks!!!

TestTubeTeen · 04/06/2017 22:14

Shewhome: you have completely misunderstood what the OP said about the jewellery. She is saying, in effect, that she would guard it with her life even if it was made if tinfoil, as it is of such high sentimental value to her.

PaintingByNumbers · 04/06/2017 22:16

if she died intestate, it is up to her parent to decide what to do with it, a letter of intent has no standing. it sounds like they intend to honour it, but perhaps later. theres nothing op can do about that.

PaintingByNumbers · 04/06/2017 22:16

I actually wouldnt honour a letter like that, it would be equal shares only

TestTubeTeen · 04/06/2017 22:17

Also, the parents are hardly kind, generous etc to the OP: they have passed money to her siblings and cousins, but have REFUSED money for the OP and her Dd. Against the wishes of her granny.

Giraffey1 · 04/06/2017 22:17

If your granny died without leaving a will then she dies intestate and the law will step in to decide above it all matters or probate. It isn't down to your mum, as far as I understand it. The law says any estate will be divided aqually between any children, or grandchildren.

innagazing · 04/06/2017 22:17

Yes, I agree to checking out the will and probate, something sounds a bit
'unusual'

Original poster

GottonamechangeNow17 · 04/06/2017 22:18

Money has been distributed to all other grandchildren except for me.my parents have kept my share but given my siblings theirs. My dd was written in letter to have the same share but that has also not been passed over. I guess my point is my parents are keeping "our" money until I do something they approve of.. my siblings were given theirs no questions asked. Parents inherritence is already sorted and received.

OP posts:

Pallisers · 04/06/2017 22:18

I doubt very much if your parents think of that jewellery as yours. I suspect you won't see much of it.

Basically the 3 children inherited everything split 3 ways. They may or may not follow the wishes of your Granny as expressed in that letter.

It is unfair if your parents are giving a share to your siblings outright but attaching conditions to yours. Ask them why they are making a difference in you. Is there a history here?

Alternatively, tell them you are saving the money. Put it in a savings account and later on book a holiday later.

With regard to the walking into the house at 8 am on a Sunday, change the locks and don't give them a key

stellacat123 · 04/06/2017 22:19

Wait until you have the money then go on the holiday you've always wanted. Bricks and mortar are certainly nice to own, but life is short and money can't buy a precious time like having genuine fun on holiday with your daughter. If that's what your granny wanted as well, then even more reason to do it. If it was possible I'm sure you'd give up the money if you could spend more time with your granny - well it is possible to spend it and make special memories with your child. Also, change your locks the day before you go! It's your life so live it, xx

PaintingByNumbers · 04/06/2017 22:22

forget the letter for now
your parent has inherited from their parent via intestacy (no will. is that right?)
your parent can decide what they now do with their money
its shitty they wont give you your share. is there a reason you might be considered untrustworthy with money? but its up to them. this money and jewellery was never yours.
agree with poster before, its crap when relatives make promises then dont write a will

BeyondDespairandRepair · 04/06/2017 22:23

op the whole thing sounds peculiar to me - there must be a back story here....you say your GM was always saying a b and c about you - but why on earth then didnt she leave a proper will! where your share would be properly given to you! why bother writing a letter - why not a proper will!

InvisibleKittenAttack · 04/06/2017 22:24

Go to see your parents, collect the jewellery - you are making other arrangements to store it at the bank as that's safer than their house. Tell them that and collect it. Be firm and say whatever it takes to get it out of their possession into yours.

The money I fear you have to accept you dno't have a legal right to if there's not a will, it's more that they are doing what they think your Granny would like, it's down to them if they do or not. As such, I would accept there's a chance you wont get the money, or they will use it as a way to control you.

I would therefore only repeat "I'm not going to make any plans for the money until I have it. You don't seem to be prepared to give me the money so I'm not assuming it'll ever actually arrive." "I'm not prepared to discuss what I'll do with money I don't have." "Either I'm entitled to the money or I'm not, I'm not going to draw up plans of how I intend to spend it for your approval. You are not a bank manager assessing a request for a loan. It's my money or its not. If it's not, I don't want to hear about it ever again, if it is, I expect a cheque this week."

Agree change your locks. And would consider moving away.

delilah245 · 04/06/2017 22:25

Doesn't sound to be a will or anything official the grandmother wrote or not one that OP was part of. If she was, she would have been paid out directly and would not be going through her parents for the money or jewelry.
It sounds like the parents were the only ones to receive inheritance and then paid out of their shares knowing she would have liked that?. It is very standard for the children to receive everything. When my father died my siblings and I equally split everything... my DCs weren't left anything, but I did open some investment accounts for them with a portion of it for their future.
If this is the case and you don't have any legal rights to the money, then you either have to suck it up and do as they wish or forget the money and leave it to them... annoying as that is they were her kids!

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