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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be completely annoyed with my family?

97 replies

Laurenmclovely · 04/06/2017 15:33

Hi ladies,

This is my first time posting but this is an issue that has been brewing for a while. I am due to be induced next Saturday and my family keep demanding things of me that I really don't think I should be doing at this stage of my pregnancy. This is my first pregnancy and it hasn't been easy and I have had some health issues on top of being pregnant. Anyway, back to my question. My brother has an 11 month old girl and a 6 year old adopted son and as he and his girlfriend work full time they often just drop the kids off with ten minutes notice so I have to drop everything or look like a bad person. My older sister has no children and always makes excuses not to look after them. My nephew is a very boisterous and jealous child who constantly wants attention, which I cannot give when I have to watch my niece who has just learnt to crawl and walk and likes to stick her fingers into sockets or bangs her head etc. He acts up around me, I.e. stripping off and walking around the house naked, or lifting up my top to feel my bump or walking in while I'm on the toilet. He is very loud and has an attitude. My brother accuses me of bullying his son and yet still expects that he can drop him on me whenever he sees fit. A few weeks ago he asked if I could watch him for two days during the holidays at the end of May, I said as long as I'm not being induced and it literally is only for two days. We are now in June and he is aware I'm being induced on my niece's birthday and he has told my entire family and his partner's family I am watching his son for the whole 5 days before my induction which I definitely did not agree to. My family have also made or very clear they will not be visiting me in hospital because my niece is getting christened on the same day. I feel awful about saying no but this has been a consistent thing throughout my pregnancy and I feel like I am entitled to some rest before my son arrives, but am I being too harsh or is this justified?

OP posts:
R2G · 04/06/2017 15:54

Just stop. Get your partner to call them and say you can't help anymore as you're focussing on getting ready for the baby and afterwards will have the baby so help is stopping from now. Givers have to set limits as takers never do!!!!

ClemDanfango · 04/06/2017 15:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Allthebestnamesareused · 04/06/2017 15:55

Even if you are being induced on your niece's birthday it doesn't mean that you will have the baby that day anyway.

Please just say no to them and keep on saying no especially if they still expect you to carry on providing them with free, no/short notice childcare after the birth.

You will need to concentrate on the baby and yourself.

R2G · 04/06/2017 15:56

Don't get into a discussion about his son. You're doing too much and feeling resentful - it's not the child's fault but there it is. Please, just stop. Just say look no sorry I can't. Take a massive step back from your brother and family. Pull up the drawbridge.

Original poster
Laurenmclovely · 04/06/2017 15:57

Livelong I had low blood sugar and I hadn't eaten since 7pm the previous day. The appointment I was told was at 9.30 so I could have gone to get food myself after the appointment which was about 1.5 hours and had been fine, also access to a toilet. The appointment was actually at 12.30 and I was picked up at 8am. I know it seems over dramatic but the fact is I did pass out due to low blood sugar.

OP posts:
nogrip · 04/06/2017 15:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Brittbugs80 · 04/06/2017 15:59

What was being delivered and why couldn't your brother do it? Is it a family business as you said he works full time.

I was induced, the start is a long process. I had to be in for 8am, monitored for 4 hours then induction started, labour didn't start for me until 630pm the same night but I was told induction process can take up to three days.

You need to learn to say no. Stand up to the now else they will pile more on you when you have a newborn to look after.

Good luck with your induction too!

NellieFiveBellies · 04/06/2017 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LouHotel · 04/06/2017 16:03

Oh for goodness sake. He has an 11 month old so he knows what the first few weeks of having a newborn is like. Send this;

''Brother I need to take the next couple of weeks for myself to prepare for the birth of my first child and to rest up before inevitable sleepless night, i'm sure you remember what those are like. After the baby is born i also wont be able to be childcare for several months as it will be impossible for me to jump straight into look after 3 kids of different ages''

LouHotel · 04/06/2017 16:04

Without the grammar mistakes..stupid phone.

Arkhamasylum · 04/06/2017 16:04

Move house and don't give any of them your new address. Seriously.

Arkhamasylum · 04/06/2017 16:06

For the moment, just say your doctor / midwife has told you that you're not to do anything strenuous.

IonaNE · 04/06/2017 16:09

My older sister has no children and always makes excuses not to look after them
It's not an excuse. It's a reason. She does not have to make "excuses" not to look after someone else's children. She is not obliged to. Neither are you. Grow a backbone.

harderandharder2breathe · 04/06/2017 16:11

Follow your sisters lead, grow a back bone and say NO. They walk all over you because you let them.

redexpat · 04/06/2017 16:12

No dont start giving reasons. As soon as you do they will counter it with something else. It is not a discussion so dont let it become pne. I am no longer able to look after x and y on a and b days. If they ask why you say it isnt convenient. Then a breezy have a lovely christening on sunday! Got to go. Bye! And hang up.

Mrsknackered · 04/06/2017 16:12

Nogrip I definitely knew how to say no and had a backbone when I was 17 with a newborn baby! Think a bit of an unfair point.

This is all quite ridiculous OP. Put yourself first, say NO. To both your mum driving you to the hospital, people visiting and looking after your brothers children.
I can't believe your DP puts up with this either!

Lj8893 · 04/06/2017 16:15

It's unlikely you will have your baby on the same day you get induced.

BritInUS1 · 04/06/2017 16:16

You need to look after yourself and learn to say No - yes they will be annoyed but they will get over it x

CleopatraTheCatLover · 04/06/2017 16:18

Why do you let them walk all over you?

MiddleEnglandLives · 04/06/2017 16:23

Good god you are being taken advantage of. And probably bullied.

You are shortly going to have your own child to look after. If you won't stand up to them and say no for your own sake - passing out for their stupidities inthe last few weeks of pregnancy is no joke - you must must must do it for your child's sake at least!

Send a text right now saying that whatever rumours have gone round you will not be supplying childcare this close to your own delivery as LouHotel says.

And the crap you will get about ' not being a nice person' or whatever other crap they've been feeding you? The correct response is, 'that's right, I don't exist for your convenience. I have my own life and a new life to look after. If you lot won't help, as I expect after years of being treated like a doormat you won't, at least forebear to hinder. In other words, I'm busy, get lost.'

MsStricty · 04/06/2017 16:35

OP, your family are not "making" you do or feel anything.

They are behaving like arses (and frankly I wouldn't have them in my life), but it is you who are choosing to go along with them.

Which is why it's so hard to break this: you are being asked to go against the conditioning of a lifetime.

But now is as good a time as any. Particularly with a baby on the way.

If you put your foot down, and keep putting it down, yes, life will change, as will your relationships with each of them. But this is about you, and your own family. Maybe it's time for change.

PersianCatLady · 04/06/2017 16:36

I have said no and today he roped my mum in to ask me yet again
It doesn't matter whether your brother asks you or your mother, you need to say no.

What would happen if you went into labour early and you needed to get to the hospital and couldn't get anyone to look after the kids??

Honestly, it sounds like you would be better off without these people.

PersianCatLady · 04/06/2017 16:41

OP - Slightly off-topic but please can you tell me what you are talking about when you say your brother's deliveries??

Sunnymorningwithbacon · 04/06/2017 16:44

Why does it matter that his son is adopted? You don't like his son much. And you Are going to be induced on the day of your nieces birthday which is also her christening? Could you have asked if they could change the day?

OnionKnight · 04/06/2017 16:44

OP - Slightly off-topic but please can you tell me what you are talking about when you say your brother's deliveries??

His paper round?