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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband's female friend is causing issues

82 replies

HannahGJ · 04/06/2017 13:35

I'm new here so forgive me for not knowing abbreviations and what not.

I have been married to a wonderful man for just over eight months now. He took my one year old twins on as his, he introduced me to his friends and family (His brother and his children with his first wife who sadly died) And he introduced me to his best female friend.

At first, I loved this girl - Went out with her for drinks, went out for girly days. You name it - We did it. She's recently gotten herself a lovely boyfriend. This guy could put all Men to shame, he's like James Bond but wears Jeans and a t-shirt but yet she still wants my Husband to fix her issues. She calls him all the time, she wants him around. It's making me sick with worry that this girl will ruin my marriage

I'm considering Divorcing him, not because I don't love him - I love him with everything but I'm not the kind of girl that does well with heartbreak. Neither of them realise that what they're doing is wrong.

Okay. That was one heck of a whinge
Once again, I'm new here so be gentle. I really could use a friendly bit of advice

OP posts:
caffeinestream · 04/06/2017 14:08

Why is this a problem now, when it wasn't a problem before you married?

Wheelerdeeler · 04/06/2017 14:10

Cos she only knew him 5 mins

Fairenuff · 04/06/2017 14:10

OP?

It's a bit difficult to discuss this with you if you aren't here Confused

HildaOg · 04/06/2017 14:12

Get out while you can. Why would you accept this woman squatting in the middle of your marriage? You're in a man share, not an exclusive relationship, if you're not happy with that then run before you're tied to him with his kids.

tribpot · 04/06/2017 14:12

She calls him all the time because he's her best friend. From what you've described, neither of them are doing anything wrong so it's unsurprising that they haven't realised it.

Have you discussed your feelings with him?

HarrietKettleWasHere · 04/06/2017 14:13

It's a bit quick isn't it- in the space of space of months you've gone from being bezzie girlie mates to deciding she's around too much? (Although with one year old twins I'm surprised you managed to fit in all that female bonding and days out, tbh Hmm )

YouWhatMate · 04/06/2017 14:16

A preemptive divorce! Haha, brilliant.

Why not just talk about your insecurities with him? I mean, she has a bf, and he's married to you, and they've been friends for a while (at least before he met you), so if they both wanted to be together, they presumably would be. So it's just a trust issue on your part.

Good news is that many couples work past trust issues. Talk to him about boundaries etc. and perhaps seek counselling, if you think it might help.

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 04/06/2017 14:18

Have you considered the possibility that if either of them felt any kind of attraction to the other then they would have acted on it a long time ago?

Itsnotwhatitseems · 04/06/2017 14:20

Has your husband taken more of an interest in his relationship with his friend since she met her boyfriend, are you sensing he is jealous of not being the star male in her life, or is that whats going through your head? I can understand that concept to be honest

LittleBooInABox · 04/06/2017 14:21

Why is it an issue now when it wast in the past?
Are you sure she wants him to fix her issues or just to talk to someone she trusts about them?

I think your being insensitive, their friends, you haven't stated otherwise, he didn't hide her, in fact it sounds very much like he was happy you were becoming friends. If yo thought she was gonna go away when she got a bloke that's on you.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 04/06/2017 14:24

Hmm: read some posts, scrolled through to see what the OP replied; realised the OP hasn't replied.

I hate it when posters do that. Why post if you don't want to discuss?

YouWouldntLetItLie · 04/06/2017 14:24

I think some time scales in here would really help assess the unreasonableness. Like, how long did you know your DH before you got married? How old are your twins now? How long had you been out of your relationship with the father of your twins when you met him? How long has he known his best friend?

Also, how many minutes have you spent talking honestly and calmly about this to him before considering divorce as the obvious option to your issue?

Gileswithachainsaw · 04/06/2017 14:26

Slow down with the divorce talk not everything has to be done at super speed for heaven's sake.

Surely you dated long enough for you to know the kind of relationship he has with her? Or was marry first ask questions later?

Why when he was single and she was single and they could have been together, are you now worried when she has a boyfriend and you married yours?

JustMyLuckUnfortunately · 04/06/2017 14:30

OP must be very busy with twins and girly days out to reply

GabsAlot · 04/06/2017 14:30

what issues just day to day worries that u talk to a friend about?

would u feel the same if it was a male friend-it didnt worry u before but it does now-why is it wrong what theyre doing?

PerspicaciaTick · 04/06/2017 14:36

If I was married to someone threatening divorce over my friendships, I would grab the opportunity to escape with both hands.
OP - there will always be other people in your DH's life, friends, family, colleagues. He sounds like a good bloke who wants to help the people in his life. I can't tell if the friend is taking him for granted or has ulterior motives, but I do think your OP says much more about your own issues than hers.

Itsnotwhatitseems · 04/06/2017 14:37

is it possible this is a reverse

PerspicaciaTick · 04/06/2017 14:38

It is possibly a reverse. It is also possibly the product of a half-term overactive imagination.

Jux · 04/06/2017 14:40

OP, what is it that they have done that is wrong, as you put it?

HildaOg · 04/06/2017 14:41

Or maybe she just doesn't want to share her husbands attention with a needy woman?

Ceto · 04/06/2017 14:41

Other issues apart, you can't get a divorce if you've been married less than a year.

OuchLegoHurts · 04/06/2017 14:45

Very Strange - all of it

OnionKnight · 04/06/2017 14:47
Hmm

If you were my wife I'd divorce you.

Mumoftu · 04/06/2017 14:47

If you're uncomfortable with the amount of contact then let him know. If he puts your feelings first then you know you have nothing to worry about. If not then I'd be more concerned.

SparklyMagpie · 04/06/2017 14:50

Yeah i think i might bow out of this one already