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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel like there's no point in me working too?

93 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 02/06/2017 19:04

I really want a job. Actually, I'd like a career but I'm not sure I have any skills!

I've been a SAHM for 6 years, with 2 DC and the youngest will start full time school in September.

Any job I can get is minimum wage, and I probably wouldn't get it anyway

I calculated what I can get working a full time job at minimum wage, and it doesn't cover childcare. (Not even close!) But also, what I would earn in a month is lower than DH's day rate. It doesn't feel like I'd be bringing anything to the table. It's so depressing and I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself.. (feel free to flame me, I deserve it!)

The idea of making my own money, feeling like I'm making a difference to our family and having a bit of self worth seems to far out of reach.

It seems largely pointless to be apart from my children, pay for the privilege and have no benefit from it. Doesn't it?

Im being unreasonable, I know.

OP posts:

mynotsoperfectlife · 02/06/2017 19:06

I don't think you are being unreasonable.

How has this come about?

Original poster

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 02/06/2017 19:07

DH and I had a row a few days ago and I told him if he was going to carry on he should just go out... he said 'why would I go? It's my house.'

Hes since apologised. But now I want a job more than ever.

OP posts:

TheSparrowhawk · 02/06/2017 19:07

I don't think you're being unreasonable, just a bit silly. There are ways of working this out, if you want to. You could train to do a job, go to uni, get a min wage job and work your way up. If you want to work, why not do it?

lilydaisyrose · 02/06/2017 19:08

Why wouldn't a full time minimum wage job cover childcare if your children are both in school? Do you mean school holiday cover?

Original poster

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 02/06/2017 19:09

Yeah, if I did breakfast and after school clubs during term time, and some kind of childcare during holidays and half term, it would cost more than the potential salary I was looking at.

OP posts:

Justanothernameonthepage · 02/06/2017 19:12

Why would it need to cover childcare? Surely it would only have to cover 50% of the cost as your partner should be covering his share or taking enough leave to cover his share of it. But it's not just the take home wage, it's contributing to your national pension, expanding your skill set etc. A minimum wage in a job you're good at, could lead to a better paying job down the line.

GetThrough · 02/06/2017 19:13

Can you work evenings?

mynotsoperfectlife · 02/06/2017 19:14

Or, it could not.

You just can't always say working is right or wrong.

If your marriage is vulnerable, it might be wise to work. But again, depends on the work.

museumum · 02/06/2017 19:14

Get yourself into training now. It will cost but you'll make the cost back in no time. If you're near a college or uni then you won't need much (if any) childcare for lectures and get most of the same holidays. There may be a cheap crèche at the uni.
If you're not near a uni look at OU.

You may pay a few thousand a year for three years for this but should easily earn 20 thousand plus for every year afterwards until retirement. It's totally worth it.

museumum · 02/06/2017 19:15

And if your marriage is rocky don't delay. Retrain now.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 02/06/2017 19:15

You need to take a more long term view.

Maybe you barely break even financially at first but you then gain experience and have the opportunity to change jobs, get promoted etc. You can't climb the ladder unless you are on the ladder. Step on.

Also, if you are feeling undervalued at home then doing something well somewhere else can be bloody marvellous for the soul.

Did you work before you had children? Got any qualifications or training?

chickenjalfrezi · 02/06/2017 19:16

Didn't think it would take long for the 'DH should be covering 50% of childcare or the cost' to come up.

Presumably OP's minimum wage job will go towards 50% of the mortgage and bills?

OP - I'd not worry about the financial side to be honest, there are so many social and other benefits to working so focus on that and good luck!

sweetkitty · 02/06/2017 19:16

What about going to college then? The holidays are longer and usually fit in with the school holidays and you will get a qualification at the end of it. I was 12 years at home and have just finished a course, it was great meeting new people, just getting out and having somewhere to go each day plus I'll be starting work in August

Original poster

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 02/06/2017 19:17

It would need to cover childcare because right now he doesn't pay any... so if my salary didn't we would be worse off which he said doesn't make any sense.

I get the career progression etc if it was a position with prospects, but I think most of the vacancies are really studenty type roles, shop assistant, waitress etc. And I can't really do evenings as he doesn't get in until quite late sometimes and evening childcare is harder to come by.

I'll have to find something, but I didn't think it would be this disheartening.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 02/06/2017 19:17

You may pay a few thousand a year for three years for this but should easily earn 20 thousand plus for every year afterwards until retirement. It's totally worth it.

If she can't afford breakfast and after school clubs, where is she supposed to find a few thousand pounds from?

DarkFloodRises · 02/06/2017 19:18

YANBU at all. I was a SAHM and went back to work when my youngest started school. I now earn loads less than DH, but I don't feel it's pointless me working, at all. It's a self esteem thing. Make it happen OP!

mynotsoperfectlife · 02/06/2017 19:18

Indeed worra

Also, I'm not necessarily meaning the OP here, but why do we assume everyone is academically able enough to manage a degree?

StealthPolarBear · 02/06/2017 19:18

Yes it may not be financially worth you working but that's just one aspect

limon · 02/06/2017 19:19

Have you thought about volunteering?

khaleesi71 · 02/06/2017 19:19

there are ways out for you and by training or having a role outside the home you develop your self esteem and a new perspective for the table. PP are right in that training now will reap financial benefits later but will help you develop your sense of self beyond parenthood. Now is a good time to check out the options at your local FE college - they care and want to help you achieve your potential. Good luck in your endeavours and please ensure that DH contributes to the cost of his childcare!

Fab39ish · 02/06/2017 19:20

I am in a similar situation op. I am currently studying to increase my confidence and employability.
Although once back at work if dh doesn't step up we will be well and truly done.

museumum · 02/06/2017 19:20

She doesn't say she can't afford childcare, just that it doesn't seem worth it in return for a min wage job.
But the OP longs for a career. She deserves to have that modest dream.

Lweji · 02/06/2017 19:21

At least go and try to find something and then decide whether to take it or not.

But, for many reasons, I think you should work.
Worst case, you won't have to go and find work should you split.

Finola1step · 02/06/2017 19:22

How far is your local FE college? Get yourself on their website and have a look at what they offer. They will.most likely be holding Open Days very soon. If you haven't got your Maths and English GCSEs, now's the time to start. There are loads of courses out there. The key question here is what would you like to be doing in 5 years time?

Rinkydinkypink · 02/06/2017 19:22

I understand very well op. I'm currently working school hours only and actually it's the only way I can afford to work or even arrange childcare. It costs alot more than min wage to arrange for childcare around school hours.

I only work 12 hours a week BUT I love it! It's done wonders for my confidence. I love getting paid even though it's a very small amount (less than JSA!) But I'm proud of my wage. I also love being part of the working world again. I feel like I have a foot in the door and although it's not permanent or ideal it's just the start I needed.

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