Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like there's no point in me working too?

93 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 02/06/2017 19:04

I really want a job. Actually, I'd like a career but I'm not sure I have any skills!

I've been a SAHM for 6 years, with 2 DC and the youngest will start full time school in September.

Any job I can get is minimum wage, and I probably wouldn't get it anyway Blush

I calculated what I can get working a full time job at minimum wage, and it doesn't cover childcare. (Not even close!) But also, what I would earn in a month is lower than DH's day rate. It doesn't feel like I'd be bringing anything to the table. It's so depressing and I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself.. (feel free to flame me, I deserve it!)

The idea of making my own money, feeling like I'm making a difference to our family and having a bit of self worth seems to far out of reach.

It seems largely pointless to be apart from my children, pay for the privilege and have no benefit from it. Doesn't it?

Im being unreasonable, I know.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 02/06/2017 19:24

Volunteering is a great idea imo.

When I was a SAHM, I became a school governor which not only upped my confidence levels, but my CV was literally jam packed with all the training courses I'd been on. That in turn, improved my skill set...not to mention fantastic references etc.

Things like that are a great gap filler and any potential employers, have never seen it as 'less of a job' because I didn't get a wage for it.

RedMetamorphosis · 02/06/2017 19:24

Going back to work after over 2 years out has done wonders for my self-belief and confidence.

Working isn't all about the wage you bring in.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 02/06/2017 19:24

I have a degree in English, and previously worked in TV in a position that sadly no longer exists.

Last year I got accepted on a social work degree course but between childcare and my mum being ill at the time it didn't work out, and I was gutted. I had to do a lot of prep for it, volunteering with the Samaritans and for experience, retaking my maths gcse as my previous one was too old...

DH feels a three year degree is too long and too costly.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 02/06/2017 19:29

Does he? What does he suggest them?

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 02/06/2017 19:29

But I agree with those you who have said it isn't about the wage you bring in... I need some self confidence. I don't want to feel I can't just buy my DH a present for Christmas without it really being from him.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 02/06/2017 19:29

On another note how can a maths degree be too old?

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 02/06/2017 19:30

I think he has an unrealistic view of what I'm capable of being employed doing.

OP posts:
Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 02/06/2017 19:30

Maths gcse...

OP posts:
Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 02/06/2017 19:31

If it's over a certain number of years they ask you to take different exams to get on the course.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 02/06/2017 19:31

Sorry that's what I meant!

StealthPolarBear · 02/06/2017 19:31

So he thinks you can walk into a higher paid job?

pipnchops · 02/06/2017 19:33

I also think you could use the time the children are both at school too retrain in something you'll enjoy and will earn you enough money to make it worth your while going back to work.

CBeebiesaddict · 02/06/2017 19:34

Retraining definitely sounds like the way forward here especially as you are clearly academic given your degree. Your problem here appears to be your DH who is being incredibly unsupportive. Not sure what to suggest there :(

SummerMummy88 · 02/06/2017 19:34

Sometimes the best option is unpaid work to start with, you choose the hours, have the holidays off with your kids (no childcare costs) you learn a new skill and you will gain experience which may lead to a job, you could also team this with doing an evening class in a academic subject such as Alevel maths? I think employers would lap this up on a CV. It's not all about the money if you can manage as you are unpaid work usual leads you to new things and possibilities you haven't even thought of.

I used to volunteer at a local hospice on the reception when I was doing my A levels and I believe I gained far more than I could if ever hoped in a paid roll.

ShakingAndShocked · 02/06/2017 19:35

He's not sounding like a peach here is he OP? That alone would be enough for me to haul my ass back into education/career. You need to protect yourself and respect yourself (which can be tricky if you have someone else shooting your aims down...)

Pinkheart5919 · 02/06/2017 19:38

Depends on many things really. Are you happy no having an income? Is your dh happy being the only one earning?

Having a job can help with confidence and self esteem too.

You could do a training course? Open university? Work part time?

Sometimes I think when one has been home with dc for so long, it's fear of the unknown and it's out of your comfort zone but of course you can do it if you want to and I bet you'd notice a real change in yourself

Cherryflamingo · 02/06/2017 19:40

He earns more in a day that you would earn in a month on minimum wage? So by my reckoning he earns upwards of 300K, is that right?

If that were me - especially if I felt the marriage were rocky - I would be retraining in something. It's not like you can't afford it.

Desperad0 · 02/06/2017 19:42

If you have an English degree what about a pgce to get into teaching? Or some sort of TA role? No childcare required!

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 02/06/2017 19:46

I want a job and want to earn my own money. His salary is irrelevant to wanting that... I've been very lucky to be able to stay at home and not worry about it but now I feel like I have nothing to say for myself, and no confidence. I don't want my children to be teenagers and adults and have a mother that they never remember working.

Our marriage isn't rocky, it was just a row but some independence would be good. It's true it isn't my house (as in, I'm not on the mortgage)... and it does keep me awake sometimes.

OP posts:
Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 02/06/2017 19:46

You can be a TA with only an English degree??

OP posts:
Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 02/06/2017 19:47

Surely those jobs must be rarer than hens teeth? Shock

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 02/06/2017 19:48

Are you married

KirstyJC · 02/06/2017 19:49

I don't think you need any degree to be a TA - I know someone who does it in my local primary school and she doesn't even have Maths GCSE. Experience might help - can you volunteer if you are interested in a TA position maybe ask your school if they need helpers for reading etc? Ours would bite your hand off....!

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 02/06/2017 19:49

Yes

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 02/06/2017 19:52

In that case I don't think it matters that you're not named on the mortgage