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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For wanting rent money from DP after four years?

70 replies

ROTFLBSST · 02/06/2017 15:18

Bit of background to all of this so will try and summarise as best I can!

My parents moved in to my home over four years ago now due to money issues whilst they rented out their home to make extra income, roughly 3 1/2 years ago I moved abroad for work. In the first year away I remortgaged my house to help pay off some of their debt, this was also the same amount they gave for my house deposit. In the last year they sold their house and have started to pay bills but otherwise they've not covered the mortgage since moving in.

Last Feb I lost my job and asked them to cover my mortgage payments they said fine we'll pay from the next month. Noticing nothing had been transferred I asked if everything was ok, they said sorry we can't afford to pay because we're still paying off other debt, one I know being the final payment for a car which I helped with finance on. To my knowledge they paid all of their other debt off when they sold their house, they both have final salary pensions and one is still working. They've even booked a number of holidays, they've not been on holiday for a long time so I don't begrudge them a break but I'm struggling to understand how they can't at least cover my mortgage now I'm not working but they can afford to go away.

If I ask for more details I'm given guilt trips on what they've done for me in the past, most of the time it's things they've not told me of or something I've not asked for (e.g. Replacing something in the house that's not needed). AIBU to expect them to cover the mortgage or should I be grateful they're keeping the house in good condition? I have enough money to cover the next few months whilst I find new work but the situation is just making me quite sad.

OP posts:
KittiKat · 02/06/2017 15:22

Oh I would be sad too.

Have they not considered that if you do not get a job, you will have to evict them and get in paying tenants who will cover the mortgage so you do not lose your home or your credit rating?

AnathemaPulsifer · 02/06/2017 15:23

YANBU to expect them to pay the mortgage!

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 02/06/2017 15:27

So you have been working your arse of to support them and a holiday is more important than helping pay their way when you need them to?
Sorry but I would be finding some paying tenants and asking them to leave. .
They may be your parents but they don't respect you. .

FeckTheMagicDragon · 02/06/2017 15:27

Just explain that as you can't afford the mortgage now, they pay rent or you sell the house. But maybe not as bluntly as me :)

CleopatraTheCatLover · 02/06/2017 15:29

They are taking the piss!

NellieFiveBellies · 02/06/2017 15:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littleshitebing · 02/06/2017 15:31

I would say to them that either they pay the mortgage for living rent free in your home or they have to move out and you'll get tenants in who will. Why should you use all your savings when you have a property that you can get to cover itself.

WeakAndUnstable · 02/06/2017 15:31

YANBU.

They promised to pay you rent from March and you're clearly not in the position to subsidize them any longer.

What would happen if you tell them that you need the rent, backdated from March as per their commitment else you will have to 1) sell the house or 2) rent it commercially (and for either option they need to leave within 14 days)?

Honestly, they are taking the piss by the sounds of things and it's pretty sad that they're creating extra stress for you when you have a lot on your plate anyway.

RandomMess · 02/06/2017 15:35

I suppose I would tell them if they're not able or willing to pay they will have to move out so you can rent it out to tenant's...

I do think they may actually become a nightmare and have to evict them! They seem very "entitled"!

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/06/2017 15:38

I think their money worries probably came from being shit with money. Now they are being shit with money at your expense.

You need money, or new tenants. They need to understand that housing isn't free.

KC225 · 02/06/2017 15:39

I agree they should at least be covering your mortgage, or you should get tenants in. I think you have gone above and beyond letting them.live rent free, re-mortgaging your house and taking out a finance plan on their car.

Out of interest, if they sold off their house, where do they plan to live? What is the long term plan? If they are guilting you about all they have done and replaced in the house, it sounds as if they are already thinking of it as their own. Do they think you will continue to live abroad and they will live out their days in your house?

madja · 02/06/2017 15:39

Yeah, that's not on. They are taking advantage of your good nature, allowing them to clear their debt whilst yours racks up. What is your financial future going to be like if you continue to subsidize them to this degree.
You need to have a conversation about rent i.e. they pay or you rent to someone who can. It won't be easy, but you are crippling yourself here. I genuinely think you don't owe them anymore help.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 02/06/2017 15:41

Evict them and get in some tenants who pay rent.

SquashedInTight · 02/06/2017 15:44

Sell it.

icanteven · 02/06/2017 15:45

You need to explain that you completely understand, but without rent from them, you now have to sell or commercially rent out the house immediately or it will be repossessed. You have spoken to [insert local estate agent here] and they say that they should be able to get £1200 a month for it, so you'll be going with that rather than selling it this year.

Oh. Before you put it with the agent, would they (DP) like to rent it from you for £1100 (as the extra £100 would go on agency fees anyway)? And can they let you know by the 15th, please.

Either way, when will they be transferring the money agreed on for this month?

I understand that you're feeling sad, and you have every right to. However, your parents sound relatively young, and you do NOT have to take on the burden of supporting them at this stage in your respective lives.

harderandharder2breathe · 02/06/2017 15:46

Yanbu

They've helped you and youve helped them which is great. But you can no longer afford for them to live rent free, which is fair enough.

Tell them to pay rent or you will have to sell the house.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 02/06/2017 15:48

They have gotten used to living rent/mortgage free and don't want to go back to it. They will continue to take the piss if you let them. Tell them you want the mortgage money if x amount at x date every month or they have a months notice to move. I wouldn't feel bad either because they don't feel bad taking the piss out of you so why should you feel bad asking for what's fair

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/06/2017 15:48

You need to make it clear that things that they have done for you in the past bears no relation to the fact that you simply do not have the money to keep them in rent free housing.

You dont have to get nasty, just point out that as you have lost your job, the pot is empty and they need to pay their way or move out starting today. They can guilt trip all they like but keep repeating "I realise that you are upset but facts are facts, I do not have enough money to keep paying the mortgage so either you need to pay £X per month every month or leave and I will sell the house"

Repeat every single time.

They have had a bloody good ride so far and it sounds to me like they banked on being able to live the life of Riley with no rent to pay until they day they die. Put a stop to it now and if they means selling up then so be it.

Original poster
ROTFLBSST · 02/06/2017 15:49

Their credit rating isn't good enough at the moment to get another mortgage but they do have money from their sold house. They can't afford the kind of house they want is my understanding (bungalow in SE) they asked me for more money so they could purchase it but I refused. I don't think they want to stay in my house as they've said before they don't really like where the house is.

They've said previously they think I'll make them homeless which makes me feel awful and has prevented me saying I want paid tenants. After loosing my job though I'm not sure what else I can do 😢

OP posts:
TheweewitchRoz · 02/06/2017 15:52

I can't believe your parents would put you in that position - that's terrible. I agree with the others, either sell it or give them notice to leave as you need to get paying tenants in.

Shadowboy · 02/06/2017 15:54

Blimey! What kind of parents put their child in this position? Do you have any brothers/sister who could house them? They need to compromise on their house ambitions before they bankrupt you!

nutbrownhare15 · 02/06/2017 15:55

I'm so sorry that this has happened. It sounds like they see you as a meal ticket. Do they see you as particularly wealthy? I think you should sell the house anyway as they will try to get out of paying even if they start payments now. Tell them your financial situation is worse than it is and you are so sorry but have to sell as house will be repossessed and affect your credit rating otherwise, that you gave helped them as much as you can (you have). With their income they will be able to afford to rent somewhere. Present the situation as out of your hands and as if you have no.choice (you don't really anyway as they will carry on taking the puss otherwise). I understand how hard it must be when it's your parents, it sounds like this may affect your relationship if they are guilt trippers but I think all you can do is pretend it's out of your hands as suggested above.

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/06/2017 15:56

They want it all dont they?!

To live rent free while they find their perfect home that you can pay for? Fuck. That.

And as for the guilt trips, that is disgusting.

Look, I know its hard but you have to face up to the fact that your parents care more about their own comfort than your security and well being. They are using you to fund a luxury lifestyle that they cant afford even though they know you cant afford it either.

Time to get tough. They have had plenty of time to sort themselves out and have chosen not to, not your problem.
They have been so bad with money that they have a shit credit rating. Not your problem.
They cant afford the sort of home they want. Not your problem.
They dont want to live where they can afford. Not your problem.

You have no job and a mortgage to pay (and presumably rent where you are living). That IS your problem and should come above any bullshit guilt inducing crap they come out with.

Either they pay up or they leave, end of.

Oh and dont be surprised if it turns out that they dont actually have any money left from the house sale, having pissed it away on holidays. But again, not your problem.

Wormulonian · 02/06/2017 15:58

How awful for you ROTFLBSST You have done tremendous things for them.
Tell them you have let them stay as long as you can but now you have no money and will have to sell up. Tell them the market rent but suggest they pay an amount that equals your mortgage cost (which presumably is lower) so psychologically they are getting a discount. Make sure you say they are lodgers and the money is rent - so later they have no claim on your house.

TempusEedjit · 02/06/2017 15:58

So they have money to rent somewhere then, which means you won't be making them homeless. It's not your responsibility to keep them on the property ladder.

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