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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For wanting rent money from DP after four years?

70 replies

ROTFLBSST · 02/06/2017 15:18

Bit of background to all of this so will try and summarise as best I can!

My parents moved in to my home over four years ago now due to money issues whilst they rented out their home to make extra income, roughly 3 1/2 years ago I moved abroad for work. In the first year away I remortgaged my house to help pay off some of their debt, this was also the same amount they gave for my house deposit. In the last year they sold their house and have started to pay bills but otherwise they've not covered the mortgage since moving in.

Last Feb I lost my job and asked them to cover my mortgage payments they said fine we'll pay from the next month. Noticing nothing had been transferred I asked if everything was ok, they said sorry we can't afford to pay because we're still paying off other debt, one I know being the final payment for a car which I helped with finance on. To my knowledge they paid all of their other debt off when they sold their house, they both have final salary pensions and one is still working. They've even booked a number of holidays, they've not been on holiday for a long time so I don't begrudge them a break but I'm struggling to understand how they can't at least cover my mortgage now I'm not working but they can afford to go away.

If I ask for more details I'm given guilt trips on what they've done for me in the past, most of the time it's things they've not told me of or something I've not asked for (e.g. Replacing something in the house that's not needed). AIBU to expect them to cover the mortgage or should I be grateful they're keeping the house in good condition? I have enough money to cover the next few months whilst I find new work but the situation is just making me quite sad.

OP posts:

NoSquirrels · 02/06/2017 16:51

Oh, poor you OP. That sucks.

From what you've posted, you have fulfilled your obligations to them - you paid back the deposit they gave you, you have housed them rent free, and you have helped them with finance on a car.

Your mortgage needs to be paid, or they will be homeless. You do not have the money to pay it, as you are without income.

Please formalise your agreement with them, with a tenancy contract and rent. DO NOT ask them to "pay the mortgage" as this may give them a beneficial interest. At the moment they are sitting tenants without a contract - you are in a tricky situation.

Best all round to be formally business-like about it.

Mum & Dad, I need to get paying tenants in as I cannot afford the mortgage now I am out of work. I'm very happy for you to stay and pay me rent - we can draw up a tenancy agreement - but if you would rather move out please let me know by X date, as I can then instruct a letting agent to show the property to tenants.

Big girl pants. They are abusing your good nature.

cjt110 · 02/06/2017 16:53

Keep us posted

for you

SleightOfHand · 02/06/2017 16:53

This just doesn't compute with me, parents taking money from their children. Financial abuse that's what it is. Do whatever you have to do to protect yourself and don't listen to their guilt trips either.

HornyTortoise · 02/06/2017 17:44

Wow this is horrendous

we can't afford to pay because we're still paying off other debt

Housing costs come first. They are really taking advantage of you here. yes they may have helped you, you have helped them too...but living rent free for nearly 4 years then refusing to pay anything when YOU are struggling, thats horrible.

I would tell them to move back into their own home tbh. What are they doing with the rental income from their own place?! They cant rent out their place, have extra income and expect you to pay their current housing costs, thats insane!

HornyTortoise · 02/06/2017 17:46

Ah missed the bit where they sold their house. Well they can move elsewhere then. They cannot expect you to subsidize their lifesytle, especially if they are going on holidays and such :o

I would be saying, bluntly that they need to pay, and backdated from March or you need to sell and they will be out on their arses. I bet if you did do this they would suddenly be able to pay their own rent and such. They are seriously taking the piss out of you here.

HornyTortoise · 02/06/2017 17:47

That grin was meant to be a D:

I do not find this funny in the slightest, sorry.

Original poster

ROTFLBSST · 02/06/2017 21:53

They've said they are paying back the car this month implying that they could pay in July. I know if I asked them to do a formal tenancy agreement it would go south...you don't trust us/we've done x for you before etc. I've already had DM crying at me saying she's worrying about it so much, she's quite sick which is another thing playing on my mind. I just keep thinking there must be other debts I don't know about, probably because I don't want them to be lying about it all so they get a free house.

I have pointed out to them that houses adjacent are being rented for £1200 and that I'm only asking for them to cover the mortgage which is half that, they agreed but still nothing. I have siblings but they won't have much to do with DP for similar behaviour so can't really ask for help from that quarter. I'm reticent to sell as it's an investment and it's a place we can return to if I can't get another job/something happens etc.

Searching for big girl pants now....

OP posts:

DoloresTheRunawayTrain · 02/06/2017 22:25

Follow your siblings example, they will take the piss and see you on the bones of your arse all the while commiserating about how shit they have it, whilst sat on the proceeds of their sale.

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/06/2017 22:28

" I have siblings but they won't have much to do with DP for similar behaviour "
And there we have it! Your parents have financially abused ALL their children. And they are financially abusing YOU right now. As you've already realised - time for the big girl pants.

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/06/2017 22:34

I think that a chat with your siblings might help you here.

They can clearly see what you parents are like and it will be good for you to have their back up if you feel yourself falling for the guilt trips. Is there a sibling that you are particularly close to or who is much more outspoken with the parents who could be with you when you tell them that the gravy train is no longer running?

SquinkiesRule · 02/06/2017 22:57

Searching for big girl pants now... Hope found some
What an awful thing for them to do to you. I can understand why your siblings have nothing to do with them.
Time to get tough.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/06/2017 23:05

They've got financial issues because they don't manage their spending. They have debts because they don't manage their spending. They've alienated their children because they don't manage their spending.

Don't rob them of their rock bottom. They won't learn until they have to.

Fitzsimmons · 02/06/2017 23:05

I think you should tell them you are putting the house up for rent and will be looking to rent a 1 bed flat for yourself. Get an estate agent round to appraise the house's rental value when your parents are home so they can see you mean business. It might mean they pay up if they think they're going to be made homeless. Put those big girl pants on and stand firm, they are taking the proverbial.

WrongShui · 03/06/2017 00:13

You should not be paying a £600+ mortgage on top of rent because they can't get their act together. They have had FOUR years to sort this shit out. It's absolutely doable. I've been in debt and struggled. It did not take four years to get it manageable. If the debt is completely overwhelming they need to speak to a debt management place about a plan (cab can help with this) All of these plans will take into account reasonable living expenses and help set a budget that allows them to repay at an affordable rate and still pay rent/mortgage. Don't let them guilt you. They can afford this they just choose not to.

There is absolutely no need for you to subsidise them like this. All you are doing is burning your savings faster and pushing yourself closer to your own money issues if you don't get a job quick. If they were in such dire straits that they can't afford the car payments and the mortgage they should not have taken on a car loan. They should have saved a few hundred quid and bought a banger to tide them over until they got out of debt. You don't get out of debt by taking on more debt.

They are absolutely taking the piss and you need to stop it before your family is screwed because of their actions.

SweetLuck · 03/06/2017 00:18

Yep. They are financially abusing you. You need to ask the, to leave.

PitilessYank · 03/06/2017 03:16

Your parents should not be guilt-tripping you about what they have done for you in the past-a parent's job is to support his/her children!

They are actually taking from you every month they live there rent-free. They should be ashamed of that.

chipscheeseandgravy · 03/06/2017 03:54

Are they they sort of parents that would help you if you were in a similar position, and would they expect rent/board and lodge? If they would I would be inclined to charge them rent.
Have a proper sit down chat with them (might be easier said then done if your away), but make it clear to them that since your no longer working money is tight at the moment. Based on your previous post your mortgage is about £600. Is this something they can actually afford?
find out the exact state of their financial issues. How much from their debt is left outstanding. I'm baffled that if they did have equity in their old house why they are still letting finance agreements run monthly. Surely you would pay of everything to save on your interest payments. You may find the situation is worse than they let on and they either had less equity than you thought, or alternatively they have spent the proceeds from the house on trivial things or the sale from the house didn't leave them with enough to cover the debts. Although if that's the case going on holiday is taking the piss.
Have you asked them how much they can afford. If ones on a pension and the other still working could they realistically afford your mortgage. Maybe ask them how much in there current situation can they afford to help.
If there debts are still substantial maybe get them some advice from the likes of stepchange.

FlyingJellyfishintheAttic · 03/06/2017 09:46

I'd get a agreement eith them. twneithIf they pay towards mortgage can they claim snB of the house? Better to have ll tenant relationship to cover yourself.

Ethylred · 03/06/2017 10:04

This is very sad.

As a pp wrote, talk to your siblings.

JammyGem · 03/06/2017 11:31

Agree with PP about talking to your siblings. They can help you realise that you would be doing nothing wrong by charging your parents, and having that emotional support will get you through if you start feeling guilty - not that you should!

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