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AIBU?

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Original poster

For wanting rent money from DP after four years?

70 replies

ROTFLBSST · 02/06/2017 15:18

Bit of background to all of this so will try and summarise as best I can!

My parents moved in to my home over four years ago now due to money issues whilst they rented out their home to make extra income, roughly 3 1/2 years ago I moved abroad for work. In the first year away I remortgaged my house to help pay off some of their debt, this was also the same amount they gave for my house deposit. In the last year they sold their house and have started to pay bills but otherwise they've not covered the mortgage since moving in.

Last Feb I lost my job and asked them to cover my mortgage payments they said fine we'll pay from the next month. Noticing nothing had been transferred I asked if everything was ok, they said sorry we can't afford to pay because we're still paying off other debt, one I know being the final payment for a car which I helped with finance on. To my knowledge they paid all of their other debt off when they sold their house, they both have final salary pensions and one is still working. They've even booked a number of holidays, they've not been on holiday for a long time so I don't begrudge them a break but I'm struggling to understand how they can't at least cover my mortgage now I'm not working but they can afford to go away.

If I ask for more details I'm given guilt trips on what they've done for me in the past, most of the time it's things they've not told me of or something I've not asked for (e.g. Replacing something in the house that's not needed). AIBU to expect them to cover the mortgage or should I be grateful they're keeping the house in good condition? I have enough money to cover the next few months whilst I find new work but the situation is just making me quite sad.

OP posts:
WatchingFromTheWings · 02/06/2017 15:59

Just explain that as you can't afford the mortgage now, they pay rent or you sell the house. But maybe not as bluntly as me

I think that's exactly how it should be put! If OP can't afford the mortgage whilst out of work what do they expect is going to happen? They pay up or you sell up!

AlansLeftMoob · 02/06/2017 15:59

You're going to have to be straight with them. This is your house. If you're not working and you can't pay the mortgage, and they're living in the house and they're not paying the mortgage, they either need to start paying it or they need to leave so you can either sell it or get some tenants in there who will pay it. This is a horrible situation but you owe them nothing at this point - who do they think pays the mortgage, fairies?!

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/06/2017 16:01

If they do agre to the rent payments, make sure that they sign a watertight tenancy agrement so you can legally get them removed with as little fuss as possible if they dont pay up.

I realise that it is not nice to think in those terms about your parents, but lets face it, they havent left you with much choice have they? If you could be certain that they wont fuck you over financially then you wouldnt need to put such things in place.

Oldraver · 02/06/2017 16:02

I would be very blunt..tell them you need tenants that will at least cover the mortgage...if it's not going to be them you will have to get someone else in........and mean it

WinBigly · 02/06/2017 16:02

That's sad (and very ungrateful of them).

You'll just have to sell the house as presumably you didn't take out mortgage protection based on losing your job. They will have to feck off and finance their own accommodation from now on.

Headofthehive55 · 02/06/2017 16:02

Tell them you have no savings, no job and need them to help you. You are going to have to sell or it will be repossessed.
Cry if you must, tell them you are so sad it's come to this but that's it.
They must give you rent.

DawnOfTheMombie · 02/06/2017 16:06

"If you want to keep the roof over your head you need to start paying rent which is X amount per month. If you don't I will be forced to evict you and find tenants who will pay. You have had X years rent free and are completely taking the piss now. Stump up or fuck off."

Would be my reply and bollocks to any attempts at guilt tripping.

NellieFiveBellies · 02/06/2017 16:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mu123 · 02/06/2017 16:07

Chuck them out!! Being conservative, they've probably had at least £20k in free rent. Total chancers!

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 02/06/2017 16:10

Add up the money you have actually given them to help out - including the additional interest from remortgaging.

Add up the amount you could have received in rent from a commercial tenant in the time they've been there.

Add the two amounts together and tell them they have to pay the mortgage or leave. When they guilt trip you with all they've done for you, show them the number and tell them that's how much they've cost you in the last four years.

Stand your ground.

ScarlettFreestone · 02/06/2017 16:12

So they want you to go into debt because they are rubbish with money?

Well that says quite a lot about what kind of parents they are.

They need to either pay rent or move out. I know that's a hard conversation to have. Flowers

harderandharder2breathe · 02/06/2017 16:13

You wouldn't be making them homeless. They have the option of paying you rent, renting privately or buying somewhere that isn't "perfect" that they can afford. If they choose to do none of those things, they're making themselves homeless.

More chance they're making you homeless if you can't afford mortgage payments as well as rent where you actually live!

KC225 · 02/06/2017 16:20

Gosh OP. They are expecting a lot. I am all for helping out family but they really do expect a lot of you. They don't like the location of your house but are prepared to stay in it rent free rather than dip into the money left over from their house sale. And they have asked you to help buy them a bungalow in the south east, knowing that you re-mortgaged to help pay off their debt and help them but a car.

They need to wise up to the real world. We ALL want to live in a fancy house in a nice area but a great many of us can't afford it. I think they are treating you badly by booking holidays and yet not paying your mortgage when you are out of work. They are living a champagne life on beer money. They sound hopeless with money. Please do not be put into a position where you could loose your home.

PeaFaceMcgee · 02/06/2017 16:20

They're taking you for a ride and using your feelings of obligation and guilt to make sure you don't assert yourself.

They can pay their debts out if their equity pot, and also cover your mortgage and all bills.

In your shoes I'd say that you need them to sign a tenancy agreement or you'll need to sell up.

I would not feel guilty not giving them any more leeway than the deposit they paid on the house originally.

Their debts are not your fault. Don't take out any more finance for them too!

titchy · 02/06/2017 16:25

I'd tell them them the bank is looking to repossess so they'll need to move out before the bailiffs chuck them out, and as they haven't been paying rent they have no rights as tenants.

buttfacedmiscreant · 02/06/2017 16:25

You have bent over backwards for them, it is not your responsibility to help them pay their debt while they go on holiday and save for a naice home.

Yes family helps family, but you have done that and there are limits and they have way overstepped them.

viques · 02/06/2017 16:28

so although they have money ( to spend on a property) they are not prepared to use it because they might, in the future, find their imaginary dream bungalow. In the meantime they are happy to live rent and mortgage free while your credit rating goes down the Swanee, you use up all your savings paying your mortgage and could, potentially lose your house.

nice people, are you sure they are related to you?

Theresnonamesleft · 02/06/2017 16:34

Just be blunt with them.

They have 2 choices start paying rent or move. The option they are choosing will be making themselves homeless because with no income you will have to sell.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 02/06/2017 16:34

They've said previously they think I'll make them homeless

Hmm in what way are your actions potentially making them homeless?? If they've still got money from the previous house sale, plus income from two pensions and a job, they can easily afford to rent. It's not your problem that they want to buy a place they can't afford - I'd quite like to live in a castle, but I don't guilt trip my family because they won't give me money towards it!

I agree with everyone else, get them out ASAP - get an estate agent round to give you a valuation and an indicative market rent, and make sure they let him/her in and know about it. You can explain that now you've lost your job you need to cover the mortgage payments somehow, and if they're unable to you need them to move to a cheaper rented place or you'll have to declare yourself bankrupt and the house will be sold anyway.

They'll no doubt promise that they'll pay from now on, but then each month you'll have some kind of sob story about why they can't afford to. Get them out OP or you'll really regret it.

Billben · 02/06/2017 16:34

Them keeping the house in a good condition won't matter if the house gets repossessed because the mortgage hasn't been paid.

I know they are your parents, but they are leeches. Find a way to kick them out if they won't sign an agreement and pay rent.

grannytomine · 02/06/2017 16:38

They are being really unfair. I think you should tell them you need to sell the house.

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/06/2017 16:41

"They've said previously they think I'll make them homeless which makes me feel awful and has prevented me saying I want paid tenants."
Manipulation, pure and simple. And it worked!

But, fact are facts. You have lost your job, if mortgage payments are not kept up then you will lose the house and they will be homeless. Put it to them as bluntly as that. You will not allow yourself to lose your home, wither they pay or you get tenants who will.

Oh, and 'this is not a negotiation'. Take it or leave it folks.

NameChange30 · 02/06/2017 16:49

Your parents are terrible with money and you need to stop giving them money or they will waste all yours as well as their own.

I suggest you give them reasonable notice to move out, and if you need help to pay the mortgage, get a lodger (and do it properly so you have a signed agreement from the beginning).

Your parents aren't going to like it, of course, but you need to put some healthy boundaries in place. Don't let them drag you down with them. They're adults and they won't change until/unless they want to, but they certainly won't change if you continue to subsidise them by allowing them to live rent free and paying for god knows what else!

BewareOfDragons · 02/06/2017 16:50

They're taking the piss.

Tell them you can and will no longer subsidize them. They start paying rent, that covers the mortgage and expenses, or they vacate so you can find a tenant who will pay market rates.

They obviously don't give two shits about your finances, OP. They're just living a merry life of their own on your back. Get them out.

cjt110 · 02/06/2017 16:51

So they have funds from their house sale still, and wont pay your mortgage whilst you are unemployed? What a pair of arses!

I would be telling them you simply cannot afford to pay the mortgage and so they will need to find alternate rented accommodation.

I wouldnt even give them the chance to offer any money. They're taking the piss.

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