This is really sad because i do love my parents and my son loves them but they keep doing the same things over and over. Its actually making me really depressed.
The main issue is money. They are very strange with money and have been throughout my life. It makes me feel very guilty and shit about myself and im not sure i can cope with it any more.
I wrote a thread a while back about issues i had with them getting some inheritance money (300 grand) and saying they would help my uncle to buy me a house (he had offered to help me and suggested they went in with him).
Basically my mother screamed at my uncle down the phone (she hates him) until he refused to help anymore and then they withdrew their own side of the money. Now i dont think im entitled to a house or anything but this is something they had said was happening to the extent that we had started looking at houses etc... and i was delighted. So obviously i was very sad that it didnt work out. My parents acted like they had done me a favour because my uncle wouldve always wanted to stay over and he wasnt very nice (wtf as though i wouldve cared, the man couldve stayed as much as he liked if hed helped me buy a house!!)
There was another big instance where they said they were going to help us pay for our honeymoon to a certain city then dropped out of that last minute.
They then booked that city for their own anniversary holiday 6 months later and did pay for us to come and were generous whilst we were there in buying us food etc but of course they had chosen everything and we were there to celebrate their special day.
Whilst we were on holiday with them they gave us a couple of hundred quid spending money which was lovely of them and they said we didnt have to pay it back as we had just moved house to somewhere unfurnished. They also gave the impression they would be sending us some money for my sons birthday (they are also in control of my grandmothers finances since she was deemed unfit and said theyd send something from her too)
So its my sons birthday today and my dad rings up and tells me to use the hundred he leant me on holiday a couple of weeks ago to get something for my son......(btw he is their only grandchild and i am their only child)
Er well i spent that money on the holiday! So basically my son is getting nothing from them. Wed arranged to do something which we now cant afford to do with him which was silly granted but i was only thinking theyd send 30 odd quid which wouldve allowed us to do this.
My husbands family who live quite far away are in much more tight circumstances than my parents and they all sent presents or money for my son. They sent some lovely gifts.
My parents are and always have been very wealthy but i do know they mismanage money quite often. They have two houses and have just had a swimming pool built in one which i think has spiralled in terms of cost.
They can be very generous but the issue is they keep yanking my chain emotionally with money. It would be fine if they just said they couldnt pay for something but its that the offer to do things like they aare amazing people and get all the praise for it but then hardly ever deliver. They will spend money on things other people can see like taking us out to dinner, but when ive really been stuck at points in my life they have refused to help.
I know im partially responsible because i get sucked into this dynamic. But i cant help but equate it to coldness. It feels like they dont really care about the welfare of me or my son they just care about looking good.
We dont hear from them that often as it is.
Each time this has happened recently ive got more and more depressed. Im thinking that maybe i should just cut them out of my life completely as people were saying on my thread about the house.
Theres loads more backstory to this and history of them doing stuff like this throughout my life.
Am i being entitled in some way though? Is my attitude part of the problem?
I just feel awful about myself everytime this happens. I dont want to be one of those people angry at their parents about everything i just want to get on with my life and not feel horrendous. I dont know why i cant cope with this emotionally.
I used to be very angry with my mother for lots of very odd things she did when i was growing up and i know feeling like that leads nowhere. Shes just a flawed person and i thought now i am an adult and have my own child the dynamic could be different. But its still all just as painful.