To think there needs to be a no BS guide to pregnancy/labour/ parenting?

[voobylooby]

(Light hearted!)
The longer I'm a mum, the more I wish someone had written a book dispelling all the 'perfect world' myths around pregnancy/birth/ parenting. What brutal truths would you tell?

Babies don't just fall asleep, they don't sleep for long enough and they might well hate that Moses basket you bought!

Be prepared to shred the NCT inspired birth plan shortly after entering overloaded NHS ward, just do what it takes to get the baby out safely. Enjoy the next 18 years.

The thing is, all pregnancies, labours and parenting experiences are individual.

So your "truth" and "bullshit" might be different to mine. Some babies do just fall asleep for example.

I spent my pregnancy surrounded by people telling me not to even bother thinking about breast feeding twins as it would be impossible. While I know twin Mums who found that to be true, I ebf my twins for 18 months.

we're all different and so are our experiences.

Ah unfortunately babies don't read.

My 4 didn't anyway and were all totally different

I expect MNHQ would disagree with you op...

There's a Mumsnet baby book that does pretty much this!

Would be nice! Would have loved a warning about how much it would sting when I peed after giving birth (tiny tear) or how long it would take to be able to sit down/get up normally without feeling like everything would fall out! Also how shit PND is!
Although a whole books worth of stories like that might be a bit daunting for a new mum...

There's loads of books like that out there, have you actually looked?

I wouldn't have wanted to read a big doom 'n' gloom book! It's kind of like being trapped by that boring woman at work/random in the pub/sil/whoever, who tells you awful birth stories. Awful enough to make your cervix clamp shut for days!

There are plenty of threads on here and great advice about foofs, boobs, pnd, feeding etc.

EBF for 18 months....

Did they not start food before that?

I very quickly realised that the (i think) Bounty book needed to be thrown away as i thought it was a bible but turned out to be a millstone round my neck. I wanted a second baby just to be more chilled..... never happened but oh if i could i would be a different parent

Look I was told every horror story I thought possible by my mother, aunties, friends, coworkers and random strangers- and I still came out of the hospital with about 5 new ones of my own !!!

ballerina yes they did have foods before that! But they didn't ever have formula or follow on milk.

Minionsrule thats what I'm getting at really. I keep reading things that tell me baby should do XYZ, worrying because she doesn't,then speaking to actual humans and finding out it is perfectly normal!

Thing is, a lot of the "brutal truths" stuff is really just shutting down other women's totally valid experiences.

I had this sooo many times:

"Hypnobirthing? Bet you'll be begging for an epidural."

"There's no dignity in childbirth. You'll not mind who is watching when you're mooing on the floor, ha ha!"

"Home birth - ooh you're brave "

"Breastfeeding, make sure you get some formula in - most women give up, you know"

"Ha ha, you won't even want to go back to work once the baby's here."

Etc etc etc.... it is just fucking sneery bullshit designed to put women in their place because how dare they make plans, after all we're all totally at the mercy of our biology and it's all a bit shit

Well, no thanks!

It would be hard to cover everything and everyone's experience is different. My waters broke and I failed to go into labour with both of my babies. This wasn't covered at NCT or NHS classes. I had a 2nd degree tear and a vaginal tear, that wasn't mentioned either. Labours weren't terribly long and the euphoria post delivery was beyond expectations.

I wish someone had told me how much post birth wees and poos hurt. I brought my own jug for loo in my hospital bag second time around.

Some lucky buggers get babies that sleep .

Just to be clear, I was only really joking anyway! I know everyone is different and one person's positive is another's negative! Anyway..... bedtime!

I got told so, so much awful shit before. Labour is horrific, babies don't sleep, your relationship will go to shit, you'll never know sleep deprivation like it. I was absolutely shitting myself.

Labour was fine. Baby sleeps (in two/three hour bursts but he still sleeps) I'm even managing to wash my hair. It's not all flowers and unicorns but it isn't the shit swamp these 'true life' no bullshit books make it out to be.

ah ok! scarlettfreestone

But every pregnancy is different, every child is different, and each parent is in their own circumstances.
Possible titles
Truth about becoming pregnant: at no time in your life are you more likely to be murdered by your spouse!
Having the baby: When your Dr doesn't make it to the delivery as planned, and now a stranger is delivering your baby, and he keeps getting your name wrong!
Raising Cain: a guide to managing sibling relationships
Is that what newly pregnant women want?

I'm frankly surprised that anyone is surprised how hard parenting can be iyswim. Who are these people who assume it's going to be a stroll in the park?

I don't have kids (and have never really fancied it) but I have a) spent more than ten minutes in the company of small children and b) spoken to friends who are going through it, and even that tiny sample was enough to demonstrate that it is physically and emotionally draining. Plus there are hundreds of no nonsense guides, blogs, articles and forums that go on and on about how tough bringing up kids is.

I'm honestly baffled that stuff like "newborn babies don't sleep for eight hours straight" or "childbirth can have a longterm impact on your body" is a surprise for some people. That's not to say that people should just suck it up -- just because something isn't unexpected doesn't make it easier. But why is it a surprise?

I just wish someone had told me that pooing with piles afterwards would be more painful than pushing the baby out (and I had a 2nd degree tear!) Still brings a tear to my eye thinking about it now.