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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To buy cigarettes for a 16 year old

98 replies

Natalie1673 · 31/05/2017 19:00

So I have a stepson 16, he is a smoker and quite fond of it. He smokes inside the house despite me asking not to because of my sons asthma. But this isn't what worries us.

We have cut him off financially so he can't get cigarettes. The money we give him has to be spent in shops and he has to show us the receipts of what he buys and dh has the card for most weekdays and weekends only going out with friends. He doesn't have any job. We have been pretty strict we don't let him withdraw cash and we make sure he only uses the card in branded shops since we know Sainsbury's for example we probably ask for I.D if he were to buy cigarettes.

Despite all of this he has still been able to get hold of cigarettes. Not just a odd 1 or 2. I'm talking enough to maintain 10 to 15 a day. We ask how he is getting them who is paying for them and he won't tell us. He will say that it is from his friends. It is not his friends we know of since dh has asked the parents whether there son is supplying cigarettes and non of them think so.

It is not a small amount of money, dss only smokes Marlboro. Me and dh are worried that he is being exploited by someone so he get them. I read online that he might be dealing drugs to people for cigarettes and is used by drug dealers to get people to deliver. But it's usually with harder drugs and I don't think he would do something like that. He's a smart boy who knows the consequences of something like that. Also we live in a small village in the Home Counties and even in the nearest town I doubt many drug dealers exist. We are now considering just buying him the cigarettes until we get him to stop.

Would this be Aibu.

OP posts:
TrevorMcDoughnut · 31/05/2017 20:18

Mission Don't think there's ever been a legal age limit on smoking, just the ability of law enforcement to confiscate fags, fag papers etc. off kids they see smoking.

MissionItsPossible · 31/05/2017 20:19

Have you actually wondered this? Seriously? When I first learned of that law that's one of the things I thought, yes. Why the confusion?

Instasista · 31/05/2017 20:23

Isn't it bloody obvious you can't killl a child with alcohol and get away with it?

Do you seriously think a parent who killed a child with alcohol would be found "not guilty" because parents can give children older than 5 alcohol in their own home?

How does that law protect them from being prosecuted for causing a death? They're completely different things. I can't believe you'd seriously wonder whether they would be prosecuted

UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter · 31/05/2017 20:24

You'd be surprised how many adults will give a teenager a cigarette when they ask them outside a shop!

That's how ds1 used to get them. Club together with friends and go to the dodgy shop or get an older teen/adult to buy them for them or just outright ask people coming out of the shops for a cigarette!

Obviously then they couldn't be choosy about the brand it was just what they were given.

When we cut off his pocket money at 16 he just went and got a job at McDonald's to fund his own habit. So that backfired really. Especially as he got in with a crowd that liked to smoke weed and drink as well. They all worked together and on payday would go over to the supermarket and buy bottles of vodka and someone would get weed that they all chipped in for.

So for me personally I'd not buy him the cigars but I would reinstate pocket money assuming other jobs were completed so he wasn't getting money for nothing. I would be strict about the not smoking indoors and if you smell smoke in the house that would be a reason for cutting/stopping pocket money as well.

fanfrickintastic · 31/05/2017 20:24

Could he be buying things from Sainsbury's/ Starbucks for friends and then the friends give him cash?

Are the cigarette packets branded rather than the white packets available in the UK? If so, it is likely he is buying either imported or fake cigs from corner shop.

hiddenmnetter · 31/05/2017 20:27

Good luck trying to stop a teenager to smoke. Unless you have some good evidence that he's being abused in order to smoke I'd have thought he's doing exactly what every other smoking teenager does which is find a dodgy corner shop that doesn't mind selling fags to minors. Unless he ABSOLUTELY no money at all, in which case start either giving him money or means to earn money.

MissionItsPossible · 31/05/2017 21:10

Isn't it bloody obvious you can't killl a child with alcohol and get away with it? Do you seriously think a parent who killed a child with alcohol would be found "not guilty" because parents can give children older than 5 alcohol in their own home? How does that law protect them from being prosecuted for causing a death? They're completely different things. I can't believe you'd seriously wonder whether they would be prosecuted

Law isn't about being obvious, law is law. If a parent or guardian left alcohol with a child and they ended up drinking so much they'd get alcohol poisoning and died, with the right, expensive and slick lawyer, they may be able to get them off a prosecution charge because it is technically not against the law.

Instasista · 31/05/2017 21:13

No. They wouldn't. And you're bonkers if you think they could

Dragongirl10 · 31/05/2017 21:19

Op the bigger issue is not effectively stopping him smoking in the house when your Ds has asthma, which as you must know can be deadly.

If l were you l would absolutely stop him smoking in the house by any means possible and protect my ds....

No l would not buy him cigarettes either it is illegal and frankly an illogical idea.

PonderLand · 31/05/2017 21:20

I used to buy my cigarettes from an old lady. 20 for £2 (12 years ago) I wonder if he's getting them from someone who is selling them illegally. It's the only way to explain the money. Also is there any money at all in your house that your son can get hold of? Even other siblings pocket money etc. I'd exchange my parents holiday money that they had left over, take the odd £1 from my mums purse. Horrible behaviour, not smoking was never an option for me when I was a teen. I've quit now.

Bedsheets4knickers · 31/05/2017 21:21

I didn't know it was 18 to smoke either

TipTop333 · 31/05/2017 21:33

Ask to see his fake ID. I teach teenagers, they are very common.

Surely your issue is where he is getting the money from though, not the fags. He never has less than 20 remaining? There is something huge he is not telling you about getting this money but I know for sure that with the cost of cigarettes, nobody would just be gifting them.

UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter · 31/05/2017 21:44

It's not 18 to smoke. It's 16 to smoke but 18 to buy tobacco or tobacco related products and it's illegal to buy them for an under 18.

So I guess on a technicality if they found a box of cigarettes legally they can smoke them but they can't have brought them or have had someone buy them for them.

I don't think it's been 10yrs that the law has been like that. I'm sure it came in around the time now 19yr old ds1 was turning 16.

Wholovesorangesoda · 31/05/2017 21:53

I don't really have anything useful to add but this:
www.theguardian.com/uk/2007/jan/01/health.smoking
For people wondering

MissionItsPossible · 31/05/2017 21:55

Instasista If you're talking to me then yes they might and I'm not bonkers

PonderLand · 31/05/2017 21:58

Unicorn it has been 18 to buy tobacco for 9-10 years.

Instasista · 31/05/2017 22:03

How do you know? A minute ago you were just wondering

MissionItsPossible · 31/05/2017 22:41

How do you know? A minute ago you were just wondering

Which is why I used the words may and might rather than will or would Hmm

they may be able to get them off

then yes they might

Instasista · 31/05/2017 22:52

Well you're wrong

5OBalesofHay · 31/05/2017 23:00

Of course you don't want him to smoke but you can't stop him. Give him his card back and don't factor smoking into how much money you give hm. Be utterly strict about not in the house or in front of you. And hope he grows out of it

ImogenTubbs · 31/05/2017 23:45

OP, I don't mean to be unhelpful, and I'm not suggesting your stepson has anything to do with this, but there are always drugs and drug dealers, even in charming small villages in the Home Counties. Always.

Doesitgoto11 · 31/05/2017 23:45

I'm a smoker and that's my choice. But I'm 39. I live alone and I still smoke outside. He's a teen and still smoking inside despite you saying not to? Really?????? At what point are you going to lay boundaries???

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 31/05/2017 23:49

He smokes inside the house and your ds has asthma but that isn't what's worrying you? Fucking hell put your foot down will you, he's selfish and needs to be told to smoke outside.

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