Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To think I'm a really rubbish mum

87 replies

Fitnessfanatic28 · 31/05/2017 17:57

My son is 4 and he bores me to tears. I'm not depressed, I love him more than I can describe and he is in no way neglected as I meet all his needs.

I just don't enjoy doing any of it. I'm just playing a part when I'm with him. Pretending to enjoy playing with him, pretending to enjoy his conversation. Truth is I'm just not a maternal person and in hindsight I probably would have been better off not becoming a mother.

I don't regret him now he's here but I'd not have got pregnant if I'd known what having a child would be like. I don't know why I had one as I always found children boring. I was always that person who didn't cat when a co worker brought their newborn baby into work.

I work full time and love my job. I'm generally a happy person who loves my friends and family.

I can't wait for him to grow up so he's able to have interesting conversations and is more independent.

AIBU to say I'm a pretty awful mum?

I don't think I can change but I've come to accept it now. My Son is here now.

OP posts:

SpuriouserAndSpuriouser · 31/05/2017 18:47

Nuttyknitter I'm sure there are plenty of people who find 4 year olds fascinating - but they won't be posting on this thread, because that is not what the thread is about and won't help the OP in any way.

OP for what it's worth you don't sound like a rubbish mum. Small children can be very boring, but things will improve.

Miniwookie · 31/05/2017 18:48

4yo are boring. Don't worry OP they get interesting before 18. The older they get, the better IMO. My 9 and 11yos are quite fun now and we can do stuff we all enjoy together whereas when they're 4 you're either doing something you enjoy or something they enjoy and it's usually the latter. Hang in there.

MsHooliesCardigan · 31/05/2017 19:07

One of the things I love about Mumsnet is that people can be honest about not loving every minute of being a parent and not get roasted.
I'm going through a massive guilt trip about DS2 who was 9 a few days ago. With my older 2, I really did enjoy pretty much every stage apart from the toddler years and found parenthood a revelation.
I know that I'm nothing like as good a parent to DS2 as I was to them and I feel awful about it.
It's a combination of me being older (I was 40 when he was born) and therefore feeling that I've been doing this for years and want a break and him having a 'difficult' personality. He cries at the slightest little thing and isn't much less demanding of my attention than when he was 2. I was off work today and I literally haven't had a minute's peace - we have spent 4 hours playing football. Every time I go upstairs, it's 30 seconds before I hear 'Mummy! I need you!' I love him to pieces but he is such hard work and literally never stops talking and isn't content with 'hmm' replies.
I feel awful even writing this but I am 49 and I just feel too old for this.
OP, my 17 and 14 year olds will be watching the election debate with me (out of choice) and they constantly make me laugh and I learn so much from them.
You can't help the way you feel but I reckon you'll find being a parent much more interesting when your DS gets older.

keepondreaming · 31/05/2017 19:08

@nuttyknitter I do! I miss those days so much. Maybe it's because I didn't have a great childhood that I thoroughly enjoyed those pre school days.
Hang in there OP, it goes by much too fast and they're soon stroppy teens!

yorkshapudding · 31/05/2017 19:12

I have an almost 4 year old and I continually swing from finding her adorable and entertaining to finding her boring and back again.

I think it's nice to be needed in small doses but small children need you ALL the time and so it feels relentless. It has gotten better as she's gotten older though so hoping it continues to improve.

Elephantintheroom77 · 31/05/2017 19:12

No, not just you.... Small children can be a bit boring and stressful at times.
The thing about being a good parent though is that you put your child's needs ahead of your own. So you love him, care for him and do the things that you find boring so that he has a good life. You're doing a good job, stop giving yourself a hard time!!

Qtipsrsweet · 31/05/2017 19:13

Ynbu....I could have written your post and all your responses.
I'm exactly the same
X

ahipponamedbooboobutt · 31/05/2017 19:17

It's ok to find your kids boring. Ds(8) is obsessed with Pokémon. Every time he speaks it's Pokémon this, Pokémon that. Sometimes I feel like I die a little each time he has something "really important" to tell me . But I love him so much and when he actually talks about something else he's amazing, Funny and kind.
Is there generally nothing at all you enjoy about parenting?

Bookridden · 31/05/2017 19:33

Children are insanely dull and egocentric. I think the best way is to feature on the things you can do together that are most bearable for you, and try to give yourself things to look forward to each day. Then, try not to focus on it, and rest assured that time will pass.

floatingfrog · 31/05/2017 19:38

4 is really hard, repetitive and dull 8-12 is a really fun time. They are interesting, you can take them places but are independent They are still in to you and love your company. Saying that I have just had a lovely spa weekend with my 16 year old DD that was great!

HereBeFuckery · 31/05/2017 19:41

You're not a bad mum. You love, feed, clothe, and care for your son. He's at a dull stage (SO agree, the repetitive/dull/endless things they love are boring), but he will grow and you'll interact more with him on a person to person level.

Side note: am I doing soft play wrong? I bloody love it. DD is three, will happily take herself off round the frames for an hour (ones where they're only allowed out one way, so I know she's safe, and I can see her from my table) while I read & drink coffee & occasionally check she's okay /being nice to other kids. Is this not how soft play works? I sit by the exit, it's all childproof, and it's heaven!

Allthebestnamesareused · 31/05/2017 19:47

I think there are various stages of your children's lives that you enjoy more. I really liked tiny baby to about 6, then 6 -11 I didn't enjoy as much but then 12 upwards I have enjoyed more again.

There are times when I went through the motions and times when life was fun and I missed them when they weren't around.

YouCantArgueWithStupid · 31/05/2017 19:54

I LOVE kids, I used to work with them and loved it but bloody hell sometimes it's so boring. I think everyone feels like that sometimes

Flumplet · 31/05/2017 20:06

The poor love. I hope you are a good actor for your son's sake. If anyone on earth should think that you're the absolute bloody bee's knees, it's your mum. Yes it can be quite tedious to have yet another mine craft conversation, but can you at least take some pleasure in observing his emerging character, his intelligence or kindness? Children in my experience can be exceptionally adept at picking up on our cues on when things aren't quite right, whether it's body language or something else. I think you need to try and find something in him you can take pleasure from for his sake.

FaintlyBaffled · 31/05/2017 20:14

I love my DS and always have done, but I'm far from being a natural mother. I can honestly say that I've enjoyed every life stage more than the last, though we've just hit the teen years which are proving a test to that theory
Totally agree with the PP who says that once you have shared interests life becomes so much more enjoyable, just don't assume they will have the interests you expected them to have

Glittter · 31/05/2017 20:15

I love both my dc but I def found the girl much easier! "Boy things" I found so boring but with dd it was much more fun! I didnt have to fake interest with her as I was actually liking what she liked!

4-8yo is the worst "boy age" imo. It gets better when they're older!

ADayGivingMeHope · 31/05/2017 20:21

PersisFord · 31/05/2017 20:35

I adore my kids....but I found babyhood SO BORING!!!! I'm much better now they are a bit older. I think we all have times of parenting that come more naturally. I remember sitting in a baby sensory class that I was paying a fortune for and just thinking how much I HATED IT ALL, all that stimulating and tummy time and fretting and naps.

So maybe 4 isn't the age for you, but maybe 5 will be?

MrsMooks · 31/05/2017 20:36

Does your ex want him full time? Sounds the best option if he bores you.

floatingfrog · 31/05/2017 20:40

mynotsoperfectlife · 31/05/2017 20:54

Ha, ha ha.

I think what some posters forget is that children do not stay the same thank Christ

Finding a four year old dull is normal. If someone is four they are four. But then they turn five, and six and in sixteen years time they are twenty and pretty cool.

I did not have children to have babies or toddlers. I had them for a family. And I'm so glad I have them. They are mine so obviously unparalleled in their beauty, intelligence and awesomeness, just like all your kids. Like OPs.

That's the great thing about our own kids. They can bore us stupid, frustrate us, annoy us beyond recognition (mine can win world record for sheer irritability factor) but they don't have to be anything special. I don't want them because I want entertainment, I wanted them because they are mine I suppose

Faffandahalf · 31/05/2017 20:55

I find playing really boring. Don't want to play cars or board games. Can't stand the whinging etc. Oh god and I hate the park! No I don't want to go on the seesaw with you.

But I'm not bored by him as a person. Sorry I'm not being mean but how can you not be interested in his life?
I take enjoyment in his enjoyment of things. That's why I love museums and things because it's amazing to see them learn about stuff and peer into things.
We went to an amazing one on the great fire of London. He could not stop talking about it. I loved that.
Is he at school? That can help with the 'own time' thing. (Not for me as I have an 18 month old and work pt)

His activities are often boring but my favourite part of the day is that last cuddle of the day in bed where he often chats a load of nonsense. Nothing boring about that. I love it.

RebelRogue · 31/05/2017 20:56

I find DD boring most times too. Role play is mind numbing and I'm doing it wrong,board games or whatever she'll change the rules and I'm doing it wrong,she cries if she loses,but refuses to win so the game goes on forever,made up games..the rules she comes up with make no sense and i have no idea what I'm doing,and ofc I'm doing it wrong. Reading....she faffs about,starts talking about whatever etc. Everything else is just so bloody repetitive. Crafts , I get asked to help and end up doing it myself while she swans off.

I do playdates and outings and stuff mostly when i can have a friend with a kid with us as well. The kids can entertain themselves,while the grownups have a chat. I agree to x,y,z and she can entertain herself as well. I'll play games on the iPad with her that I also enjoy. I get her involved in thing I need to do anyways,like chores and have little chats or competitions (who finishes first for example).

I love her to bits,she's an awesome kid..but i find playing with her so boring.

Mumoftu · 31/05/2017 20:56

Why not let him play in the park and you sit on a bench with a coffee and a book? Or soft play if the weather isn't nice or just invite a friend over for him so he will be mostly chatting and playing with them.
I would put the effort in to make sure he has some quality time/interaction with you each day. Not because you enjoy it but because he needs it. But there has to be some balance of your needs as well and I have certainly never felt guilty for having a little read while my kids happily run around the park playing with others.
If I'm having a hard day with my kids - squabbling or parenting just being relentless and tiring I think of parents who no longer have that like the parents of the little girl killed in Manchester. I bet they'd give anything for one more 'boring' conversation or one more tantrum even. Parenting is a privilege - even if it isn't entertaining 100% of the time.

Movingin2017 · 31/05/2017 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flip

1 2 3 4