AIBU to take my DD on a separate holiday?

[newnamechange84]

I have serious mum guilt so please help. Holiday to Disneyland Paris booked for end of June with DS 10, DS 8, DD 3, DSD 11 and DSS 8. However me and prick of exp split last week. No hope of reconciliation as he was having an affair. Text SC's mum to tell her sorry about cancelling holiday for SC but we ended up chatting and it's come about that the mum and me get on really well and so she's going to take exs place so we can give our children the holiday they were promised. However... beautiful DD is about to be diagnosed with ASD and is hard work. When we're out she will try and run away. I often struggle with her in the house. I'm really worried that I'm going to be out of my depth on holiday with three children, one SN, and basically no help. DD is going to be strapped into a pushchair for around 6 hours a day as the older four will be able to access different rides etc. So my AIBU is.....,. AIBU for leaving my DD with my mum and taking her to DLP two weeks later? I feel so guilty and I really don't know what to do. Please help!

Sounds perfectly reasonable and your other dc will probably have a better holiday if you can join in on the rides with them . Have fun .

How you afford to go to DLP twice in such a short space of time?

If she were older I would say YWBU but At 3 I wouldn't worry about it too much, tbh I doubt she will even remember it anyway. Do something special in a couple of years when she is old enough to appreciate it.

I don't think you should feel at all guilty about that plan. Seems like you are trying to balance all their needs and that is good parenting.
Also hats off to you and step kids mum for dealing with this like adults

If you can afford it then absolutely do it. Two holidays, and much lower stress for everyone involved.

Will your mum be able to cope with your dd?

Sounds very sensible, considerate and in the best interest of all the children.
Also sounds like you are doing a good job in difficult circumstances

Thank you all for such constructive replies. We decided to work together and make sure our kids don't lose out, DSC don't know yet they just think it's been cancelled so they are going to be over the moon! My 8 year old agrees that it will be difficult. They are all such different children and I'm just not sure that I can cater to them all on my own. DSC's mum said she will help but DD doesn't know her and I don't want her to be miserable. She needs one to one the majority of the time. I feel VERY guilty but I'm hoping I'm making the right decision. Think that was a rude question crunch but if you want answer it's cause I'm loaded.

My mum is amazing with DD, she's also a Sister. She said she'll take her to Peppa Pig World. DD has been going on about DLP every day for months but I'm not sure she really knows what it is.

No that sounds like a great idea. She will have a much better time when you can spend some one-to-one tome doing things she likes rather than being dragged around with the older kids

Crunchymum, I don't think the OP's finances are relevant or any of your jealous business.

How about your mum coming with you?

YWNB to leave her behind and take her somewhere elsewhere later. YWBU to take a 3yr old to Disneyland just you and her- seems such a waste. You will be so fed up of the place after the first trip. Could you book a little trip to the seaside and take her to the fair? Rent a cottage and have a nice few days just the two of you with some fun trips out. You could have a special disney night with fancy dress and movies.

At 3 I don't think she'll mind or know the difference and tbh not in a mean way but I bet the older two will have more fun without the much younger child.

if you don't take her to the first DLP trip, I would consider taking her to somewhere like gulivers world, the Warrington one has a kid themed hotel and she may enjoyed it more as there will be less traveling and queuing and all the rides are aimed at her age range.

Crunchymum would you like OP's bank statement?

I went to Florida when I was 3 ... not a single memory remains

It sounds sensible to me tbh.

I think the elder children will have more fun and you can focus on different rides/experiences with you DD and feel far less stressed doing so.

To add - my DS remembers his first Disney trip at that age.....

Crunchymum well that was rude.
op I agree with pps, if your mums happy with the arrangement then it means that you and dd get some 1-1 time and the trip to DLP will be less stressful. Plus even without the SN, that's a big age gap, and your dd won't be able to join in with the majority of the activities the old dc are doing.

At 3, I think that's fine, if you take her somewhere that's catered to 3yo, she'll love it. I went to Disney when I was 12 and barely remember it at all, a few flash memories.

Oh I remember your other thread, where you weren't sure about leaving with the upcoming holiday.

Sorry you're going through so much shit.

I have no kids so can't really offer any advice, but I did want to say you're really strong and brave.

Oh and can you lend me a tenner? :)

At three she probably wouldn't have remembered much of it anyway. YANBU to not take her, so long as she will have a good time with your mum. I think you should reconsider the idea of taking her two weeks later as well. Don't do it out of guilt. At 3 she won't get out of it what your older kids would. Consider saving a trip like that for when she's older. Of course, if you think it's the perfect holiday for her then that's fine, but generally 3 year olds don't remember and are as well served with something closer (and easier on you!).

Sounds sensible to me, unless you could take your mum along to help with DD?

I was going to suggest taking DM along.

OP it's fine. DD gets a special one to one holiday with you where you can focus everything on her.