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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to take my DD on a separate holiday?

62 replies

newnamechange84 · 30/05/2017 23:19

I have serious mum guilt so please help. Holiday to Disneyland Paris booked for end of June with DS 10, DS 8, DD 3, DSD 11 and DSS 8. However me and prick of exp split last week. No hope of reconciliation as he was having an affair. Text SC's mum to tell her sorry about cancelling holiday for SC but we ended up chatting and it's come about that the mum and me get on really well and so she's going to take exs place so we can give our children the holiday they were promised. However... beautiful DD is about to be diagnosed with ASD and is hard work. When we're out she will try and run away. I often struggle with her in the house. I'm really worried that I'm going to be out of my depth on holiday with three children, one SN, and basically no help. DD is going to be strapped into a pushchair for around 6 hours a day as the older four will be able to access different rides etc. So my AIBU is.....,. AIBU for leaving my DD with my mum and taking her to DLP two weeks later? I feel so guilty and I really don't know what to do. Please help!

OP posts:
sobeyondthehills · 31/05/2017 01:03

I personally wouldn't take her to DLP if she is going to peppa pig world as well.

While I understand exactly what you are saying, it might be your other children see it as she is getting 2 holidays. Only you know that though

kali110 · 31/05/2017 02:36

Yanbu at all. I don't think she'll get anything out of it at all at that age!
The others will have a great time together, sounds like they need it right now!
You're dd can go somewhere else later.

lizzieoak · 31/05/2017 03:24

At 3 she won't remember, it's fine. I've seen so many people spend a lot of £ on Disneyland only to find out the kids were too young to properly enjoy it. And your situation just heightens that. She'll love Peppa Pig and your older kids will appreciate Disney more.

ALemonyPea · 31/05/2017 03:49

I think it sounds very sensible.

PedaloBar · 31/05/2017 05:34

because I'm loaded Grin Love it.

Seeeeriously · 31/05/2017 06:31

Idiotic, intrusive off-topic question there crunch.

Sounds like a great solution OP; totally agree with PP that older children will get more out of it if you're able to go on the rides with them.

And Flowers for being to brave and strong.

Westray · 31/05/2017 06:53

Part of the idea sounds good, but I would be concerned about the longer term impact.

How long have you been a blended family? Do you intend to keep your ex's kids as part of your family now that he is out of the picture? Do your kids have an expectation of such? Do your step kids have an expectation that you will remain step mother?
He presumably is still involved with his kids- would that mean any drop offs and meetings with him?
Do his kids now have a new step mother? Will that mean two step mothers?

I would tread carefully- it may be best in the long run to make a clean break from your ex's kids too.

I'm not saying that it all can't be worked though, but there are lots of issues to think about.

Dumdedumdedum · 31/05/2017 06:53

I'm another one who thinks that's a very good solution to your present situation, though, loaded or not Wink I also think that you don't need to take your 3 year old to Disneyland Paris as well - she won't remember it, and if she is having a great time with your Mum whilst you and her siblings are away, that will more than make up for it. If you really feel that she needs something else just for herself when you get back, why not take her to Legoland - I seem to remember it has more stuff suitable for 3 year olds than Disneyland Paris (disclaimer, not had to go to either for donkey's years, so could be wrong!).
I'm sorry to hear about your split, but it is really positive that you and his ex find you are getting on well - one good thing to come out of the mess!
Good luck!

Kokusai · 31/05/2017 08:07

I think it would be totally R to leave DD with her gran and to have a special time with her gran.

COuld you take her somewhere for a weekend, like Burkina or something? She might enjoy that more. Swimming, the kids shows etc.

TestTubeTeen · 31/05/2017 08:09

Good solution, OP!

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 31/05/2017 08:16

I'd take your mum with you, for me either all the children go or none.

You have years of potential trips, holidays, days out etc so need to be able to look after all three at once.

NeverTwerkNaked · 31/05/2017 08:41

rainbows I disagree, as children get older the dynamic and issues will change but OP needs to do what is right for now!
I often do one treat with one child and a different one, separately, with the other. They get special time with me and get to enjoy it on their own terms.

Seenoevil · 31/05/2017 08:42

Can't you bring your mum with you aswell?

My son is also 3 with asd and a Bolter but honestly deep down I would never leave him behind, I'd rather be stressed then leave him with his Nan while I went to Disneyland with his sister. We are actually going to Disneyland Paris in December Smile

But each to there own, I hope you have a great time either way!

superram · 31/05/2017 09:17

At 3 I wouldn't take her at all as she is a bit young-I would take her to the seaside for a couple of days.

Klaptout · 31/05/2017 09:45

Could you take your Dd and your Mum with you? Or someone who knows your DD well.
That way your dd has one to one which can be swopped with you and your Mum.
For people with a disability, Disney do offer a fast track card, you can get on rides as a priority , without queuing. Really useful when 1 wants to go on something and the others don't.
And they have a separate viewing area, front line.
to watch the parades, we liked that a lot as my three have autism and they don't like people they've never met being too near.
My son calls it, space invader stranger.

Original poster
newnamechange84 · 31/05/2017 13:20

Thanks all. Me and the kids mum are getting on fabulously and the kids love each other. We've already started arranging sleepovers etc! I won't be a step mum figure to them anymore but more of an Aunty type one. I'm trying to put my DD first but in the meantime my two DS seem to be always left out because her needs are higher. I was pretty set but after the last few comments I'm really not sure again. I feel awful. DD wasn't originally coming, one of my friends made me feel quite bad about it though which is why I booked it as I did. It will break my heart to go without her but I'll be honest, I can barely cope in my local town centre, she won't even sit through half a film at the cinema. Is it fair in her to expect so much?

OP posts:
Original poster
newnamechange84 · 31/05/2017 13:21

My mum could come but I think the dynamic with the three adults could be a bit strange.

OP posts:
walkinganhouraday · 31/05/2017 13:43

Definitely go without her. She will have forgotten in a few months that you ever went.

Do not let your 'friend' make you feel guilty. It's nothing to do with her and she won't be the one stressed out for all the reasons you mentioned in your op.

Ultimately it will be the older children whose holiday is compromised if you do take her as you will feel pressure to make sure she has a good time too.

I also agree with you about not taking your DM. As you say it will change the dynamic entirely.

Go and enjoy a guilt-free holiday with your DC and DSC - sounds like you all need it Flowers

Seenoevil · 31/05/2017 14:08

I think expecting her to sit through a whole film at the cinema is a lot, some NT 3 year olds wouldn't even be able to do that!
My ASD son would have no chance at completing a whole film at the cinema unless he really really really Liked the film and had a bucket load of snacks to keep him stillGrin and even then I'd be pushing it!

If she went would she get any pleasure out of the rides at all? You would get a que jump pass so you wouldn't have to wait in the ques as much either!

MyheartbelongstoG · 31/05/2017 14:15

I couldn't leave mine behind.

Don't take your mum as she will be run ragged.

kali110 · 31/05/2017 15:53

Don't let your friend make you feel guilty op!
You have it all sorted op, go for it.

HSMMaCM · 31/05/2017 16:07

I agree it's fine to go without her. It's also fine not to take her separately afterwards, because she's having her own holiday with your Mum. Your DD won't mind at all and will have a lovely time.

HSMMaCM · 31/05/2017 16:08

I agree it's fine to go without her. It's also fine not to take her separately afterwards, because she's having her own holiday with your Mum. Your DD won't mind at all and will have a lovely time.

hellsbellsmelons · 31/05/2017 16:12

All sounds like it will work out fine!
She still gets to go and your DS get to enjoy time with you as well.
Win/win!

MrsJayy · 31/05/2017 16:23

Can you not take your mum like pp have suggested who are you going to leave the bigger kids with while you take her? Leaving her with granny is fine though and big up peppa pig world to your dd, seems like you have had such a shitty time and your Sc mum is being a decent sort

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