AIBU to take my DD on a separate holiday?

[newnamechange84]

I have serious mum guilt so please help. Holiday to Disneyland Paris booked for end of June with DS 10, DS 8, DD 3, DSD 11 and DSS 8. However me and prick of exp split last week. No hope of reconciliation as he was having an affair. Text SC's mum to tell her sorry about cancelling holiday for SC but we ended up chatting and it's come about that the mum and me get on really well and so she's going to take exs place so we can give our children the holiday they were promised. However... beautiful DD is about to be diagnosed with ASD and is hard work. When we're out she will try and run away. I often struggle with her in the house. I'm really worried that I'm going to be out of my depth on holiday with three children, one SN, and basically no help. DD is going to be strapped into a pushchair for around 6 hours a day as the older four will be able to access different rides etc. So my AIBU is.....,. AIBU for leaving my DD with my mum and taking her to DLP two weeks later? I feel so guilty and I really don't know what to do. Please help!

Thanks all, so I've done it. DSC's mum is now fully booked to come with us and Ive taken DD off the booking. I'd paid for all the holiday before and now I'm getting about 2/3 of the money back I'd paid for half of it which will be a tremendous help given the financial hole EXP has left me in. Yes we've all been through hell including ZDSC's mum, and I think we deserve this break. The fact we've hit it off is an added bonus! Plus it'll make EXP squirm rather a lot which I can't wait for

Don;t let anyone make you feel guily!

It is important to treat your children equally and fairly - but that is not the same thing as always doing the same thing with them all!

Different needs and ages mean sometimes it is best to do separate things. This is one of these times. Take your DS. DD will have a whale of a time at home with your mum. Do something else with her another time.

Sounds like it is all sorted have a lovely holiday ☺

This from the poster below:

It is important to treat your children equally and fairly - but that is not the same thing as always doing the same thing with them all!

Have a lovely time. I have one child with ASD and no dad and one with ADHD whose dad is an abusive ex. I sometimes take one or other away for a weekend alone at a time. The pair together at once make my ulcer flare up.

Great news I think you are absolutely doing the right thing. Get your mum to take her to some fun stuff and dial down the dlp talk in front of her for now and she may not even realise she is missing out.

You've absolutely done the right thing IMO, OP - when my DD was 3, and my boys were 6 and 10, I used to leave her with grandparents for trips like Lego land (she's NT - but my DS has ASD and ADHD) as it just made sense! I figured she would get 1:1 love bombing from a doting grandparent while the boys got me and the rollercoasters! Win win!
(And I agree with PPs who say you don't really then need to take her separately as she won't know what she's missed; and a day out just her and you when the boys are at school or something would be a lovely extra treat when you get back)
Have a wonderful time!

Sounds very reasonable. Do something separate with her (maybe when older) to make yourself feel better but she really won't care especially if she is to be spoilt rotten by your mum. She'll prefer peppa pig world anyway! Similarly we are doing a weekend away this summer with older child but leaving younger child with his grandma because he's just Too Difficult to manage in public.

A 3 year old has as much chance of remembering Disney as they do of remembering an afternoon at the soft-play - you really don't have to repeat the trip 'just to be fair'.

We took our DC to DLP for their 6th and 8th birthdays (same week). Ds20 has some memories but Dd (18) can barely remember it at all.

I had fun though!

I think it's the right thing too with dd.

But I particularly love that you and your dp's ex are doing this! You've taken a bad situation and made something positive out of it!

Sounds good, OP, just play up the 'off to Peppa Pig World' angle to her and maybe don't mention where you will be in the meantime. Then take her to Disney when the time is right.

Thanks all, but yes Scandelicious it's so lovely