Evening ladies,not sure if IABU.
Hubby and I have been together nearly 20 years and have 2 children and both work.
Hubby has always cycled to and from work as he has a condition meaning he will never be able to drive,so I am the sole driver in the family.
Lately he has taken to cycling as a hobby with friends,100 mile bike rides every Saturday,he also climbs on a Thursday evening.
His passion now seems to be taking over he went out cycling yesterday,has just text saying he is going out cycling tonight and has a 100 mile ride planned again for this Saturday.
Guess I am just feeling trapped and yearning for my own me time but being the only driver means I am responsible for ferrying kids to clubs,sleepovers,birthdays,camps etc.
A typical week is as follows:
Monday night,no commitments,hubby cycles.
Tuesday-DD1 has tennis,then Brownies until 7:45.
Wednesday-Dd1 Guides 7:30-9 Hubby cycles
Thursday-Dd1 Gym 7-8 Hubby goes climbing 7-11pm
Friday-DD2 Gym 4-5,then every other Friday DD1 youth club 7-9:30
Saturday-Hubby 100 mile ride
Sunday- Girls swimming lessons 10-12
Yes,I could have me time on a Sunday but I consider that our only family time in the week.
The responsibility falls to me to drop off and pick up from the various clubs and this past weekend DD1 has been on camp,so dropped off and picked up and had to make sure I'm around,cannot have a drink in case I need to collect in an emergency.
Two weekends time DD2 is off on Brownie camp,so again will be me dropping off etc.
Although I don't resent him not being able to drive and I knew this within days of us meeting,it can be so restricting at times as it means I am always on call to be somewhere, and he just gets to do his hobbies when he pleases as he has no ties.
Oh and we are going to Wales on holiday,he has now announced he wants to cycle and meet us there,leaving me with a 6 hour journey with the girls.
AIBU?
Hubby's Hobby
Giraffelover22 · 30/05/2017 17:41
" have raised money issue with him but he says the clubs,camps etc are not essential,which I agree they are not,so he is not contributing to them."
Woah. His cycling is the least of your problems (although still huge). And I'm not surprised you struggle with low self-esteem, I'm pretty sure I would too had i been in a relationship like this.
Giraffe, you are not his wife, you are his housekeeper come domestic appliance. There is nothing equal and supportive about this marriage. he is a selfish user, draining you of your time, money, self-esteem, energy, happiness - you name it, he takes and doesn't give.
I really think you should consider your future. And the future of your daughters, because right now they are seeing the relationship between your husband and yourself, and they are learning that this is what a relationship is. This is how it works. Woman does everything, pays for everything; man suits himself. How do you feel about that as your daughter's future? No good? Neither would I.
I think you should start by taking stock of the practicalities. Without him there, what needs to be dealt with? Income - look at what tax credits and child maintenance you would be due. Practicalities - I'm guessing he leaves it all to you, so no harder than now. Emotional support - he doesn't give you any now, but you should look to family and friends for some, now and later.
I think your life and self-esteem would benefit enormously from telling him to get on his bike and stay on it.
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