I'm not sure what to do.
My friend has suffered from postnatal depression since the moment her son was born and despite going to the GP, she has never got out of it. Her son is now just turned 4.
She felt it was partly because she was at home with her son all day every day and so applied for a job in her area of work. She was lucky and got a good job.
Her ex and his family have always wanted custody of the child. No idea why but I think it's partly fuelled by the worry she will move back to live nearer family as she has no support network in the local area. Although she does have some good friends.
My friends ex has asked her to give him their son Monday-Friday and she have him every weekend. This way she doesn't have to pay for childcare or struggle with the demands of a working single mum and their son gets to be looked after by his nana rather than a nursery.
My friend says she wants this arrangement.
My worry is, she is still suffering with postnatal depression and has never fully bonded with her son. She also has no car, little money and no family in the area. She admits herself if she could get a job in her hometown she wouldn't even be considering this as her parents could help with her son.
However she has not been able to get a job back in her hometown and for now needs to stay where she is.
I'm very concerned but I'm not sure if I'm worrying about nothing.
It's clear she needs to work for her own mental health. And she's in desperate need of a break from her son so that she can destress and work on their relationship. But I'm not sure that giving her ex her son during the week is the answer. She is a brilliant mum and her son is a lovely, happy boy who loves her.
Currently her son is in school near her. However her ex is only willing to have him if he moves to a school near him.
Her ex drives and could drive him to and from the school he's in now. He just wants him to be in school in his area so he has a stronger case if she wants their son back. He also could easily move nearer her but is insisting on staying where he is even though he only rents and works out of area.
His parents are suddenly being lovely to her. I think this is to make sure she goes through with it.
Her parents agree with the move as they think her job is demanding and she won't be able to do the job as well as work and her son would be in childcare too much.
I know you're going to say this is none of my business. And if I felt she was truly happy with the decision I wouldn't even be questioning it. I just feel at the moment she is depressed,
Lonely and stressed from looking after a child single handedly for four years. She's desperate for a break and the social interaction of a job. But the decision she is making is huge and in a year once she's been in her job a year, is financially comfortable (it's a decent wage) and has had the childfree break, she might regret th decision.
I really do feel her ex and his family are hugely taking advantage of her vulnerability right now. They could easily offer to help her but offering to have him one night a week, or take him to and from school some days of the week. But they're pushing for Monday-Friday custody.
AIBU to be concerned?