To be wondering why someone would do this

[oldhabitsanddyinghard]

I'm a bit confused about something that happened many years ago. I'd really welcome your thoughts.

When I met DH, I had some pretty bad things happening in my life. I was young and I'd just lost my mum. It manifested itself in a bit of an eating disorder. Nothing really serious but I used to make myself sick and I majorly restricted what I ate.

He always acted like there was nothing wrong with any of this. In time my eating habits shifted to a sort of binge/starve cycle. He's always just ignored this, although he raises an eyebrow and gives me a dirty look if he ever catches me at it but won't talk to me about it. But if I just have something normal like a slice of pizza or an ice cream in the context of an otherwise healthy diet he gives me a hard time about it.

I can't work out why he's okay with me being unhealthy.

I know I am end but it's hard not being what you are.

That's why I think you should ask for help from a professional. They are trained to deal with these situations and will support you without making you feel uncomfortable.

You won't be letting them in to your private world, you'll be looking out of the window and telling them what is going on! Come on, you need this! Help yourself get healthy!

I'll try to lose some weight first.

I don't think I understand why you need to lose some weight first. Can you explain how that will help?

It seems like you have a reason/excuse for every suggestion on how to start making your situation better. If you're not ready to change it, you're not ready, but you need to appreciate that your situation will not change until you do something to change it. Focusing on losing/gaining a few pounds seems irrelevant and more like a symptom of your underlying issues.
Please take some time to reflect on what is holding you back from getting well and moving forwards.

This is a dysfunctional relationship.
It's a case of "I need you to be this way, so I can be the way I am".
Discouraging you from eating normally and (subtly) supporting your eating disorder keeps you "in your place", which must serve him a purpose.
This isn't meant horribly, but be honest, does staying with him give you an excuse for staying as you are?
As previous posters have said, if you got some confidence etc you wouldn't stay with someone like that.

I think you're going to find it very hard to recover from your eating disorder while you're with him, because he fans the flames of your self-hatred. In fact he provides the spark, too.

Is he in a position within the NHS where he could see your files? Is that why you're worried about talking to your doctor? If so, you could talk to your doctor about that, too. There must be a solution to it.

It sounds as though you were in a really troubled mind-set when you met him. Please try to put yourself first now and move away from him. He can be as clever as he likes, but if he's not there for you in every way, he's dangerous for your mental health.

Maybe user ... I don't really know, though.

imperial I'm not sure, I know technically he shouldn't be looking but he might just. In fact I would go as far as to say that if he could, he would.