Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Engagement Party Hosting Rant

91 replies

Bitchywaitress · 29/05/2017 19:27

Just recently we did a small engagement party for cocktails only. This was all friends of the same age group, about 18 people.

They ran a tab, then at the end queued at the bar to pay individually for the exact drinks they had consumed, leaving as a group not a penny of a tip for the bar staff that had provided table service all night, mixed them custom cocktails and even cut and served the engagement cake they had brought. (We normally only allow guests dining to bring their own cake.). Anyway my AIBU is....

Aren't engagement parties about letting the families meet each other, not getting pissed with your friends so everyone can 'celebrate your love', it seems so self indulgent.

Am I right or wrong in thinking, isn't it crap hosting to not provide even a single drink to your guests? Or no nibbles, no entertainment, no transport.

Btw the cake was brought by one of the guests as a surprise, so the plan was no food at all for a party 7pm till midnight. We do bar snacks from £4.

I just think if you can't afford at least some basic level of hospitality, then don't throw unnecessary parties of which the primary goal is to celebrate yourselves.

Comments, disagreements and Biscuit all welcome.

OP posts:
Underthemoonlight · 29/05/2017 23:31

You sound vile op

Original poster
Bitchywaitress · 29/05/2017 23:33

How lovely of you to say under

OP posts:
Biffsboys · 29/05/2017 23:33

Op I totally agree with you . This new culture of having a party where everyone pays for themselves and no food is provided shocks me . If your hosting a party then 'host it' ? If you can't afford to - don't have a party .

Underthemoonlight · 29/05/2017 23:34

Seriously all you want to come on here and slag your customers who pay your wage, I hope your boss sees this thread talk about unprofessional Biscuit BiscuitBiscuit

Original poster
Bitchywaitress · 29/05/2017 23:34

Let me guess, did you have a hen do in the Maldives where it was $75 for a bottle of Pinot Grigio?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bitchywaitress · 29/05/2017 23:36

Thanks for the Biscuit, it was my first one!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bitchywaitress · 29/05/2017 23:38

Sorry I'm being goady now so must stop.

OP posts:
Underthemoonlight · 29/05/2017 23:38

No I didn't just a normal night out but I think your post is pretty tasteless and bitchy.

PovertyPain · 29/05/2017 23:41

I think your kind of job can make you feel very jaded, OP. You see people trying to out do each other, or trying to have a 'perfect' do, while people get pissed and show you the less pleasant side of their personality. It can make you very cynical about your clients. It's a bit like the black humour that health care workers develop.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 29/05/2017 23:42

I am in the US so my view on tipping is obviously skewed.

People can throw any kind of party they want, and if guests don't like the proposed hosting arrangements they can tactfully decline the invitation by being 'busy' or similar.

If a party is thrown in a restaurant or bar it is tacky to not tip for the part you are paying for and in my area that would be $1 per drink to the bar staff.

The word 'nibbles' needs to be destroyed with fire.

BackforGood · 29/05/2017 23:45

You are not even making sense.

This couple came out to a bar and had some drinks with their mates.
You are proudly stating that you didn't have an engagement party either. Well, nor are they. They are having some drinks with their mates. You have even stated that one of their friends rocked up with a cake - nothing to do with the newly engaged couple. It's ONLY YOU who is trying to say this is a party. Yest you are also saying it's fine not to have a party Confused

silkpyjamasallday · 29/05/2017 23:45

I agree with you OP, if you throw a party you foot the bill, expecting guests to pay for themselves is weird imo. It isn't really a party if people are paying for their own drinks, it's just a night out that you want to be the centre of attention for. We had a 'bottomless' brunch in a nice bar/restaurant in London for a large group to meet our DD for the first time, we payed for it in its entirety, because we wouldn't ask guests to pay for something they are really doing as a favour to us.

But I do think you come across as a little angry which is why pp are giving you a hard time. But I agree all these baby showers/hen dos/weddings/engagement parties where it costs the guests £££ are ridiculous. If you want an extravagant party pay for it yourself.

carjacker1985 · 29/05/2017 23:46

You seem oddly rude about other people's wedding related plans, OP.

If I was invited for an evening out for cocktails in a bar, no way would I expect food, I'd eat before I went. You have no idea of the couple's circumstances, or the reasons why they had the night they did, or whether or not their friends had an issue with it.

Your post is very odd, and if you served me in a bar or a restaurant and I got a whiff of your judgemental condescending attitude I wouldn't be tipping you either.

AngeloMysterioso · 29/05/2017 23:50

Haven't rtft

First of all if you wanted to guarantee a tip you should've added a service charge

Second, to expect the hosting couple to pay for some food/drinks involves certain assumptions about their income. Perhaps they just couldn't afford it?

nina2b · 29/05/2017 23:52

The username is indeed ironic.

nina2b · 29/05/2017 23:54

You do not know - and cannot possibly know - what the situation was for this group of people.

Hmm
Notmyrealname85 · 29/05/2017 23:54

This isn't a very bitchy post - you haven't pointed out anything wrong with the party go-ers' conduct! You just don't like the sort of party they threw. Well let's put this in context - how many of us would take party tips off someone called "bitchywaitress"? You don't sound too hot yourself, especially with your reaction to what sounds like an intimate get together. Perhaps they believed the drink costs incorporated the service charge, that someone else had covered them...or (!) that the service wasn't that great. Plus venues always think they're being subtle in bitching about guests - I would say 90% of the time we pick up on it

Anyway if you were a semi decent venue with more formal parties in mind then maybe you'd offer a set of party packages with service charges built in and paid for in advance? You moan about the hosts' lack of organisation but you haven't accounted for these costs in advance. The difference being they obviously got the party they wanted and you didn't get the cash you wanted - can't say you're all that well put together compared to them. And your tone is so crass

Now if you had actually interesting anecdotes - real horror stories - we'd be more sympathetic!

Notmyrealname85 · 29/05/2017 23:57

And what did make this a party? One that you'd want to charge them more for? Sounds like nice drinks with friends to celebrate, not an actual party the engaged couple were hosting - it was probably the friends' suggestion to have a get-together

MommaGee · 29/05/2017 23:58

They didn't have a party, they had drinks who friends. They should have tipped tho.

if you throw a party you foot the bill, expecting guests to pay for themselves is weird imo. It isn't really a party if people are paying for their own drinks, it's just a night out that you want to be the centre of attention for so by that logic only the rich should have parties? We provided canapes, welcome drink, hot meal with glad of wine and toast, evening buffet at out wedding but we couldn'behave afforded an open bar so we should have slopped off to a registry office alone then? Had DS christened/ first birthday. Not only did we do a bring and share buffet (we were on day release from hospital for it imd) but no drinks were provided. Again should we have not had a celebration because people had to buy their own beer? I'm happy to buy my own drinks and my friends celebrations because its about celebrating them, not seeing what I can get out of them

Original poster
Bitchywaitress · 30/05/2017 00:15

The open bar at our wedding cost less than many brides spend on their chair covers, sweetie cart and photo booth combined. And yes I worked in a venue where the majority of couples had all 3 of these extras.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bitchywaitress · 30/05/2017 00:39

Husband is home. Thank you all. I have concluded IAB(a bit)U.

Will slink off now, and return to work tomorrow to smoke cigarettes, drink warm Chardonnay and complain about my job. Wine. It's how a bitchywaitress like me stays sane.

OP posts:
Slimthistime · 30/05/2017 00:41

OP "The open bar at our wedding cost less than many brides spend on their chair covers, sweetie cart and photo booth combined"

This is good. Only one wedding I've attended showed this level of consideration for guests.

lastcheesestraw · 30/05/2017 00:54

OP, you sound vile and bitter and jealous.

Most people know that the minimum wage is hardly enough to live on for most people. But the majority of minimum wage workers don't get tips - if you do you, then you are luckier than they are and should be grateful, not greedy for more and envious of people wnjoying themselves in a bar that pays your wages.

You just sound jealous and bitter that people were celebrating their happiness in the way they chose

Original poster
Bitchywaitress · 30/05/2017 01:09

Who said I was jealous? Trust me these were not people to be jealous of. I'm just judging.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bitchywaitress · 30/05/2017 01:11

Sorry just PMSL at celebrating their happiness in the way they chose

OP posts: