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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be confused by other people's finances...

314 replies

Haudyerwheesht · 29/05/2017 18:19

I know it's none of my business obviously but still....I want to know!

For example how does my neighbour who only has one adult working in an averagely paid job afford to go to Florida and do Disney / universal etc twice in 6 months?

How does another person I know live in an enormous house and wear designer clothes and have lovely holidays etc when they're 24, with 3 kids and don't work (husband does). I kind of know the answer to this as they're both from wealthy families....but I want to know the ins and outs because I'm nosy!

Why does my friend rent for 1.2k a month and fritter money away when they could ft a mortgage much cheaper if they had a deposit?

How can my sister moan about money when she has no mortgage or housing costs, no council tax and her and her husband both work full time??

Obviously aibu to be so nosey but I'm not the only one am I?

OP posts:
SignoraStronza · 29/05/2017 18:46

I know a couple who are deemed to be so poor that their 2 year old receives free nursery education (so earn under 16k). They still manage to take all three kids to Disney Paris and Disney Florida, dress them in Joules, Uggs, Lelli Kelly etc, pay gym membership, run a couple of vehicles plus motorbikes and mini motos plus all the gear for the kids, numerous days out and trips to Costa, several 'designer' pets.... the list goes on. Joys of being self employed I assume.Wink

Foslady · 29/05/2017 18:48

I wondered this too until I realised just how shite my wages are......

gillybeanz · 29/05/2017 18:49

EastMids

In our case we had already paid our mortgage off on our home before receiving a small inheritance.
Many would have used it to buy a new car and holiday, but the old banger we had was good enough, so we bought a dooer upper, almost a shell and now it provides the same as a pt job and allows us to afford holidays and school fees.
However, anyone who knows us also knows we are a low income family with until recently one wage.
It doesn't always pay to have both people in a couple working, but thats another thread.
There are lots of different ways people organise their lives and finances.

Original poster
Haudyerwheesht · 29/05/2017 18:50

My sister inherited a house ... A family member pays for all costs

OP posts:
Herewegogo · 29/05/2017 18:52

If one earner has the average UK income that's about 1800. If you live in a cheap area your mortgage or rent can't be about £400, plus bills/council tax/food could be about £500 which could leave you with almost £1k left over. Some people just budget well and spend money on what they feel is important to them.

ijustwannadance · 29/05/2017 18:52

I want to know how your sis has no household costs. Especially coucil tax.

Haliez13 · 29/05/2017 18:52

Debt, inheritance, parental support, investments, old insurance policy, second jobs, lottery, different spending priorities, second business on the quiet, gifts, higher salaries than others realized, whatever.

I know a friend of mine was expressing surprise that DH and I can afford to go on holiday when we both work part time. In fact, he earns around £50k working part time, in a fairly specialist role with specific skills. It's not well understood, however plus he dresses like a tramp so everyone assumes we're broke. We're not, but it seems rude to explain that he earns more than they expect. I always think unless you've seen someone's P46 you don't really know what they earn.

Poisongirl81 · 29/05/2017 18:53

We have low paid jobs but a low mortgage all relative

Bluntness100 · 29/05/2017 18:56

I have to honestly say I give it no thought. I genuinely don't care how much people spend or what they spend it on or how they afford it. I guess I'd assume they can afford it if I was pushed to think about it, either through salary, savings, frugal living the rest of the time. I don't think I'd ever assume it was credit or money they were given.

corythatwas · 29/05/2017 18:56

My parents have always managed fairly fancy holidays on very average incomes. The answer in their case is completely self discipline in every other area of life. Wearing the same clothes for decades. Never having a cup of coffee or even buying a bottle of water when they're out, but waiting until they get home. Not running a car, not even when they had 4 young children and lived in a place with limited transport. Walking everywhere, only shopping at the place within walking distance. Using handed-down furniture.

Zoflorabore · 29/05/2017 18:57

We got new floors a couple of weeks ago and several neighbours were walking past as they were being fitted, one to ask the company for a quote! And one just wanted a nose, anyway one of the neighbours said " you must be loaded, new floors and going on holiday next week " I was so shocked but replied " yes that's because dp's nan left him some money when she died recently " soon shut him up.
People are so bloody nosey here it drives me mad.

2014newme · 29/05/2017 18:57

I have read posts on here where people say "he only works in a call centre" . I work in a call centre. Managers can easily be on £100k

Westray · 29/05/2017 18:57

How do you know so much though.

My neighbours think I don't work. Most mornings they see me going to the gym ( gyms clothes, a water bottle and a towel.) They see me walking out in the woods they have even said that I am lucky to be a SAHM.
What they don't know us that I work 15 hours a week at home and earn £50K a year.

Noofly · 29/05/2017 18:59

To our neighbours we probably look like some of the examples in the OP- I don't appear towork, expensive holidays, children privately educated etc but living in a very ordinary house in a very ordinary neighbourhood. In the background, I inherited a large sum a while back which I actively manage. I also bought a bunch of bitcoins back when they were £10 a coin.

I expect quite a lot of people think we are up to eyeballs in debt.

Original poster
Haudyerwheesht · 29/05/2017 19:01

Well because they're my friends westray

OP posts:
TinselTwins · 29/05/2017 19:01

I know a lot of people who have parents who pay for their foreign holidays - downside is that all family holidays are on grandma/grandad's terms!

People can be swimming in debt and have invisible expenses - so if they're living rent/mortgage free a lot of their income can be swallowed up on repayments in interest.

I have a friend on same income as me who has much nicer things than me, her nice brand new cars are on finance though, I own my banger outright, her furniture is on finance, her nicer house is rented etc. I'm more risk adverse than her which means I don't have her lifestyle. She is due to get a big inheritance in the future though so maybe that helps her to feel okay with getting into debt now?

A low income with no debt allows you to scrimp and save. A higher income with tonnes of historic debt and it's harder to claw your way up.

More people than you think charge their teenagers rent! I know teenagers who have to get up to do cleaning jobs before college because in their family, once you're 16 you pay your way. They also pay for their own food.

People keep second homes quiet because "landlord" is a dirty word. But a lot of couples have hung onto their batchelor/single lady pads and rent them out.

SofiaAmes · 29/05/2017 19:01

EastMidsMummy there are alternatives to enjoying yourself besides eating out. Personally I learned how to cook and invited friends over and had a great time anyway while saving to buy a house. And I still eat out sometimes, but not all the time and not for things I can save by making at home like tea or coffee.

gillybeanz · 29/05/2017 19:02

what are bitcoins?

Ktown · 29/05/2017 19:03

I have a friend who has a great lifestyle but has not one penny in savings and a massive mortgage. I was pretty surprised as I am thinking about her kids and how they will manage. We are all different though.

TinselTwins · 29/05/2017 19:03

I work with a guy who has several long haul holidays a year. He lives for his holidays though, in that he does nothing but work and sleep to afford them and has no nice things/has no fun in between his holidays.

He's happy with that, I wouldn't be, I like to have some comfort all year round

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 29/05/2017 19:04

I have clients that pay a lot of money to their adult children. Outwardly they don't look loaded, but they have substantial assets. Part of reducing their estate is gifting excess income. This is often >£1k a month. That is enough to make quite a difference to a lot of people.

My DH has had about £350k from his parents, but no one would know.

Mehfruittea · 29/05/2017 19:04

I work in a call centre. I'm a manager. Not close to 100k. That would be the salary for THE manager of the whole call centre 400 seats +. Being just A manager, one of a few, the pay scale drops significantly by being one level down. Ho hum.

TinselTwins · 29/05/2017 19:04

Another colleague who appears to be flush asked me about pensions the other week Confused as in the BASICS, she hasn't ever thought about pensions before

mrsBeverleygoldberg · 29/05/2017 19:06

I'm so nosy too! I really want to know how much people earn, their mortgage size, how much they spend on clothes, food, days out and dcs birthdays.
I have one friend in particular who is always saying they have no money but has clothes from places like fat face, USA holiday, new carpets etc... How? It can't just be credit? Family giving them money?

BarbaraofSeville · 29/05/2017 19:07

Yes, enjoying yourself eating out is a terrible waste of money

Of course this depends. Plenty of people can afford to eat out, buy all their lunches from Pret, get coffee out twice a day etc etc, but also plenty of people live like that and go round moaning that they 'can't afford a holiday' or 'never have anything nice', or struggle when the cat needs the vet, car needs repairing or washing machine breaks.

The fact is that a lot of people spend a lot of money on coffees, lunches, takeaways, meals out etc, a tenner a day on a bought lunch and a couple of coffees every work day is close to £2.5k per year.

Two adults doing that could easily be spending FIVE THOUSAND POUNDS A YEAR on coffee and sandwiches etc, and that's before they get onto takeaways and meals out.

If you are in a position where you are spending this way and struggle with affording holidays or other irregular expenses, its an easy fix to make your own lunch at least some of the time and not have so many coffees and cut down that spend massively so you can afford a holiday, new washing machine or whatever it is that you're struggling with.

DP and I probably look poor - our house is scruffy and we spend almost nothing on personal grooming. I don't wear make up, I cut my own hair, I never have my nails done or the myriad of other things that cost some women a significant three figure sum every month.

But the reality is that we both have decent jobs and our mortgage is tiny and virtually interest free. So we spend our money on what interests us, which is mostly scuba diving holidays.