To be confused by other people's finances...

[Haudyerwheesht]

I know it's none of my business obviously but still....I want to know!

For example how does my neighbour who only has one adult working in an averagely paid job afford to go to Florida and do Disney / universal etc twice in 6 months?

How does another person I know live in an enormous house and wear designer clothes and have lovely holidays etc when they're 24, with 3 kids and don't work (husband does). I kind of know the answer to this as they're both from wealthy families....but I want to know the ins and outs because I'm nosy!

Why does my friend rent for 1.2k a month and fritter money away when they could ft a mortgage much cheaper if they had a deposit?

How can my sister moan about money when she has no mortgage or housing costs, no council tax and her and her husband both work full time??

Obviously aibu to be so nosey but I'm not the only one am I?

Yes, kateandme I couldn't agree more. I haven't ever been in major debt but the lack of worry I have at the moment is a real contrast with how I felt before. Money does make things easier. Although - I have some really wealthy friends - and I can vouch for the fact there are some drawbacks too - having too much money early on tends not to make you resilient or appreciative or happier about your lot.

I've no DC (not through lack of trying, £40k of infertility treatment down and no live births) and when I read about people on here having 3 or more DC I wonder how people can afford it

London childcare costs are particularly expensive, but 2 kids in full time nursery can be well over £20,000 a year. And that's before you've paid for any clothes or food or any other costs that having kids entails.

Even if you knock London weighting off that cost, if the average UK income is £26,000, how do people afford more than one child?

My friends with kids all say childcare is their biggest expense, and I'd guess from their homes and jobs that they earn significantly more than the average wage (though of course one doesn't know what anyone else's finances actually are). Not a goady question, I'm just genuinely curious.

these people who are being subbed by parents- how does that happen

Some have a monthly direct debit, others pay into an ISA the full amount annually. The DD is easier for inheritance tax planning so that's more often the route. Sometimes we just chuck a lump sum over - 500k was my most recent case.

I've no DC (not through lack of trying, £40k of infertility treatment down and no live births) and when I read about people on here having 3 or more DC I wonder how people can afford it without sounding bad I have 4 DC but have no idea how anyone could afford £40K on anything

3 and 5 year olds are not babies or toddlers.

People earning £26k pa won't be putting their DCs in full time expensive nursery that costs £20k pa. They simply can't if they want to also eat, pay for utilities and actually have a roof over their heads.

They will either have a SAHP, alternate shifts to eliminate/minimise childcare or use childminders or unpaid family members. They may also be entitled to tax credits to help with the cost.

My friend is the opposite. She's a teacher and her husband is a graphic designer. They live in a 2 bedroom ex council house. We're in an area where house prices are really low. They have 1 dd. There cars are at least 15 year old. They go camping every year and they never buy new clothes all there stuff is hand me downs or charity shops. Same with dds toys She meal plans everything and shops at Aldi.
Although there house is always clean tidy and presentable. Its very obvious money isn't being spent there either.
They are a very happy and close family. But I often wonder where her money goes.

Ugh! I get this shit all the time - I think because I'm a single parent I'm not supposed to do anything, buy anything or go anywhere. If dare to have a semblance of a life, there is always a school run mum who hoiks up her judgey pants and says - to my face - my son said your son said you are going on holiday. How can you afford that?

So this is how: My ex husband and I made good financial decisions whilst together. A move to another part of the country made me mortgage free. I work full time. My parents are well-off and as an only child, they give me money on a regular basis - for theatre tickets, a trip to the cinema, a new rug, nothing huge but it all helps. They give me money to do their shopping and refuse to take the change. Again, not much, but it helps. I am generally a saver and after the mess my ex left (house was repossessed), I literally break out in a cold sweat at the thought of no savings. So I work hard at it. I recognise the value in not buying cheap and go for less but good quality and I have taught my children to care for their possessions.. My children are the same sex so hand me downs help. I shop in sales for everything. I don't use a credit card. I use coupons, nectar points, Quidco etc. I save £2 coins. I don't do takeaways and we rarely eat out. My social life is modest.

As a result, there are foreign holidays, new cars and a house that is being slowly updated.

Frankly, I don't have to explain myself to anyone so if you know me in real life, you'll know exactly what I say to Mrs Judgey Pants! She doesn't like it that's for sure!

To answer the question I unfortunately don't get the same privileges as its my sisters husbands side of the family and he didn't have a brother I could marry.

Also on another point - our mortgage is £145 a month on a 4 bed because of aforementioned property luck when we were in our early 20s (now in 30s). It's not interest only but I don't think anyone was 'crowing' about it. That sounded a bit bitter tbh.

funnyfarmer- possibly people think the same of us.

We have a nice home, but my car is 12 years old, almost all my clothes and furniture are second hand.

I used to wonder the same thing but then I took greater pains to improve our household finances. A few years back, we decided to consolidate debt. I took out an £8k loan over two years, paying back £8,600 in total. My DH took out £10k over five years and is still paying back the staggering £18k So loans are now banned as is taking out car finance. The only borrowing we'll now do is anything 0%. We will soon have lots more disposable income to save/spend wisely.

I know someone who does mlm and her husband doesnt work. She has 2 kids and for the past 4 yrs has taken them to disneyworld and stayed onsite. No idea how she does it

You never know about somebody finances tbh - some folk will have massive new cars on the never never, holidays on credit cards etc. But you would think that they are loaded.

Actually, most people do judge on the car you drive. That is sad but in me experience, true. I think people who drive modest cars when they can afford a Range Rover NOT on credit, are very cool.

I know someone who does mlm and her husband doesnt work. She has 2 kids and for the past 4 yrs has taken them to disneyworld and stayed onsite. No idea how she does it

Some MLM types are encouraged to sell up and rent a fancy house and use equity to have a flash lifestyle that they can sell
"fake it till you make it hun!"

The nicest thing that dm ever said to me... probably the only nice thing she ever said to me. Dm "You've done really well for yourself"
Me. "Not when you think what other people my age have"
(Think I was hinting because knew there parents helped them out)
" dm. The only thing they have you don't is dept"

^Some MLM types are encouraged to sell up and rent a fancy house and use equity to have a flash lifestyle that they can sell
"fake it till you make it hun!"^

Really That's absolutely terrible. Seeing as almost no-one makes anything out of MLM they're throwing away their future security for probably a very short period of good times in the present.

I think a pp raised a good point you don't know how much people earn often unless you know them well or it's really obvious. You also don't know how they spend their money, some folks are surprisingly frugal and you'd never know it to look at them and then they save then spend their money on things like holidays or cars.

Ooh, I have friends like this. I know their income, but their outgoings don't match up! It seems to be one or more of the following:

Very long mortgage to 65 or 70 (and keep remortgaging to get equity out of the house)

Parents paying for e.g. new car, extension, nursery fees (all real examples)

Debt - usually credit cards

Inheritance

I don't think anyone would think we had a flash lifestyle! We spend a lot on our house (doing it up) but not on holidays, and buy a lot of second hand things. I am happy we're not racking up debts. I would love foreign holidays but wouldn't get into debt for it.

"think people who drive modest cars when they can afford a Range Rover NOT on credit, are very cool."

I drive a 99 focus. Do you think I'm cool?
I'm very touched. The roof is selotaped on.
I could probably afford a new one. But it drives great. What's the point.
It's not actually selotaped on. It has a leak in the joints in the roof. I couldn't pin point it so I've put ducked tape all the round. It keeps it dry. I do tell people though if I took it off it would all fall apart. I think it makes me sound cooler

I'd have to have a serious, serious windfall to even consider buying a car that was anything more than useful. Just doesn't interest me at all, but I can see why people like them. People have such different priorities for discretionary spending.

I suppose thinking about it we don't spend money on things others do
Eg; fancy clothes, alcohol, smoking, gaming, concerts or weekends away with friends (only v occasionally), our cars aren't new and we shop in Aldi. Also low mortgage. Oh or childcare which is a major one.

We do spend on kids activities monthly, holidays (but not luxurious!), food (need to sort that actually), Christmas and birthday parties .

Suppose it's all about different priorities as well as different sources of income really. I agree the shop well for less programme always amuses me- the people always buy everything at ridiculously high prices and wonder why they're skint.

Definitely family inheritance or debt. Of the people I know who live like that, one is family inheritance and the other owes thousands in loans and cc. We're somewhere in the middle I guess. A bit of a debt but we're about to.wipe that clean with some inheritance.

But I often wonder where her money goes.

Funnyfarmer your friend's set up sounds similar to ours except we live in a very expensive area so mortage is almost certainly larger. We could have spent the last couple of years getting the house done up and going on fancy holidays, but instead we have been saving like mad so I can quit my comfortably paid job to go back to uni and retrain in a much lower paid profession. I have only just told friends about it as I start uni in september, but before that I guess they all wondered what we were doing with our money. I would assume your friends are saving for something they don't feel the need to tell you about.

Couple opposite us - one of those housing association homes they build amongst private homes - 2 spanking new high end cars, she's just changed her Audi convertible for a bmw and they've been to Disney too. He fixes fridges for a company, she's an admin asst. 2 kids and rest of family in local authority housing. I must be doing something wrong!

Fucking hell. This is possibly one of the most judgemental things I have ever read on MN!!!

So these people both work full time and have nice cars and holidays and live in a property that may or may not be cheaper in rent than you pay on your mortgage?

Surely 2 adults working full time SHOULD be able to afford nice things ffs.

And as for the rest of this couples family living in local authority housing, what the actual fuck has that got to do with the price of fish?????

Suppose it's all about different priorities as well as different sources of income really.

I think this is definitely true.

DH & I are both teachers, although I'm on maternity leave this year. We're certainly not skint but we're not raking it in either (especially as we live in an expensive region).

We're going on holiday to the Caribbean this summer, which is important to us because it's where DH is from. To make this work, we've cut down on car usage and have cheap cars, live in the cheapest area of town, have eaten out I think twice this year, don't buy Starbucks, etc. It's certainly a change from my "bachelor"(ette) lifestyle when I basically bought what I wanted and had my rent subsidised by my parents