To be confused by other people's finances...

[Haudyerwheesht]

I know it's none of my business obviously but still....I want to know!

For example how does my neighbour who only has one adult working in an averagely paid job afford to go to Florida and do Disney / universal etc twice in 6 months?

How does another person I know live in an enormous house and wear designer clothes and have lovely holidays etc when they're 24, with 3 kids and don't work (husband does). I kind of know the answer to this as they're both from wealthy families....but I want to know the ins and outs because I'm nosy!

Why does my friend rent for 1.2k a month and fritter money away when they could ft a mortgage much cheaper if they had a deposit?

How can my sister moan about money when she has no mortgage or housing costs, no council tax and her and her husband both work full time??

Obviously aibu to be so nosey but I'm not the only one am I?

Elle - but surely the problem you are highlighting is more the problem with the housing market rising exponentially over the last decade or so, rather than parents passing wealth on.

If the housing market had stayed at a sensible level relative to earnings there would be no need for parents to help their early 20s DD to buy, nor would the elderly lady downsize to give her own DD equity. Its nothing to do with wealth inequality, and a lot to do with the way the housing market has risen.

However, you do sound bitter about parents passing on money. Why the heck shouldn't they?

Wherever your buyer got her cash from is none of your business! Why shouldn't her parents give her money if they have it? We are in the enviable position of having a significant amount of savings, which we have mainly built from working hard, earning overtime, not wasting it on buying stuff etc.

We have had a smallish inheritance, but have generally earned our savings. We will need some in retirement, but otherwise will pass a lot onto our teenage DC when they are in their 20s. They also have an inheritance, from a cousin of mine, so realistically they may buy mortgage free, depending where they settle. Why is that anyones business? They didn't ask for the inheritance, hardly knew my cousin, but they have it. Same with our money, we will pass some of it on sooner rather than later, because as a pp said - we cant take it with us.

My DC also have pensions we pay into, we will also pay into accounts if/when we ever have GC.

But it is our money, earned by us, so why should you be judging us for wanting to pass it on?

What else should we do with it - hand it all over to our new PM next Friday for re-distribution? Its not our fault the housing market is out of reach of the younger generation, we didn't make it happen!!!

If we ever inherit most of that wi

I think some people also get good incentives from work that outsiders wouldn't know about.

I got £250 worth of Love to Shop vouchers last year which let me buy lots of new clothes. Neighbours could have seen me coming in with carrier bags but I didn't pay for it.

My old work gave away watches,vouchers and ipads. A colleague won a 3K watch and another got 2k of holiday vouchers. That all helps.

Also, I once read on here that 'You only see what people do, not what they dont do' which is so true. You may bump into someone buying a brand new car and think that makes them well off but obviously you won't know that they haven't eaten out in a year, been on holiday or bought takeaway coffee.

Continued..
Will be passed down to DC/GC for houses.
We have already had a couple of inheritances from GP's which have helped us along but we're ok financially and sorted for early retirement.

I'm with toffee

I know damn well where the money I spend goes. All of it. I know what I spend on bills. I know what I spend on food and I know how much spending money I allow myself each week/month. Anything else is extra and is set aside and either goes on treats as and when or is saved.

You are not being nosey - it's fascinating to look at how differently people arrange their finances. I think some people are good at being frugal at day to day spending while prioritising bigger things like housing and holidays. Avoiding paying interest apart from on your mortgage saves loads, as does swapping power supply companies every year or so. Some people do rely on loans, gifts or inheritance however and you wouldn't necessarily know about these. Look at the Martin Lewis website for canny financial advice.

Its estimated that every home in the uk is #14k in debt, not counting mortgages. I live within my means, so someone somewhere has got 'my' 14k!

westray do you mind saying what you do for A living?

Its estimated that every home in the uk is #14k in debt, not counting mortgages. I live within my means, so someone somewhere has got 'my' 14k!

Every home? No way! Please send me the source of this?

not money we "earned", it was pure dumb luck. Much like having rich parents.

But some of those rich parents did work very, very hard for their money too.

@kath6144 - The problem with the housing market rising exponentially is inextricably linked to the problem of wealth passing inter-generationally - these are not separate issues. And the passing of property via inheritance is turning home ownership (a very basic desire!) into a lottery of birth.

I have every respect for you for working hard and being sensible with your money - that’s exactly the same thing that my husband and I have done and we are incredibly lucky that we are just about old enough (mid 30s) to have caught the tail end of an economy where doing that was enough to enable us to buy. If we were exactly the same people, doing exactly the same thing, but 10 years later - we would be utterly frozen out. So instead of resting back and saying "But we're entitled to it - we earned it", I would argue that we have a responsibility to address this widening inequality.

I don’t expect anyone to stand alone and make a grand gesture by donating it all to Shelter. But I do think that as a society, we should be looking at ways to ensure that a larger portion of that money is funnelled away from inheritance and huge property gains and into the public purse. How can it be right that in just a few decades, property has become a distant dream for so many people? And how can people keep putting their heads in the sand, pretending that their own family's financial situations are somehow completely isolated from the fate of the wider economy? "I'm fine - no change needed".

Its not our fault the housing market is out of reach of the younger generation, we didn't make it happen!!!
No - I’m sure you didn’t personally choose this. But it’s the baby boomer generation that built only a tiny proportion of the housing thats needed - making prices spiral. It’s the baby boomer generation who have enjoyed artificially low interest rates. It’s the baby boomer generation who looked the other way because the market - while cruel and dysfunctional for future generations - worked extremely well for them!

What else should we do with it - hand it all over to our new PM next Friday for re-distribution?
Not all of it. But a whacking great portion of it. It saddens me that the idea of redistribution sounds like such a joke. That the very idea of looking out for people beyond immediate family is a laughable idea. Have we just stopped caring?

Because life.
I spend too much on coffee - 2 coffee per day= £6 , per month that's £180 ... I could save but I don't.
In the same way people who earn an average wage could make everything from scratch, use reusable diapers, not buy many clothes, not run expensive cars .. and save for Florida.

I also only get around £9,000k a year ( I don't pay rent ) and it's a fest and famine situation - 2 weeks of the month I binge spend ... the rest I scrounge meals of frozen potato and ketchup lol .. idc I'm happy

@theclick - They did, yes. But their offspring didn't.

I'm not saying that parents shouldn't be able to leave money to their children - everyone wants to give their loved ones a helping hand. But the insane property inflation of the past few decades means that parents who would otherwise have been leaving maybe £200k / £300k are leaving £1m+. The gap is widening so much that 'hard work' is not enough to bridge it.

And - however 'canny' and 'sensible' people might've been with their property investments - can they honestly put their hand on their heart and say that they "earned" that money? Like I say - dumb luck, the accident of being born in the 50s rather than the 90s. It's one thing to profit from trading in gold or Apple shares - but we have a housing crisis and we need to stop treating our housing stock like it's just any other commodity - it isn't.

I know quite a few people who are subsidised by families, one family I know, the guy is an only child, the girl has a Mum that feels she needs to compensate. They get wages, tax credits, the work, plus both Mums subsidise them to the tune of £200/300 a week.

They spend a lot on entertainment, are always out enjoying themselves, kids get treated to designer gear from both Grandparents.

Where both my DC's had the odd thing from next or M&S, but they don't have any clue really about designer stuff. The only thing we're really funny about is shoes, they always have designer shoes, or a good brand. As DS plays football at break Clarks were just falling apart too quick.

Saying that some might think DS & DD are spoilt. As they always look smart, they have technology, they're supported in hobbies, I'm big on buying them books. They get to choose between a party or an extra big present. Then instead they'll go to the cinema & Nando's with a friend.

We have one holiday a year usually, it's tailored round the DC & their interests, so never been abroad, they don't really watch TV or movies, so wouldn't get the Disney thing. After Alton Towers their DF won't go there again even though it was a freak accident. DC seem no worse off day last year not having a holiday, prices even though it's reasonable, can't be justified when you can spend the same on a lot of different activities.

I think a lot of people must be holidaying in the U.K. As prices have risen where we usually go with is an AONB on the SW coast. Those letting have caught on to the fact many will happily get similar conditions abroad on a good week to Cornwall. I'm surprised there isn't better hotels down there catering for this. Saying that we prefer a holiday cottage where you can stay in and do pasta if you fancy, over restaurants etc.

I really don't get smug Mum who says oh we're going to a 5* all inclusive in Mexico, we're flying Premium Economy too. For the cost of that you could do so much.

I should add we always save for everything, cars are bought out right, everything is saved for, their DF has a rainy day fund, nothing is bought new for the sake of it. It has to be beyond its last legs. Like the cooker he has is 11 years old, it's missing a knob, but he's planning on an executive new build where everything is built in.

I'll be in a social housing property, but I'm not planning on having a TV. I'll go second hand for appliances, I know there's a few on benefits who say, oh we got all this from Brighthouse, it makes me wince to think how much is being paid.

Eating out is not a waste of money! If you go to good places it is an experience !!

@SantanicoPandemonium in what world could 1mil sustain someone for life??

Fuckers - in my world. £1800 a month, £21,600 a year, £216,000 a decade. A million would last us for 46 years, without taking into account interest earned on it or investment opportunities. There are many people who could make it last longer if they continued with their current levels of spending.

I was jealous of a relative who I knew earned a modest sum yet managed to keep obtaining new cars, went abroad on exotic holidays every year, had multiple pets, bought multiple gadgets for the house - computers, cameras and the like. I wondered how said relative was managing to buy all this - after about 3 years they admitted to me that they had spent the inheritance they had (approx 15k) and also had a couple of credit cards maxed out on 0% interest. Made more sense once I knew! Only problem is that the money then ran out and things got a bit difficult. They are also renting in an area that they cannot afford to buy in, and have become used to a certain lifestyle. Not a position I'd like to be in - I'm not great at saving but I have a daughter now and want to get better at managing my money to protect my family and provide for her future. This thread has actually given me a kick up the backside and I am going to stop buying crap that I don't need! So thanks to you all for sharing

I wear designer shoes and clothes but I buy on eBay. I also choose to buy food and meals in M&S but I know from times past that I could save £150 a week if I shopped in Aldi or Lidl and cooked accordingly, could probably save more, that's at least 2 amazing holidays a year but being disabled now I choose easy to cook food and weekends away in the uk over Disneyland, my choice! I wouldn't begrudge anyone a foreign holiday if they're saving for it. We all have different priorities and budget accordingly, if people spend on an expensive wedding over a house deposit and a hen/stag do over a new car then that's their choice, I chose the house and car. I also choose to see any shows I fancy but I cut back on fuel bills by putting on a jumper and closing doors. I worked and saved like stink in the early days with an absolutely no frills lifestyle, sometimes working long hours and doing more than 2 jobs especially when interest rates were over 12% so that my mortgage was paid off when I was 45 and I now have nice choices to make. I know people that carried on with foreign holidays and spending ad hoc, they ended up repossessed and now pay rent. That was their choice. I know exactly how my bank account runs, it doesn't keep me awake at night now as it once did. But I look like someone who spends money frivolously now which I'm not. And I'm absolutely bloody sick to death of being called a baby boomer and blamed by people who don't want to do what I did, (see wedding & hen do v house deposit &car) because, like a lot of my generation, I worked my socks off and went without to own my house, it didn't come as a privilege!
Oh, and I've been bypassed by my parents in favour of my DCs when it comes to inheritance. I'm not bitter about that, I've always belonged to the 'pull your socks up brigade' and I've just got on with it, which has worked imo. (Hang in there ToffeeLatte, you'll win,)
I've never been jealous of what others have. (Not since my brother had a bigger icecream in the 60's anyway)

Fuckers - I would buy a house for around £280k and spend £2k a month on whatever I needed. Quick excel spreadsheet check has me a steady income for the next 35 years based on low interest rates and low-ish inflation. I'd be happy with that.

www.mrmoneymustache.com/

Check out this website. Many people cut their costs so that they can retire early- like in their 30's. Sometimes people who seem to live modest lives are actually banking a lot of money so they do not have to work till they are 67! Smart in my book. Eating out to me is a waste of money but then I would rather buy a house in a good school district- so I used my money I saved on eating out/drinking/new clothes towards that goal.
It is simply about priorities- I value freedom over stuff so will live carefully with a view to retiring early.

You just have to find a way of minimizing your housing cost. I compromised on where I lived right through till mid 30's to save a healthy deposit so we were able to buy more house than our one job allowed. Saving money requires a lot of self discipline and lucky are those that just get the money handed over by relatives. It is also very satisfying working for it yourself.

Here is a post on how two people on professional ( not outrageous ) incomes saved enough to retire in their late 30's. It is inspiring.

www.mrmoneymustache.com/2013/02/22/getting-rich-from-zero-to-hero-in-one-blog-post/

I'm absolutely bloody sick to death of being called a baby boomer and blamed by people who don't want to do what I did, (see wedding & hen do v house deposit &car) because, like a lot of my generation, I worked my socks off and went without to own my house, it didn't come as a privilege!

I'm sorry @Teddyinglasses , but it turns out that being able to buy your own house under your own steam by simply working hard and being frugal WAS a masssive privilege. As you say - lots of your generation were able to do that.

The reality in many parts of the country is now is that house prices have spiralled so far above wage inflation (and rents in the private sector are so high), that working hard, doing overtime and cutting living costs wherever you can is STILL not enough. Of course, there are people with zero self discipline, who don't want to do what you did (as I'm sure there were baby boomers who didn't save) - but there are many who would dearly love to be able to do what you did.

I find the lack of imagination amongst some baby boomers extraordinary - there seems to be a complete inability / refusal to consider that things are not as they were, and that not everything they achieved was solely down to their individual hard work - but due to their hard work WITHIN AN ECONOMY THAT WORKED IN THEIR FAVOUR (by robbing from future generations - who are now paying their pension bills).

Most people don't inherit £1m. My father used the last of his life savings on his dementia care at home and 4 of us inherited a house in the NE of England and as my mother died not that much earlier we had IHT to pay on her estate as a result. So I am not sure there are that many people inheriting £1m. I looks like the average inheritance is now £119k and a fifth of people expect to get one www.yourmortgage.co.uk/news/average-inheritance-100k/

I agree that in some (not many) areas house prices and rents are very high relative to earnings and the biggest problem is shortage of 95% mortgages. The top 2/3rds of people in much of the UK can save up 5% if they are two people in a couple working full time to buy a 1 bed starter flat. 10% is much harder to save except in places I have relatives like Halifax and other bits of Yorkshire and NE where it genuinely is not the same difficult issue it is in the SE.

The reason the Bible says "thy shalt not covet thy neighbour's ox" is not because it will damage the neighbour but because jealousy of others never makes people happy and does not make them good. Psychologically most of us feel a lot better when we count our blessings rather than worry about keeping up with the Joneses next door or wishing we had a big inheritance.

Big equity gains in a house(and not all of us have them - we sold our last house in London at a loss - yes a loss - during the 90s property crash) are no use to the resident who may be in that house for 30 or 40 more years and not really wealth in the usual sense. When the person dies the state gets 40% of a lot of that too in inheritance tax if it is big gains so I don't think it's a particularly unfair system as it stands.