To be confused by other people's finances...

[Haudyerwheesht]

I know it's none of my business obviously but still....I want to know!

For example how does my neighbour who only has one adult working in an averagely paid job afford to go to Florida and do Disney / universal etc twice in 6 months?

How does another person I know live in an enormous house and wear designer clothes and have lovely holidays etc when they're 24, with 3 kids and don't work (husband does). I kind of know the answer to this as they're both from wealthy families....but I want to know the ins and outs because I'm nosy!

Why does my friend rent for 1.2k a month and fritter money away when they could ft a mortgage much cheaper if they had a deposit?

How can my sister moan about money when she has no mortgage or housing costs, no council tax and her and her husband both work full time??

Obviously aibu to be so nosey but I'm not the only one am I?

Often it's all about what you value.

So true. We used to go on two "luxury" holidays per year when in our 20's. Even close relatives used to be jealous of us and make snide comments. But, we didn't spend our money on socialising, clothes, new cars, etc. Even today, 30 years on, our nearest and dearest still remark about "nice" things we buy, but just don't realise that we're not paying £50 per month each on the latest iphone, neither of us has bought a single item of clothing this year and we still don't go out to pubs, restaurants nor concerts etc (whereas they do!). Different people spend their money in different ways according to what they value.

I would love to see the finances of a colleague of mine. Her husband is a doctor and she earns far more than I do (she's at least 2 levels above me)

And yet I seem to have more disposable income as a single person ?!?!

(None of us have children).

Yes. I have a friend who is currently spending money like water. Spun us a line her new job was £150k so thought nothing of it. She recently confessed to me it's £80k plus a bonus that didn't happen. She pays private school fees and is renting somewhere at well over £3k a month. Her partner earns substantially less. I know she is spending the equity from the house she sold on this lavish lifestyle and I'm terrified for her if it goes tits up.

I can spend like the best of them but I do try and keep some sense of perspective!

Going back to the childcare issue, when my babies were little my then DH and I made the decision that I would return to work PT, even though my wages barely covered the nursery fees (he continued to work FT). We knew that once they had started school the fees would drop dramatically, but I would still have my career and the potential to earn more.

Fast forward a few years and we are now divorced, but I live in a house that I inherited from my DM. I am lucky in that I have no mortgage or rent, but I would trade that in a heartbeat to have my Mum back again.

I find that getting stuff we don't need at the grocery store, and eating out whether it's the drive thru, too much, or the occasional nice restaurant, it all adds up and that is where we waste money.

Don't know how they afford the Disney trips. Very expensive! Here in the US, many people get substantial tax refunds in the spring so that funds a nice vacation for spring or summer. We've had to use ours for a new roof this year and last year a new (used) car! We have so many things to do on our house that we can't get ahead right now.

I'm often bewildered, too, by the amount spent by very 'normal' people in very normal jobs.
We constantly have to make choices; out this weekend for a friend's birthday, so really pulling our belts in this week - eating from the freezer etc.
W don't use credit cards.

our mortgage is £850 a month.. sniff

Agree with the previous posters. It's what you value. We're not able to do vacations much because we send our child to private school...people might say, how do you afford tuition? Well, we don't go on vacations very often. It's not easy but you have priorities and sometimes it's not buying clothes or not eating out, all to save for a vacation or something...they may be cutting back on other things to afford their vacation.

I do remember working with a girl (we were both girls then !) in a call centre who had never had a job before. She's just finished uni and owed her day money for a holiday she'd been on. She'd obviously been quite financially looked after by her family.

I had to explain to her how tax worked and what she would be taking home each week. She then looked at me in horror and said

"But when I've paid my dad back and the rent then I won't have anything left to LIVE on !"

I did snigger a bit I must admit. I just mumbled something like "well it's a good job that pays well above minimum wage for no qualifications so is not that bad" .

I think she moved back to London to live rent free with her parents while she saved for a house of her own. Which her parents intended to help her with. I do wonder if she has a job that pays "enough to live on" now.

Owed her dad*

I'm fascinated by this too and a lot of the time it comes down to family money - specifically, rental properties. Huge numbers of baby boomers managed to buy one or more rentals and if their kids now benefit from that rental income, then you've got a whole generation of people in their 20s and 30s who effectively have an extra salary. Also - kids of people who bought 'normal' terraces in London in the '70s / 80s are now being given lottery-win money when their parents sell.

This was starkly illustrated for us in our recent property chain. The buyer of our flat was a girl in her early 20s buying it OUTRIGHT with an inheritance. Then there was us - massively stretching ourselves to buy a doer-upper house from an elderly lady who was relocating to a much cheaper part of the country and giving her mid-20s daughter the difference. In the 80s, she was able to buy that house as a single mother doing a very average job. It now takes two people doing fairly hard-core jobs with bonuses to afford it.

After our vendor bought her house elsewhere, her daughter (who does a much more chilled out job) will have ended up with almost a million pounds, so will be mortgage free when she chooses to buy. And this is just from the sale of an average terrace in an average part of London. It's happening all over the country and it's very unfair.

Clearly, I'm bitter, as we work for every penny of our money! But it illustrates the difference between income and wealth. You can be a relatively high earner but struggle because of insanely high housing costs - whereas someone who has a much lower income but a safety net of 'wealth' will be able to float through with minimal mortgage and some very nice holidays.

Inheritances are very bittersweet though Elle. Unless you are left money by a relative you never even knew you had or something, but that must be rare.

I do agree with you about the issues with inherited wealth but at the same time I can't help but feel a bit sad for your buyer in her early 20s.

Money management? Household income here is 100k pa before deduction, we don't go on holidays. The only debt we have is our mortgage which is 1k a month. We both drive rusty old cars, ok phones as we don't have expensive PCs, no Sky, no designer stuff etc. Where does our money go?! Anyone in the same boat?

@BabyHamster - Long story... She said the inheritance was from "a family friend", but we always suspected this was a lie and that she was simply being given the money by her very wealthy parents (who were both still alive). I agree that it's very sad when someone loses people close to them in their 20s, but that wasn't the case here.

Well what would you have them do Elle? We got a massive inheritance OBVIOUSLY it's for my children, I can't take it with me!

@mynotsoperfectlife - It wasn't a judgement, it was a possible explanation of how some people seem to have a lot more financial options in life, despite not appearing to have a higher income from the work they do.

It would be quite nice if they would vote for a political party that seeks to redistribute some of that wealth, but that's another matter...

YANBU I often wonder the same.
Credit cards I guess? We live within our means

It was a judgement, though, Elle, or at any rate, some bitterness.

Most people who die don't leave enough even to pay inheritance tax but it is true some people inherit well. However most people are over 60 when they inherit so that money tends not to help them when they are younger so I am not sure inheritance is the main reason some people have more money than others.

As someone said above a lot depends on your choices and priorities. As someone said above they kept working even when chioldren cam as an investment so they still had the career when children were older. Same here - I worked full time even with tiny babies so I have not had the trouble some women have in getting back into full time work.
I am also quite careful with money although I do spend on school fees, did on the house and we usually have two one week holidays abroad a year.

I don't eat out. I've bought no clothes this year (like someone else on the thread), in fact hardly buy clothes, don't go to places like coffee bars, don't smoke or drink. drive a £1k car and most important of all tried to choose a high paid career in a profession deliberately.

Some people also have loads of debt so look rich but if you look into them they have a massive mortgage, leased cars and spend more than they have coming in and are on the road to ruin.

I don't think it ever really helps to compare yourself with others however as there will always be someone better off so what's the point?

I also try to save up every month if I can/ I am saving now to ensure the twins go to university without any student loans at all this Autumn. I am then saving after that to help them buy a first property. So I could instead be buying a new handbag or car or even a second home but I don't.

I get it alot from co-workers on how I can afford o do interesting things like kayaking lessons, horseriding, going to comedy nights and events. Thing is that is where I choose to spend my money instead of buying lunch from work everyday, or going out drinking 4 nights a week. One co-worker was bragging about spending £2k in a month on going out drinking (probably ended up buying lots of rounds) - he literally pissed away that much money. But hey each to their own.

I used to have a friend that commented on our lifestyle clearly compared to what she thought we could afford. We are lucky that if we want to do something, we'll do it but this is eating out (twice a month?), having friends round, buying clothes (Primark, Matalan, Supermarkets) doing the house up. All things that are relatively not too expensive.

We don't have any debt except a mortgage (400 per month as we're overpaying) and that will be paid off in 5ish years. We don't use credit cards as we'd rather save until we could afford something. We rarely go abroad for holidays, we prefer to camp or have a cottage in the UK for a week.

Tight? Frugal? I like to think not. Careful? Yes. I think we have a nice life and one thing we don't worry about is money. I shudder to think how some people sleep when they have debts racked up and just to pay for a holiday abroad and expensive clothes that aren't probably even worn anymore.

@mynotsoperfectlife - I said quite openly that I'm bitter (although that was intended to be humorous and was maybe a bit strong!). I don't judge the individual for choosing to pass money onto their offspring - people want to look after their children and as you say, what else are they going to do with it? But I do judge us as a society for not railing more against the inequality of it all.

My own place in the inequality is pretty small-fry: I have to work harder than some other people to have the same nice things. Boo hoo.

But I do think it's terribly unfair that there are key workers in this country working full time and still facing homelessness, while other people are handed a lump of cash and a mortgage-free lifestyle.

www.theguardian.com/education/2017/may/23/homeless-teachers-ashamed-housing-crisis-professionals

I would like to see a huge increase in inheritance tax - and possibly some sort of tax that takes account of exponential growth in the value of property. Eg. our flat doubled in value during the 5 years we owned it - we probably should have been forced to pay a good chunk of that back to the government - it's not money we "earned", it was pure dumb luck. Much like having rich parents.

I struggle to understand how anyone could be skint when they bring in 100k. Admittedly that's for 2 people and probably kids as well.

I live in less than a quarter of that and pay a mortgage (although a small one) but have a decent amount of disposable income left at the end of the month. Usually a few hundred pounds.

Maybe I just spend very little.

Each nice holiday I have is usually a back payment of maintenance. Some are just ruthlessly saved for.

I'm on benefits and have a shit ex who has a tendency to skip out on maintenance sporadically. I absolutely cannot rely on it so live in a cheap house in a cheap area and keep my outgoings to a minimum. When it comes in some gets put aside for emergencies, some for Christmas, (cos it usually stops in November and it takes 2-3 months for the CSA to catch up with him), some pays off the debt on the car. The rest I can't do anything sensible with so it goes on a really nice holiday.

Bit sad really

"Where does our money go?! Anyone in the same boat?"

If you don't know where your money goes I suspect that is the problem. I can pull up details of all my income and all my outgoings on an excel spreadsheet.in tighter times I knew them off by heart. I know off by heart how much I have budgetted for food and day to day spending money each week. If I overspend one week in know I can't keep doing that or I will get into debt. If I have any left on a Monday morning I know I can sweep that up into savings. I absolutely know where my money goes.

Now if you are on that much money and your skint, you need to take a really good look at your incomings and outgoings. Are they really what you think they are? Is your budget and realistic reflection on your actual spending and cost of living. That's where you need to be starting