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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell her to shove off?!

98 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 29/05/2017 15:52

A few weeks ago while I assume he was drunk as it was at about 2am an old colleague sent me a few messages basically saying he fancied me. I saw them the next morning and pointed out he was married and that it was inappropriate. Nothing else. He's not contacted me since.

I've just had a text from his wife and Jesus she's making out that I am some sort of man eater etc reading me the riot act, telling me to back off etc etc. I don't know what he's said to her as if she'd seen the messages she'd get a clear idea...

Wibu to point out I am not remotely interested in her husband and perhaps he is the one she needs to be talking to?!?

OP posts:
bigtapdancingpimp · 29/05/2017 16:27

He's probably deleted the actual messages but she's checked the call log and found your number at 2am. He's told her you're begging him for a shag Hmm

TheViceOfReason · 29/05/2017 16:27

"Your husband sent me inappropriate messages and i told him that they were inappropriate and to leave me alone. Thankfully I've not heard anything from him since so have not needed to reiterate how uninterested i am. I don't know (or care) what he's told you, but do not contact me again."

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 29/05/2017 16:27

Another one saying send her the screenshots of the conversation. I'd text her back and tell her that her H has clearly spun her a line of bullshit so here's what actually happened just to clear things up, and that you'd appreciate her not contacting you again as you haven't done anything wrong.

Cherryflamingo · 29/05/2017 16:28

I wouldn't be horrible or rude to her - she's clearly with a slimeball and is hurting. I would however send a screenshot of the messages and politely tell her that you have no interest in him.

Emmageddon · 29/05/2017 16:29

Oooh, loving the idea of telling her that you are going to involve HR and get her fat husband done for sexual harassment. Grin

Willyoujustbequiet · 29/05/2017 16:34

screenshot his messages to her then there's no arguing. Easily sorted.

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 29/05/2017 16:36

Personally, I wouldn't share screen shots or tell her you're waiting for an apology. She's probably in a lot of emotional pain right now, and I don't see how either of those options would help. Block him, block her and let them sort this sorry mess out for themselves. You've done nothing wrong, so chin up - but you could make matters worse through further engagement.

artycakemaker · 29/05/2017 16:36

As someone who has been in a very simialr situation I would be replying along the lines of what people have said here to nip the bloody thing in the bud right now. In my case I ignored it and have been on the receiving end of some years of grief and outright slander from the slimebag's wife who apparently believes her red-faced sweaty drunken lying husband that i was gagging for it. The fact he shags anything that will have him, and the fact that he sent me messages when I was about 9 months pregnant apparently has escaped her notice.

I hate these fucking scum who proposition perfectly innocent women and then slander them when they are told where to get off.

Berthatydfil · 29/05/2017 16:36

Message back to say
I will give you the benefit of the doubt on the basis that you are upset and your husband has been economical with the truth. Tell him I have screen shot the messsges and I suggest he tells you the truth. I have zero interest in your husband and I told him so at the time. I look forward to your apology.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 29/05/2017 16:37

Emma I know the HR probably won't do anything, that's why I suggested it as a last resort. However, if she persists it might be a good idea to give them a heads up in case the wife turns up at work looking for her.

Waltermittythesequel · 29/05/2017 16:41

Definitely screenshot the messages and send them.

I'd say "it appears you've gotten your wires crossed".

RebootYourEngine · 29/05/2017 16:42

I would have to reply to make her aware how much of a dick her husband is. I would not let someone think i was the type of person who would sleep with a married man.

DearMrDilkington · 29/05/2017 16:42

I'd say "it appears you've gotten your wires crossed".

This! With screenshots.

Willyoujustbequiet · 29/05/2017 16:47

The screenshots are the only way to go because why should the OP cover for a liar and a cheat? He's accountable for his actions and the OP shouldn't bear the brunt of it.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 29/05/2017 16:48

ItShould Normally I would agree with your sensible advice, except in this case the OP is working with the man. It sounds like his wife has been given a completely incorrect picture of what happened. If she decides to complain to the company HR department that the OP is sexually harassing her husband, complains to their boss, or just indulges in spiteful gossip with people in the workplace or mutual friends, it could cause the OP a lot of unpleasantness. She needs to know exactly what happened quickly.

pictish · 29/05/2017 16:50

Like fuck would I ignore that!
I'd send a screenshot of the messages he sent and say, "I don't know what he told you but as you can clearly see, I have absolutely no interest in your husband."

Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 29/05/2017 16:50

Yes I've sent the screenshots (sent via whatsapp) and no further comment. Better than a comment and not getting into an argument with this lady.

OP posts:
Reow · 29/05/2017 16:53

Nice! Keep us updated OP.

What a tosser.

EweAreHere · 29/05/2017 16:54

I agree with everyone else. Nip it now. Respond firmly that he sent you a suggestive text out of the blue, and you shot him down cold.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 29/05/2017 16:55

Well done OP. I wait with baited breath for a response but I doubt you'll get one.

SheSaidHeSaid · 29/05/2017 16:55

Nice touch lastqueen.

Classier response than the majority of us Grin ha!

EweAreHere · 29/05/2017 16:59

Well done.

Theresnonamesleft · 29/05/2017 17:03

Nip it in the bud now. She knows where
You work. She could come there and create a scene. Send her the screenshots of the messages.

LedaP · 29/05/2017 17:03

It really does need nipping in the bud. I have been here and it can cause so many problems down the line.

Good for you OP.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 29/05/2017 17:03

Poor women is every bit as innocent as you. Her husband fancies you. Shes jealous. Shes bound to be. I would be. You would be and okay. You're not interested but. That's no consolation to her. So No I wouldn't read her the riot act. She's probably feeling a bit melancholy and inferior