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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think he should be clear?

78 replies

DHcanbeabitofatwat · 29/05/2017 08:17

Dh has been on a diet for ages, every week he requests 'just chicken/steak/fish, green veg and eggs'

Every week he mopes around because all he has is chicken, green veg and eggs. Every week I throw out uneaten veg.

This week he has requested fish. Simply fish, no specifics in to how much or what type.
There's a whole fucking ocean out there, would it kill him to be specific?

He comes out with the phrase 'why is it all my other friends wives do a quick bit of research in to the diet and buy it for them?' and I want to punch him in the face.

Aibu to think if you are on a specific diet and not buying your own food you should be specific with the person buying it?

OP posts:

C8H10N4O2 · 29/05/2017 08:57

Apparently if you work then you don't have to do anything else.

You mean because he gets paid for his work he thinks he doesn't have to do anything else.

Tell him to spend less time on self indulgent moping and more doing his own bloody homework - if he wants something specific he needs to state what it is. If he doesn't like the shopping bill that generates, then he can do the housekeeping.

'Other peoples' spouses do this/that/the other' is usually a fantasy. Perhaps those men remember anniversaries - its irrelevant, what matters is how things work for the two of you.

stuckinthehouse · 29/05/2017 08:59

Carry on as normal. Buy and cook whatever you and dd would usually eat. If he wants something different, he can sort it himself.

robinia · 29/05/2017 08:59

One salmon fillet is enough surely? I've never eaten two for a meal
#misses the point of the thread

arethereanyleftatall · 29/05/2017 09:00

I real doubt most of his friends wives would research this for him and sort. Unless they live on a different planet to all the wives I know, who would tell him to 'reasearch it himself, buy it himself and cook it himself'. Regardless of whether they're sahms or not.

koalab · 29/05/2017 09:01

Sounds like he'll quickly lose weight if you stop cooking for him altogether and let him deal with it himself.

acquiescence · 29/05/2017 09:02

I think a bit more info is needed OP. If you both work and you are doing the bulk of work at home then he is being v unreasonable to expect you to pander to his requests. However if you stay at home and your previous arrangement was that you did the shopping and cooked be meals he is not necessarily being unreasonable to so you to support him to follow a diet plan. The way you have phrased it suggests it is a specific plan, Paleo, Atkins etc? If so there are loads of recipes out there that you could adapt (or he could for that matter if you share the cooking or wish to) in order to make life a little more tasty for you both.

NataliaOsipova · 29/05/2017 09:02

YANBU. I am a SAHM and therefore think it is my "job" to do the shopping and cooking. I always cook. But I decide what and when. If I have made a special meal, DH will be appreciative; if it's pasta and pesto because the DC have been out after school, that is understood.

"Googling and research"? Bollocks to that. If he wants something specific, then he says what and asks politely. If he needs some help in deciding what might be suitable for his diet, then he asks politely and is appreciative of your efforts to help him. He's behaving like a child, frankly.

oleoleoleole · 29/05/2017 09:03

Ask him for a shopping list and suggest you cook together.

Chloe84 · 29/05/2017 09:05

I will buy his food but he'll have to cope with mostly frozen fish and cook it himself.

Excellent! Next step - he does 50% of h/w and CC on his days off.

Serialweightwatcher · 29/05/2017 09:05

Ugh that link is absolutely my life ChasedByBees ... depressing but true! DH came home the other day whilst I was faffing about doing a hundred things at once, sat on the couch watching tv and said about 2 hours later "I haven't had a drink since I got home" AND you don't know where the kettle is or ?????

I sympathise OP - have to think for everyone in the house (3 males ... sorry males but do think that a lot of you are similar, as in the cartoon in the link) .... you need to make the food you would usually and let him pick off the parts that don't suit or do it his bloody self

PoorYorick · 29/05/2017 09:05

He comes out with the phrase 'why is it all my other friends wives do a quick bit of research in to the diet and buy it for them?' and I want to punch him in the face.

Yes, so do I.

If he wants to be treated like a baby, OP, oblige him. Serve him fishfingers with peas, tell him when it's bath time and bedtime, arrange to talk to his boss about his progress at work and put a dummy on his pillow.

Fucking man child.

beanzmeanzheinz · 29/05/2017 09:06

Yanbu
Punch him in the face

happypoobum · 29/05/2017 09:07

I agree totally with Simba
Apologise profusely for being unable to fulfil his high expections and for failing in your wifely duties and suggest he does his own food shopping as it obviously requires level of expertise which you lack. Try to do it with a straight face and in a sincere way.

He sounds like a sexist wankbadger.

RhiWrites · 29/05/2017 09:07

Ask him why your friends husbands remember their anniversaries and are grateful for having meals cooked for them instead of complaining and leaving all the veg?

RuggerHug · 29/05/2017 09:09

Chipper. Battered fish and chips and mushy peas are veg. If he resists that when you're all tucking in then he might get the message to not be vague and appreciate the amount you've done so far. I would also want to wallop him for the 'other wives' comment!

Donthate · 29/05/2017 09:10

Round here there is a company who make up your healthy meals for the week. Mainly for the crossfit people but if there's something like that near you order him a weeks worth and pretend you prepped for him.

madcatwoman61 · 29/05/2017 09:12

I would tell him that he can do his own research and buy his own food if he's not satisfied.

HoldBackTheRain · 29/05/2017 09:13

AIBU to think the rude, lazy fucker should just cook his own meals?

Original poster

DHcanbeabitofatwat · 29/05/2017 09:23

Well you've all made me feel a bit better so thank you. I just needed a vent.

acquiescence I would usually be supportive but I'm fed up of putting his feelings first. I've been supportive of his work and diet for years but now that I am at a point where I would like to return to work he's just not supportive at all and can only think about how he will cope not having me at home. He's so selfish recently and I've had enough to be honest.

OP posts:

Xanadu44 · 29/05/2017 09:35

If this helps Aldi do some amazing salmon fillets that you do in the microwave (but don't smell the house out) and they come in packs of two.

CiliatedEpithelium · 29/05/2017 09:36

I would say he is to get it and cook it himself or just have half of his normal portion of what you are cooking anyway. You are a wife not a housekeeper. Bellend is right.

LadyRoseate · 29/05/2017 09:37

why is it all my other friends wives do a quick bit of research in to the diet and buy it for them?

I used to get "waaaaa [friend]'s wife lets him go out cycling/whatever all weekend" (He actually went away all the time so yes I expected him to spend some weekends with his kids)

"[friend]'s wife blah this blah that"

Well it's not my problem your friend is a patriarchal twat and his wife is a doormat.

And now he's free to find his own doormat as I LTB!

OP your most recent post rings a bell with me - one day you just get sick of being expected to be the support system to someone else just pleasing themselves, and their selfishness becomes a massive issue.

HappyFlappy · 29/05/2017 09:39

Buy him roll mops, they're fish and he will never ask you to get him anything again

Amen to that!

acquiescence · 29/05/2017 09:50

OP fair enough. Support needs to go both ways. Good luck with your return to work.

PhilODox · 29/05/2017 09:50

Presumably you're a SAHM? The emphasis being on mum! You're not his mum.
Ask him what he expects to cut from the food budget, in order to buy salmon every day. Loo roll? Children's food? Potatoes? Then show him.all the articles about lice and their treatment in farmed salmon- he won't be eating it again, probably.
Go back to work. Honestly, he does not respect or value you or what you do, and you need to get ready to leave. Is this how you want your children to treat others? Is this how you'd want them to be treated?

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