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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Birth Plan... AIBU?

117 replies

BabyBlusher · 28/05/2017 17:02

The Portland hands clients a little birth plan template to help check what things they may wish to have and I've gone though the list happily ticking off the important things (birth pool, what pain management tools I'll use, etc.) but they offer the option to decorate a little bit.

I really don't want to go over the top like those Portland horror stories you hear about women demanding the whole room be redecorated with their furniture from home, but I would like to make it feel less medical.

I was hoping the hospital would be fine with LED tea lights, fresh bunches of roses, peonies and other flowers. My partner is happy to get flowers ready to help me feel more at home. I've gotten some backlash from friends saying it's stupid. Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones but this really seemed insulting, and no matter how I defended myself they just kept saying how stupid and useless it would all be. I really wanted them there once the baby is born but now I'm thinking twice. I know if they say something it'll upset me on a really special and wonderful day. Is it me? Should I just invite them anyway? Should I scrap the whole decorating plan so they won't say anything when they do come?

OP posts:

TrueColors · 28/05/2017 22:17

Your posts are my favourite.

BestZebbie · 28/05/2017 22:17

If money is no object get some rose and some peony jo malone scents on hankies and sniff them, then when you feel sick because of the smell you can throw the hankies on the floor rather than having the whole room scented and not being able to get away from it.

Nicky333 · 28/05/2017 22:17

Someone on a recent episode of 'One Born Every Minute' had fairy lights and shit like that. That was set in the Liverpool Women's Hospital so don't fool yourself that it's a thing that only loaded people can have. You don't have to have money to have bad taste.

I watched it and thought it was weird.

biggesttwuntinhistory · 28/05/2017 22:21

If I was paying for the Portland I'd make sure I got my money's worth. I'd probably ask for caviar and a mariachi band.

Actually LOL'd til I cried and felt a bit sick at this. Trying to imagine what a mariachi birth-motivation tune would sound like!

jamdonut · 28/05/2017 22:24

I never even filled the birth plan out! (NHS) I was far too busy actually having babies to be worried about what the room looked like, or if there was music or twinkly candles. You don't even care about that once you are in labour...all you can think about is what is happening to you, and how soon you can get the baby out. Go with the flow.
Plenty of time for nice stuff when you get home with the baby.

3luckystars · 28/05/2017 22:25

Lidl are doing lovely bunches of flowers (for when you get home)

cestlavielife · 28/05/2017 22:26

Plan for whatever you want.
Just be aware things might not go to plan.
Don't be upset if you rushed off for emergency caesarean with no tea lights.
It's the next 18 years that are important....

Geneswoman · 28/05/2017 22:26

Oh OP I don't understand the negativity against your ideas. I'm a Hypnobirthing Mum and Teacher and I though you won't find scientific studies on it, anything that makes you feel good, calm and relaxed and happy (as flowers often do, as do candles and family photos, nice smells) I believe will really help you. Please do what you want and don't let anyone put you off. I was NHS hospital for both and doubt it would have been allowed to have flowers but anything that makes you feel good and comfortable will help you I promise. Good luck and PM me if you want. Everyone has an opinion on labour, birth and beyond (that includes me I guess) do what's right for you and yours xx

Bunnyfuller · 28/05/2017 22:29

How does it work? Do you have to give the florists a ring as you go into labour? Will they arrange them all while you squeal? What if it's a cs?

Birth and plan are not words that go together. I wrote 'I am ready for the drugs now please' on mine, at 3 months. And even that didn't go to plan- cs!

ememem84 · 28/05/2017 22:30

Oooh I'm going to ask my midwife if I can have fairy lights and naice flowers and a mariachi

user1492958275 · 28/05/2017 22:32

Is this your first birth?

If it is then fair enough, but get used to people giving you their opinions/snide remarks/parenting advice unwanted or wanted, it all differs.

Unfortunately no amount of money or flowers or brilliant midwifes can change how your birth plans out, baby can come at any time, fast and way before you even make it to a hospital. Just be aware of all options. Flowers are an odd request, lights are fine, take food/drinks or whatever you want but always have a back up plan (Just incase) Unless you're having roses on tap for the weeks before you may not get them on a rushed arrival into the hospital.

I hope you get the birth and arrival you want, we all wanted a peaceful relaxed birth with minimal pain, I'm sure. If you can go someway towards getting that, go for it. But be aware it may not actually happen, for your own sake that is I wouldn't like you to feel you hadn't got a nice birth because of flowers.
Is it the look or smell of them?
Maybe you can find some very decent fake flowers to put around when you get there? Or use a perfume / air freshener? Take a small blanket that smells of things you love and calm?

If it's not your first baby, curiosity asks me, how did it go?

And as a side note - and I mean this in the nicest possible way without being a jerk... But no one really gives a shit about your birth plan and there is nothing more boring than a friend/relative going on about babies/pregnancy and birth when you're not pregnant/giving birth or recently had a baby. (and even then it can be a push)
Maybe they don't mean to be rude but most people find it incredibly boring. New mums will see everything you say as advice or as competition, it'll always seem it's a push to see who is talking walking sleeping through the night first, don't be one of these parents.

We've all been there and we've all been you at one stage. After your first birth you just realise what is important and what isn't.

Good luck for you and the safe arrival of your baby whatever you choices end up being. Babies are a blessing and you're very lucky. :)

Vroomster · 28/05/2017 22:33

I couldn't have cared less about the decor, I was in a huge amount of pain and I just wanted to know if the baby was ok and if I liked the midwife. A unicorn could have trotted in for all I cared.

Daddystepdaddy · 28/05/2017 22:35

My DW pretty much just wrote epidural in big letters on her birth plan for our youngest. Which pretty much ensured that DD was so quick out that she didn't get one.

Whatever makes you comfortable and get through it is right for you, but be prepared for your birth plan to be effectively ripped up.when labour starts.

Tw1nsetAndPearls · 28/05/2017 23:05

There are some quite mean spirited posts on here.

I found my first birth experience to be very traumatic and I am sure it was the start of my PND. I walked around in a slightly dazed and confused for weeks after.

With my second I was determined to do everything that I could to make it different ( whilst acknowledging that some things are out of our control).

Due to my age and BMI my second pregnancy was deemed to be high risk and I was told that I was facing giving birth on my back attached to machines. I worked my socks of losing weight and getting fit and ended up having the birth experience I wanted. I went to NCT classes, the yoga, the relaxation classes, read all the books and listened to endless hypnobirthing tapes. I turned up with my fairy lights, fake candles, blankets, cushions, birthing ball and music and was determined to have a very different experience. Of course there is an element of luck in it too but I look back to my son's birth and it was a calm, spiritual, magical and moving experience and my tasteless tat all played a role in that. My sense of calm remained as I took my baby home and this time I had no PND despite being seen as very high risk,

I hope OP that you get to make choices during your birth experience that empower you and help you in your early days as a mother.

Intransige · 28/05/2017 23:18

I don't think it's a given that the birth won't be according to your birth preferences, or that you won't care what your environment is like during labour.

I was in pre-labour for six and a half days with DC1 and for three days with DC2 and my environment mattered a great deal to me because every time I got stressed or upset the contractions would stop again. So I spent a lot of time in a calm dark room with some fairy lights and music I liked, and it helped a lot. As did my lovely lovely TENS machine.

And then once I was in established labour both births went according to my birth preferences. (Yes, I know how lucky I am!)

FirstOfHerName · 28/05/2017 23:26

Oh it's that OP! Well she definitely won't have to carry her own bags at the Portland!

chipscheeseandgravy · 29/05/2017 00:22

People decorate their hospital rooms for labour? I didn't even know this existed!

Flowers and lights sounds relaxing.

Mermaidinthesea123 · 29/05/2017 00:25

I don't think it's stupid at all. I gave birth in a bleak plain white tiled room aged 21 and was so terrified my contractions stopped and I had to be induced and suctioned. It's really important to feel comfortable and happy during birth.
I can't see how it's possible to give birth normally if you are not mentally comfortable.

emmyrose2000 · 29/05/2017 00:48

I don't believe in birth plans, especially after my own experiences. I wasn't in the labour rooms long enough to worry about the decor.

With #1 I was too busy worrying whether the baby was actually alive after an unforeseen complication resulted in them being rushed to intensive care before I even had a chance to hold them.

#2 was in a birth centre. Another easy and quick birth. Within half an hour I was minutes from death and didn't regain consciousness for 24 hours after emergency surgery. So much for soothing music (which I told the midwife to turn off as soon as I walked into the room) and dim lights.

hmmwhatatodo · 29/05/2017 01:27

Is this some sort of joke thread?

FlapAttack88 · 29/05/2017 01:31

I have just read the other thread about 2.5 per month on gazpacho and giving 600 pounds per month to the new village for flower baskets.

Sod bringing in a few peonies. . Build yourself a new maternity ward using peonies laced together with unicorn hair

If this is your first baby I can't wait for the help i am a new mum posts and to come!! Especially the weaning ones.

FlapAttack88 · 29/05/2017 01:34

PS no amount of money or peonies are going to save your labia looking like a confused bag of mince at the end of this (unless you opted for a c section of course but then that's not a barrel of moet laughs either)

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 29/05/2017 01:46

I had a birth plan for my 2nd. The nhs asked who I wanted as my birth partner. I said George Clooney. They were all very disappointed when he didn't show up. I really didn't care (my DH was there, commenting on how wild my hair looked)

sykadelic · 29/05/2017 02:20

My DS arrived 3 weeks early, in the sterility of an operating room as there were complications.

I'm not saying there WILL be for you, nor am I hoping for them, but please please focus on something else rather than decorations... such as a nice gown for yourself, or painting your toenails, because it will just add to your upset if none of it happens as you "planned".

I went for "get the baby out safety" and that's what happened.

blueskyinmarch · 29/05/2017 07:20

All you really need are Mars bars. A lot of Mars bars. Giving birth makes you very hungry.

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