Birth Plan... AIBU?

[BabyBlusher]

The Portland hands clients a little birth plan template to help check what things they may wish to have and I've gone though the list happily ticking off the important things (birth pool, what pain management tools I'll use, etc.) but they offer the option to decorate a little bit.

I really don't want to go over the top like those Portland horror stories you hear about women demanding the whole room be redecorated with their furniture from home, but I would like to make it feel less medical.

I was hoping the hospital would be fine with LED tea lights, fresh bunches of roses, peonies and other flowers. My partner is happy to get flowers ready to help me feel more at home. I've gotten some backlash from friends saying it's stupid. Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones but this really seemed insulting, and no matter how I defended myself they just kept saying how stupid and useless it would all be. I really wanted them there once the baby is born but now I'm thinking twice. I know if they say something it'll upset me on a really special and wonderful day. Is it me? Should I just invite them anyway? Should I scrap the whole decorating plan so they won't say anything when they do come?

I'm sorry but I am with your friends.

When you are in labour you wont give a toss whether there are flowers or the England Ruby team in the room. And as pp's have said, flowers are an infection risk, our local hospital has banned them altogether so there is a very good chance that you wont be allowed them, especially not a huge arrangement like you seem to be envisioning.

I don't see the problem with it, I think your friend was really quite insensitive. The Portland has been known to decorate entire nurseries for the arrival of some babies at the request of the parents.

You can receive flowers at the Portland.

I'm unsure if you are decorating the delivery suite or the postnatal room though can't see a problem with anything on your list?

Your birth, your plan, your friend should keep her opinions to herself.

You can do whatever you like at the Portland as long as you're paying for it. Some incredibly rich people from overseas have the entire floor redecorated to their taste. I can't tell you how I know this.

I never had time to shave my legs never mind decorate the room beforehand lol

"I have to say I barely noticed the 'environment' in labour."

Same here.

When did hospitals start banning flowers? They were always a visitors staple.

It's a lovely idea but seriously... once it comes to it you would be happy to give birth in tesco car park

I wouldn't bother but if you've got money coming out of your eyeballs do whatever you makes you happy.

Flowers are an infection control risk and have been banned for years. At least in all the trusts I've worked in.

@vroomster - they are not banned at the Portland. The Hospital porters are quite happy to deliver them to you.

@shopkinsdoll they do it for you. You don't turn up with a tin of dulux

Flowers are not banned in private hospitals, I had loads in my room. if you have a home birth you can be surrounded by pot plants and orchids if you want. Can't abide the ridiculous H &S brigade on this point.

You can have flowers at the Portland, they are delivered to your room by front of house staff if you receive any as gifts.

Fuck em. You do whatever you want to make yourself feel relaxed!

Flowers are banned in practically every NHS hospital for multiple reasons:

They and their water are an infection risk
They set off allergies - not good for other patients (and staff)
Wards had to store and clean a bunch of vases to keep the flowers in
Nursing time was taken up by well meaning relatives asking them to stick bunches of flowers in vases or knocking over the vases and soaking sheets in water

Have what you want, but don't get huffy if your mates take the piss, you'll probably laugh at yourself in the years ahead. Take it on the chin and do what you want anyway.

Do what YOU want to do and don't let envious 'friends' put you off. People are probably right in saying you won't really care at the time, but if it makes you happy and relaxed that can only be a good thing for labour. I would have loved to have had a pleasant environment to give birth, I had planned a home birth but we ended up moving unexpectedly and completed and moved into our new house 2 days after dd was born. I did get my mum to deliver my own goosedown pillows to me before I went onto the ward so I had some home comforts.

I must admit that none of that is anything that would even have occurred to me, but then I would never have been able to afford to give birth at the Portland.

Do what you want if money is no object and the Portland will indulge it.

Don't be surprised though if you hardly even notice any of it during labour, or if you even change your mind about it all once it is too late.

It does sound rather bonkers to me, but it is your body and your birth. Your call entirely.

In the last few weeks of my first pregnancy I spent every waking moment trying to find a kaftan in exactly the right shade of turquoise to labour and give birth in.

When it came to it I ended up naked from the waist down wearing an old vest top that I'd come in with under my blouse. I truly couldn't have cared less what I wore.

I guess it was all about control. The prospect of labour is a bit unknown and scary and maybe for some people focusing on something seemingly trivial gives you at least a semblance of control.

I think your idea about tea lights is a really good one, especially if you are in the hospital for pre-labour as well.

I was at home for both births so had no need to make the room home-like, but I was really glad I had blackout blinds and fairy lights and music through headphones to make a nice calm space.

Once things really got going I stopped caring about anything other than each wave of contractions but atmosphere was very important to me during (days of) pre-labour and early established labour.

Thanks everyone! I just want to say I have checked with The Portland and they're all happy with my plan, it's possible and no issue. I understand it does seem like a lot of faff for nothing but I think the smells and softness would really help me calm down. Kind of like hypnobirthing? But lots of people have made a good point - I probably won't care in the moment. Hopefully I won't care if anyone says anything negative either, I'll have my new little baby!

I must be in a minority to have not cared less that the environment that I gave birth in was a medical one. I had a high risk pregnancy so home birth was not an option. All I wanted was the safe delivery of my child - which is what I got (pus a textbook delivery)

Nobody should be making negative comments about a fake tea light and a bunch of flowers fgs, you haven't very nice friends! I'd just keep your plans to yourself op then they can't comment

plus not pus. D'oh!

I accidentally gave birth in my clothes (minus knickers obviously) in the assessment room as my labour was very fast! I'd gave been gutted if I'd brought fairy lights and flowers that never got used.

I can remember arguing worth the midwife "no I am not giving birth now - I am having an epidural - it says so IN MY BIRTH PLAN".
My husband only turned up less than 5 mins before baby shot out and remarked on his disappointment that he didn't get a toke on the gas and air.

I also think you should stop telling them your birth-plan. It's something which many people will snigger at even if you just have the basics in it. Do whatever you think will make your birth comfortable, there's nothing wrong with it and I wish I had the chance to change the room I was in!

Oh thank god. I had to read it twice to see that they're LED candles, not the real ones. Having come across someone who thought real ones were a good idea...