To ask this about breastfeeding?

[Iloverichtea]

Just curious as to what people's opinions are really.

In the last few weeks I saw a guest on This Morning who was still breastfeeding her 5yo son. It got me thinking about bfeeding older children.

What do you wise MNetters think about this? Are there benefits health-wise as children get older? Is it more about Mum than baby? Or does it just come down to to what feels right for each family. I imagine it becomes a bit hazardous when they cut teeth

I have a 9mo DS who was/is formula fed, but I have an open mind as to what to do with any future DCs.

Anything older than two is just weird, really weird. And I don't think mentally it's good for mum or child.

It's one thing I'm very judgmental about, actually. Thankfully though, I've never met anyone in real life who has breastfed their baby past two.

Yup, Blaaaaaaaah has it. That's why I don't think it's mentally good, particularly for the child.

I think that's incredibly judgmental whattodo each child is different and what's right for one to stop bf at 6months may not be the right decision to stop at 3 for another. Of course there's going to be little nutritional value but why is so 'weird' to let a child stop when they are ready?

I know of a 5 year old who breast feeds morning and evening. He is incredibly independent, has a good circle of friends and seems to be doing very well in his first school year. Certainly not a little boy dependant on his mother.

Human children drinking human milk = weird and mentally damaging

Human children drinking cow milk = fine and normal

Got it.

I know, I already acknowledged it's something I'm very judgmental about.

If he wasn't dependant on his mother, he wouldn't need to breastfeed. I think doing it at five years old could almost being described as abuse.

If they were literally sucking a cows udder to get said cows milk, 53rdWay, that would be damaging and weird too.

Personally for me, BF til the age of 5 is ridiculous.

But each to their own, if mum & child are both happy then crack on.

Families can and should do as they please as long as everyone in the family is happy.

Having said that, the one person I knew who breastfed school aged children is deeply odd in many, many ways. But I keep an open mind as she is the only person I know to have done that. Her weirdness is at least in part totally unrelated to the breastfeeding.

Rockhopper81
Quite

Frankly to me what pp said was 'odd' but it's a 'blanket statement' apparently
8.5 is the child's 'natural term' my arse.

I breastfed my daughter until she was 5. There were times I wished she would stop so it was not about me at all, but it was a lovely comfort for her. She stopped without any sort of drama just after her 5th birthday. I was sad and hormonal for a while and then not feeding became our new normal. There was no weaning.
She has never been sick, never been to the doctor apart from vaccinations, never had an antibiotic. However, I formula fed my older children and both have the same health record they are 9 and 8 and have not had antibiotics either.

Thankfully though, I've never met anyone in real life who has breastfed their baby past two.

That you know of.

As mentioned upthread, literally nobody beyond DH and me knew that DD was fed until 3.5. Partly because she only had one feed at bedtime, partly because it never came up in conversation, but mostly because of attitudes like yours.

I think once they go to school then you could stop. But if you wanted them to still get the health benefits expressing would be the way to go.

I have met hundreds of women who breastfed 3 years olds, and dozens who breastfed 5 year olds.
Most of them had close friends and family who were unaware of the fact.

IMO it does involve an unecessary degree of infantilising of a growing child and prolongs a stage where physical attachment to their mother's body is needed for comfort when they should be learning skills which equip themselves to self soothe when their mother isn't there which is a valuable skill for independence.

So bf a child to 5 instead of another age makes them less likely to learn to be independent?

Can you pass us all the research that backs that up?

Is there a difference in the level of independence achieved by a child using bf for comfort rather than, say, a cuddle, a favourite toy, a thumb to suck?

Anything older than two is just weird, really weird. And I don't think mentally it's good for mum or child.

Lots of experts on this thread then.

Sure, children need secure and living attachments, but once those are in place your job is to start making them secure enough to do without you little by little until they're independent adults.

Small children are innately driven towards independence. The parents' job is to enable and support that and it is exactly what mothers, including those who are long term BFing are doing every day. You just have a different personal opinion about the appropriate timescale.

There isn't a set point at which children suddenly stop needing parental care and affection and, if there were, it most certainly wouldn't be before 5 years.

The issue here is that lots of people are conditioned to see BFing as something you do to tiny babies and therefore assume that BFing a toddler is infantilising them. In contrast it is considered normal to cuddle a five year old, for a four year old to suck their thumb or for a three year old to use a dummy. Those are all also things we do when they are newborn but we are also used to seeing them happening to older children.

The more accepting and supportive we are as a society, the more people will see extended BFing happening around them and perceive it as normal. The opinions based on skewed perceptions of what should be normal will, hopefully, die out or become less socially acceptable and challenged more and more often as society progresses.

One family I know breastfed until 6. It was partially for the nice bedtime cuddles, but also because they were vegetarians who didn't believe in drinking cows milk (don't think they were strict vegans though), but realised the importance of young children having dairy.

The global average is 4 years old, us Europeans wean very early compared to everyone else. In prehistoric times we probably fed our children until they were about 7-8.

It's one thing I'm very judgmental about, actually

Why? What nefarious effect can it possibly have on you?

And I don't think mentally it's good for mum or child

Super - an expert. Have you got stats to back that up?

My DD bf until 3 years and probably about 8/9 months. She would chat about it at school. She can remember feeding and quite often talks about it even now she's 10.

There is no contradiction between natural term bf and 'independence'. Providing children with the security they seek is, in fact, thought to aid the development of independence, as it means they feel they are proceeding into the world from a secure basis. I can't say that my 12yo is any less independent for having been bf to 4.5, nor my 9yo for having bf to 3yo.

I do think this is connected to a particular disquiet around bf, but also that UK culture is strange altogether around children's 'growing up' and 'independence'. In one respect there is a lot of pressure on parents not to 'baby' their children and unease at children doing actually absolutely age-appropriate things (seen on various threads on here: bf at age 2/3/4; liking CBeebies aged 5; struggling with reading/writing at 4 and with potty training at 2). Watching frightening films or reading books with complex plots at an age too young to understand them fully is considered a sign of advancement. And yet we clutch our pearls at the thought of an 8yo walking to the postbox unaccompanied or a 9yo walking to school alone. The longer I live in Germany, the more I think they've got it right - a bit more right, anyway.

It's really nice to see a thread using more natural term than extended hafta say
Well that's in the middle of the usual ignorant judgemental bollocks and the mumsnet rule of babies who have just slid from the womb should be practising independence before the slimes removed that is.

I nursed until 3 1/2 years give or take a couple weeks and there's nothing ruddy fun about it and it's none of anyone else's business how long they do it for.

When you say "is it more about mum than baby?" do you mean "do mothers get sexual jollies from having a baby suckle?" Because I cannot think how else to take this extremely comment.

I only BF mine until they were about 1yo. I hated every minute of it but kept going until they lost interest. Currently pregnant with DC3 & I doubt my 6 & 4yo will want to go back to breastfeeding when this one comes along but I'll definitely try expressing & giving them that instead of cows milk if they'll drink it. I hate expressing too, it's definitely not about me! I'll bf for as long as this baby wants it, whether that's 6 months or 6 years in spite of the fact that just thinking about the feeling makes me shudder!

I hope it's easier for you this time @agnu I think it's admirable you've fed two children to a year whilst hating it and are planning to a third