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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask this about breastfeeding?

98 replies

Iloverichtea · 27/05/2017 21:34

Just curious as to what people's opinions are really.

In the last few weeks I saw a guest on This Morning who was still breastfeeding her 5yo son. It got me thinking about bfeeding older children.

What do you wise MNetters think about this? Are there benefits health-wise as children get older? Is it more about Mum than baby? Or does it just come down to to what feels right for each family. I imagine it becomes a bit hazardous when they cut teeth

I have a 9mo DS who was/is formula fed, but I have an open mind as to what to do with any future DCs.

OP posts:

Goldfishshoals · 27/05/2017 22:40

I really don't understand why so many people seem accepting of the idea that cow's milk is a healthy and nutritious thing to have, but then don't think the same about human milk.

newtlover · 27/05/2017 23:08

I can think of a few reasons-
bf is ruuuuude, because, you know, tits=sex
we are not actually mammals and therefor lactation is not natural for us
bf costs nothing, and is done by women whereas formula, special toddler/child food all costs money which goes into the pockets of capitalists
you can take your pick of those and I could add more...

GreenShadow · 30/05/2017 18:02

*Really, really do not get the 'it's for the mother's benefit' comments. Just so daft, there are enough battles to fight with a wilful toddler. Ramming a boob in a reluctant face is not one of them."
I can't imagine many mothers continue to feed unwilling toddlers. I only carried on b/f my toddler DC if they wanted to - which DS2+3 did. DS1 had enough by 12 months so I stopped.

Bettyspants · 30/05/2017 18:06

Was that Sophie's joy? I followed her for a while and whilst I disagree with some of her thoughts I found her advice on natural term bf very helpful. Shocked by her death.

Only1scoop · 30/05/2017 18:11

At 5 I find it odd.
Haven't a clue why. I guess I look at my tall independent 5yo and think No that wouldn't be on our radar.

flownthecoopkiwi · 30/05/2017 18:43

Bf DD to 3.5 and DS is just over 3 and still bfing to sleep and in morning. It's not for my benefit but he'll stop when he's ready and no rush. Never intended to parent like this (we Co sleep too) but it has worked for us.

Trifleorbust · 30/05/2017 18:55

I think it's a bit strange once the child doesn't need the milk. Sorry, I know that isn't a popular view but there it is. And I don't think it is ridiculous to question whether BF a 7 year old is fulfilling a need in the mother. I am certainly not suggesting it is anything sexual.

emmyhNL · 30/05/2017 19:05

There are some great pieces of research and information out there about extended breastfeeding. I don't have an end date in mind for my DD. I've read the research and it makes for compelling reading for things like reduction of allergies and digestion issues in later life.

It's also a sure fire weapon for me to soothe her when she's ill /teething/ overwhelmed. Sometimes cuddles, distractions just don't cut it and I know with breastfeeding I can calm her down easily. that's worth its weight in gold sometimes!

yayayahey · 30/05/2017 19:27

Ds is 3.5 and nursing still 1-4 times a day. I partly love it and partly hate it. We talk about stopping and he reverts in to crawling around the floor and talking in baby talk whenever I do and says if I stop the nursing the baby will starve. Crafty little bastard.

yayayahey · 30/05/2017 19:32

He's allergic to cows milk and hates every alternative I've tried so that's another reason. And his diet is awful. Like take him to the doctor and panic awful. I've had three different peds say 'keep up with the breastfeeding of you can.'

glitterglitters · 30/05/2017 19:35

It's not for me but I totally support and admire those who feed to natural term. So much of our lives and society turns against what is natural and vilifies those who try and do what they feel is best for their kids. It must, however, be mutual and not one sided for either party.

I'd much rather see that than people sticking their kids on formula early on because it's "inconvenient" to breastfeed (not bashing any formula feeders as I do believe it has its place and a valid choice but I hate when people do it purely so they can go on the lash etc)

howthelightgetsin · 30/05/2017 19:37

I always wanted to do a year. The idea of an older baby freaked me out slightly and I somewhat naively assumed I'd feed 12x a day .. down to 10x ... to 8x etc and at a year there would be a few feeds left that could be easily cut out.
At 11m I know I'm nowhere near stopping. It's not about me, it's about how awful it would be to take away something that he does so many times a day and night. It has immune benefits and is great because food isn't that major part of his diet yet (BLW - it's going well but slowly). If he falls it's his comfort. It's he easy way to help teething pain and the easy way to help him sleep.

More than that - and I never expected to feel this way - it's just the biological norm. It's what me and him are meant to do and I have no issue carrying on til 2 or 3 etc.

glitterglitters · 30/05/2017 19:39

I breastfed my dd till she was 19 months and she self weaned. I would have been happy to continue on though x

43percentburnt · 30/05/2017 20:02

It's for the benefit of mothers! Ahhh does anyone want to say that at 3am when one of my 15 month old twins wakes for a feed? Or at 4am when the other one wakes for a feed? Yep can't wait til 3am! Love listening to the birds chirping each day.

I think the uk is pretty poor at promoting breastfeeding effectively. I never intended to feed my son for 2 years, he gave up himself. I will feed my twins as long as they want to feed too. It does no- one any harm. It calms them when they are upset. Helps them go to sleep. Relaxes them. Lets us regroup at the end of a working day. They hold hands to feed sometimes so I guess it's helping them bond as siblings too.

I have no issue with formula feeding (as long as the woman is getting to make her own choice without family pressure to formula feed) but think it's pretty sad that women providing comfort and immunity (and lowering their own risk of breast cancer) to their children is seen as strange, whereas giving powdered cow milk is seen as the normal or correct choice.

I'm sure there's worse things to feed 5 year old children then breast milk.

rainbowpie · 30/05/2017 20:09

I wanted to get to a year with DD and ended up continuing until she was a little over 2. As a PP said, they're only ever a day older than the day before. There was never a good day to say "you've had enough now". Currently feeding 8mo DS. I might bf for another month or another year or two.

They don't use their teeth to feed... I've had the occasional nip while they get used to having teeth but that's it.

Aaand it most certainly is not about the mother! I'd have had a much more exciting social life if I'd formula fed and I bet my boobs would look far less wrecked. So knob off with that quip.

yayayahey · 30/05/2017 20:21

I'll tell you something. It isn't for my bloody benefit.

Writerwannabe83 · 30/05/2017 20:37

I breast fed my DS until he was 2.5 years and by then I'd had enough.

I read something earlier about one woman BF'ing her 7 year old and another woman BF'ing her 8.5 year old. The mother of the 8.5 year old said she doesn't have any milk yet obviously still allows her child to suckle. I have to admit that I was a bit

Only1scoop · 30/05/2017 20:40

That's just odd

Bettyspants · 30/05/2017 22:12

Only1scoop yes you've said you think it's odd twice. Message received. Many cultures consider it 'odd' to not bf a child until natural term . It would be nice to see an informed view rather than a blanket statement.

Only1scoop · 30/05/2017 22:33

Ok Betty, apologies for not conforming to your requirements.

Smellbellina · 30/05/2017 22:57

I think scoop meant that appology sincerely. I really do.

Bettyspants · 30/05/2017 23:10

Bless.

Rockhopper81 · 30/05/2017 23:35

I assumed Only1scoops's comment of something being odd was in reference to the 8.5 year old who was still 'breastfeeding', but without actually getting any milk. So, just suckling. Which is odd and does raise the question of, "why?"

But BF until it doesn't work for either of you anymore is, I think, the way to go. My friend attempted to express and still nurse when she returned to work, turned out the employer wasn't as understanding and accommodating as they should have been, so she stopped at 6 months. Another friend nursed to well over a year and yet another friend only ever formul-fed.

Whatever works best for everyone, for however long, in the given circumstances.

Bettyspants · 30/05/2017 23:53

Rock I assumed that until I read a few comments up. In agreement it's what works for the individuals concerned, I'm sure my DC would have loved to have bf until natural term but it wasn't possible from a practical point of view. 8yrs is very unusual in any culture but if that child is having comfort from suckling I see nothing wrong with that choice.

Blaaaaaaaah · 30/05/2017 23:54

Ultimately, a parents most important job is to seperate from their child. We might not like to think about it when they are cute little wee bundles, but the most successful parents are those who bring up confident, independent children who can look after themselves and still have their parents in their lives because they want them there. Not because they need them there.

IMO it does involve an unecessary degree of infantilising of a growing child and prolongs a stage where physical attachment to their mother's body is needed for comfort when they should be learning skills which equip themselves to self soothe when their mother isn't there which is a valuable skill for independence.

I really think they're deluding themselves that any physical health benefits outweigh potential stymying of independence. Sure, children need secure and living attachments, but once those are in place your job is to start making them secure enough to do without you little by little until they're independent adults. And this seems to be the exact opposite.

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