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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my daughter being given an ugly nickname?

109 replies

mynotsoperfectlife · 27/05/2017 10:24

The (lovely) nursery staff have chopped my daughters name in half, resulting in a nickname that is a sound rather than a name.

I know they are using it affectionately and they really are lovely people but I just don't like the nickname and I don't really want it sticking.

Would it be unreasonable to ask them to call her by her name, and how can I do it nicely?

OP posts:
soimpressed · 27/05/2017 12:16

Ask them not to shorten her name - it's unprofessional of them.

Solo · 27/05/2017 12:17

Agreed emmyrose2000 it is presumptious and rude. If you don't introduce yourself/your child as a ahortened name, it should not be used.

Itsnotwhatitseems · 27/05/2017 12:19

This reply has been deleted

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Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 27/05/2017 12:19

If it's 'Lu' or 'Loo' for Lucinda, Lucy or whatever, then it may be the child themselves won't like it when a bit older, so I do think it's worth trying to stop it if you can.

Itsnotwhatitseems · 27/05/2017 12:21

sorry just read its Ju, was trying to think what sounds like a religion as a nickname!

Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 27/05/2017 12:22

Ok, 'Ju' is a bit of an odd shortening!

Ravenblack · 27/05/2017 12:23

I know a few (youngish) people who are called one and two syllable names, and they ALL get them lengthened now ... Luke get lengthened to - Lukey (vom) Adam gets lengthened to Addington, or Addy, and Abby - gets lengthened to Abby-moo (double-vom.) Jayne gets lengthened to Jaynie.

You can't win. Personally I would tell the nursery staff; nicely of course.

Ravenblack · 27/05/2017 12:27

I do agree it's obnoxious and rude to assume you can shorten someone's name. (When you barely know them!) I know a lovely lady called Alexandra, and if you call her Alex or AL, she won't respond. She is lovely, but VERY touchy about her name being shortened. She has every right to be pissed off too. (IMO.) I have a nice Christian name, but when it's shortened I am not a fan, as I don't much like the shortened version!

Ratatatouille · 27/05/2017 12:30

I'm leaning towards the opposite view to most other PPs. I just could not get worked up about this I'm afraid. I think you have to accept a certain loss of control when it comes to things like this once your DC is out in the world, and that usually starts with nursery. You won't be able to enforce this once her school friends decide to give her a nickname, or her teachers, or her boss or colleagues. I would honestly try and let it go because you will have to at some point anyway and it's one of those things that will just drive you crackers if you give it too much headspace.

When she is older, your DD will be able to decide for herself which nicknames (if any) she likes and to ask people to avoid the ones she hates. I have a name with a zillion different nicknames. My friends call me one, my family another, and my colleagues another still. There is one nickname that absolute sets my teeth on edge and I just ask people not to use it.

It seems a real shame to rock the boat over something and nothing when you are otherwise pleased with the nursery staff. I would imagine they will smile and do as you ask, but inwardly mark you down as a PITA.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 27/05/2017 12:30

The horse has obviously bolted now, but. Perhaps you should have considered whether you also liked the possible nns before you chose her name. Eg if you don't like nns Elizabeth or Margaret are about the worse names you could give your child.
What if when she's older. She wants have her name 'chopped in half'.

Original poster
mynotsoperfectlife · 27/05/2017 12:31

It's not really a nickname spider but just chopping the last two syllables off her name.

OP posts:
fannydaggerz · 27/05/2017 12:32

Ask them not to use nicknames.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 27/05/2017 12:32

My dd has quite a long name that I won't have shortened. Easier as she likes the long version also. But school are being rude deciding themselves what your dd's name should be. .
Correct every opportunity. .

HunterHearstHelmsley · 27/05/2017 12:35

My sister is Julia and I call her Ju.. (I know you say it's not Julia). Obviously now you can tell people not to but as she gets older it may be more difficult. It's significantly better than the hideous 'Jules'.

Fadingmemory · 27/05/2017 12:40

I have a short first name. Friends at school shortened it further resulting in an uncomplimentary animal name. The worst thing about it was not the nickname but the way my mother spoke about it - frequently and criticising me for "allowing" it. I was an insecure child and did not want anyone to be challenged over the nickname. Your DD sounds too young to worry too much herself. Just ask staff to use her full name - be lighthearted but firm.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 27/05/2017 12:44

I think I know what it is & if I'm right it's totally unacceptable, but even if I'm not it's still unacceptable.

Nursery needs to mostly (and always in WRITING) use the name parents have put as 'known as' even if it's a PITA lengthy name. They shouldn't be shortening a name even if it's common to do so (Benjamin to Ben) unless the parents agree.

Changing it to a 'non' name is totally unacceptable. Totally.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 27/05/2017 12:52

JustMade. At what age are you going to let your DD control this?

My parents hated my name being shortened & pulled my friends up about it every time they forgot when at my house (hardly surprising as they called me the shortened version day in, day out, at school).

It becomes very embarrassing to have your parents do this. We all just rolled our eyes & laughed about their attempt to control what we called each other.

It's a 2 syllable name, commonly shortened to the first syllable, but it's not a 'name' in its own right. Think Stacey > Stac (it's not).

cad186 · 27/05/2017 12:52

I had this with my daughter in nursery and I politely asked them to call her by her full name. They were fine about it. When she is in school if her friends call her a nickname or shorten it then there is nothing I can do and will accept that. But i think from a caregiver/teacher etc it is different and I would expect them to use a child's full name.

I have got a name that is easily shortened to another name. In work i send emails etc and introduce myself as my full name, an email will come back with the shortened version, it drives me mad, surely they can see that I call myself my full name! I dont want people to think that my name is the short version if you know what i mean. Oops went off on one there!!

littletwofeet · 27/05/2017 12:56

Where I live, this type of shortening is really common and done in an affectionate way, So Laura-lor, Emma-em, Helen-hel, Amy-aim, etc.
It's hard to control your DC nicknames. Lots of people I know haven't used a name they liked as they didn't like all of the nicknames/shortening.

I think Ju or Ju-Ju is relly sweet for a toddler.

Personally, I think it's lovely that the nursery feel they have this type of relationship with your DD, it indicates a lovely setting.

I would just leave it and if your DD dislikes it when she is older then she will start telling people.

creepysleepy · 27/05/2017 12:58

Is it Isobel? Calling her IS?

KavvLar · 27/05/2017 13:02

I've a friend that can't help but do this. So take a group called Matilda, Poppy, Lily, Alice and Emily, to her they automatically become 'Tills' 'Pops' 'Lils' 'Ally' and 'Ems'. Drives me nuts.

Original poster
mynotsoperfectlife · 27/05/2017 13:05

I've said what it is. :)

I'll just cheerily ask for them to call her by her full first name in future.

OP posts:
Westray · 27/05/2017 13:05

OP you have accept that at some point you will lose control over this.

While your DD is young yes you can insist that nursery staff that use her full name, but as she grows she may be called by a shortened version of her name, buy friends, by teachers, maybe even by your DD herself.

It won't be up to you any more and you will simply have to accept it.
If you carry on insisting you will come over as an overbearing and neurotic mother.

I don't say this to insult you, simply to point out how it is.

I chose names for my kids with half a mind as to what they would be likely shortened to. Which they have been.
My kids call themselves by their shortened nick name.
It will happen.
You need to let go.

Original poster
mynotsoperfectlife · 27/05/2017 13:05

Yes, I know that, but at not-quite-2, I do feel I can ask she is known as her name!

OP posts:
Topseyt · 27/05/2017 13:09

Annie, my parents corrected our friends too. If someone phoned and asked to speak to us using a shortened version of our names my Dad in particular would say "you mean you want to speak to " in a very disapproving voice before calling us and passing the phone on.

My name is short anyway so it didn't happen quite so much to me as it did to my sister. It was excruciatingly embarrassing, especially once we got to secondary school age. It is why I have never done it to my children.

Ironically, both of my parents have always been known by shortened versions of their own names. Never the long forms. We pointed out the double standards there on a number of occasions and still do. My mother accepts that and she was not too bad. My Dad can see it but only begrudgingly admits to it. Usually he just harrumphs, squirms a bit and mutters.