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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my daughter being given an ugly nickname?

109 replies

mynotsoperfectlife · 27/05/2017 10:24

The (lovely) nursery staff have chopped my daughters name in half, resulting in a nickname that is a sound rather than a name.

I know they are using it affectionately and they really are lovely people but I just don't like the nickname and I don't really want it sticking.

Would it be unreasonable to ask them to call her by her name, and how can I do it nicely?

OP posts:
BretonTop · 27/05/2017 10:57

Just grow a backbone and tell them firmly but politely "we would like everyone to use her full name. Thanks".

My Mum gave me a 10-letter 3-sylable name, and spent my whole childhood correcting people as she refused to have it shortened.

Mind you, when I turned 16 and got my first full-time job, all the staff decided to ask if they could shorten it to the first letter only and I was fine with it! Been known as that by most people ever since.

nakedscientist · 27/05/2017 10:58

My daughters name is Eibhleann (Irish) it has an accent on the E and is pronounced Avelynn. Her nursery called Her Avy and taught her to spell it like this too. We call her Eibh pronounced Ave so I don't mind the shortening but I did mind them unilaterally changing the spelling,
We asked them not to but they carried on. She's at secondary school now and is called Avy on everything because that was thename the primary school gave them and no one can be bothered with the ' weird' spelling.
We have long since given up saying anything, but my advice to you would be to ask them to get it right now or just accept that their change may well stick!
It is obviously up to the child to decide when they are old enough how to use their own name.
Good luck!

TheRealPooTroll · 27/05/2017 11:01

I'd ignore it tbh. If it's only used at nursery and not by family she won't get used to it over her real name. And if it really is an odd sounding shortening it is unlikely school staff will use it - they'll have her full name on forms. And if your child herself dislikes it she'll soon let people know.

TheRealPooTroll · 27/05/2017 11:04

Also if you dd is able to write the shortened version but not the longer one I see no harm in letting her think she can write her name. She's probably very proud of it. I'm thinking something like Lil as a much easier to write shortening for Liliana.

Geoid · 27/05/2017 11:04

It's not like they are cutting off any of her limbs.

Doubt it's harming her in any way, doubt it's harming you in any way.

WeAllHaveWings · 27/05/2017 11:05

They are doing it as a sign of affection, if you dd doesn't mind I'd leave it.

Original poster
mynotsoperfectlife · 27/05/2017 11:05

Sort of PooTroll but it's not a nice sounding word - that's why I don't really like it!

OP posts:
sleepingdragons · 27/05/2017 11:06

nakedscientist that's outrageous! I'd be fuming if the nursery changes my DC's names, effectively!

LaLegue · 27/05/2017 11:09

Is it a name that is commonly shortened? My son has friends who are brothers called Benedict and Samuel and everyone except their mother calls them Ben and Sam. Their mother is a friend of mine and I have never once heard her shorten their names.

But if it's a name that most people find a bit of a mouthful (Bartholemew or Evangelina for example) you have to expect and accept that it will eventually get shortened to Bart or Evie whether you like it or not.

The thing about nicknames is that they happen by osmosis and you can't stop it, unless it's your name and you refuse to respond to anything other than your full name. You can't control what other people call other people, not even when it's your own child. You can ask mhm not to do it at nursery, but if it's a very common shortening then it will just happen when she starts school.

All you can do is call her what you want to call her and hope that she chooses to call herself that when she's older.

Original poster
mynotsoperfectlife · 27/05/2017 11:11

Bart and Evie are names in their own right though, whereas this shortening isn't.

It's the same sound, though different spelling, of a religion. And it just doesn't sound nice!

OP posts:
EwanWhosearmy · 27/05/2017 11:12

It isn't up to the nursery to shorten your child's name. Tell them to stop, before it becomes a habit.

talkingtofrank · 27/05/2017 11:14

If you are getting worked up about this then her school years are going to be a very long time for you, get over it. It seems like you are trying to find fault with them.

WankStainWasher · 27/05/2017 11:17

Oh, so your daughter's name is Julia and the staff are calling her Ju? I see what you mean. I agree with previous posters - just say to the staff "Please don't call her "Ju". We want her to be known by her proper name, thanks."

Argeles · 27/05/2017 11:20

I hate it when people do that with names. I know someone named Lucy who was called 'Loo' by so many during her childhood & she still has problems with people calling her that now from time to time. I think it's lazy and disrespectful to do this unless the person initiates it themselves.

Original poster
mynotsoperfectlife · 27/05/2017 11:22

It's not Julia but yes. I can see it being an issue with Lucy or Lucia or Lucinda too.

OP posts:
DontOpenDeadInside · 27/05/2017 11:23

When I worked in a shop a customer would shorten our names, one lady named Ivy thought he couldn't shorten hers...til he called her I. Lol.
(Sorry no advice but made me remember that)

emmyrose2000 · 27/05/2017 11:34

Definitely tell the nursery not to shorten her name.

My children have names that can be legitimately shortened to other names. Think Thomas/Tom, David/Dave (not their real names).

To my knowledge, they've only had that happen once each, when they were babies, and I immediately corrected the people involved. It never happened again.

If it's being shortened to a 'sound', rather than a real name, that's even worse, and definitely needs to be nipped in the bud, pronto.

It's very rude of other people to decide that another person's name should be changed from what they (or their parents) use.

ispentitwithyou1 · 27/05/2017 11:43

I always find shortening a name is affectionate and also indicative of a "close relationship between the two people,which in the case of people looking after my daughter would please me. But then I've never been precious.

GreatFuckability · 27/05/2017 11:46

my daughters friends use a short version of her name that i'm not a fan of at all, but it is what it is. I'd just politely ask they use her full name.

GreatFuckability · 27/05/2017 11:48

My daughters name is Eibhleann (Irish) it has an accent on the E and is pronounced Avelynn. Her nursery called Her Avy and taught her to spell it like this too. We call her Eibh pronounced Ave so I don't mind the shortening but I did mind them unilaterally changing the spelling,
We asked them not to but they carried on. She's at secondary school now and is called Avy on everything because that was thename the primary school gave them and no one can be bothered with the ' weird' spelling

now THAT would drive me insane!

gleam · 27/05/2017 11:58

naked - will the school use her proper nsme for GCSEs?

TheExuberant1 · 27/05/2017 12:06

There used to be one nursery nurse who used to always call my daughter by various nicknames she'd made up, it started to annoy me because she would rather call her various other names other than her actual name. Which isn't a difficult name to pronounce! I know she was probably doing affectionally but in the end it just confused my dd so I asked the nursery to just call her by her name!

Solo · 27/05/2017 12:07

The nursery have no right to change, shorten or alter your childs name. Tell them how you want your Dc to be called or it will stick and it will drive you mad. Shortening a name is not a nickname imho, a nickname is 'peanut' or 'poppet'. My son calls my Dd Wibble or Wibbs; that's a nickname. Her actual name could be shortened to Will but I would not stand for it; she wasn't christened Will, she isn't registered as Will and I don't like her being called Will so I will put people straight if they tried to shorten or change her name. OP, just tell the staff, they might roll their eyes behind your back, but I'd rather that that they change my childs name to something unacceptable.

Solo · 27/05/2017 12:10

And it isn't precious, it's preference and I think we're allowed that with our children's names.

emmyrose2000 · 27/05/2017 12:11

I always find shortening a name is affectionate and also indicative of a "close relationship between the two people,which in the case of people looking after my daughter would please me. But then I've never been precious

It's not "precious" to want to be called by your own correct name (or want your child to be). It's not up to you or anyone else to decide that Jennifer should now be Jenny, or that Peter should be Pete. It's presumptuous and rude.

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