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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to ask if you know any housewives?

108 replies

PetalMettle · 27/05/2017 06:57

It used to be a thing didn't it, but I don't think I know anyone without kids who doesn't go out to work

OP posts:
treaclesoda · 27/05/2017 08:41

I know quite a few, but as a previous poster mentioned, they would be very religious families where a married woman wouldn't be allowed to work.

Bluntness100 · 27/05/2017 08:41

I know a few trailing spouses, and past that only one " housewife". In my experience it tends to be either women in their fifties now, or those with very wealthy husbands..

Parker231 · 27/05/2017 08:42

Everyone I know when back to work after having DC's. I probably could have gone back part time but worked hard for my career and wanted to continue with it. DT's have done well and are now both at Uni. I would have been bored at home all the time waiting for DH to get back from work.

LadyinCement · 27/05/2017 08:42

Every week we get a SAHM thread, usually implying that they are lazy/rich and generally an anachronism.

What do posters think about the women in some "immigrant" communities? I have yet to see a thread sneering at the women in traditional Islamic households staying at home.

heateallthebuns · 27/05/2017 08:47

No I don't know any without children. I'd say that's the case unless it's my parents generation who are in their 80s!!

AgainPlease · 27/05/2017 08:48

@LadyinCement it's not a SAHM thread. It's women WITHOUT children who don't work.

Original poster
PetalMettle · 27/05/2017 08:53

Wow @wizardoftoss your setup - animals, off grid etc sounds really interesting - as someone who's never lived off a tube/metro line and currently lives in a 1.5 bed flat it's just a totally different world - is class you as an estate manager!

OP posts:
WizardOfToss · 27/05/2017 09:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dumdedumdedum · 27/05/2017 09:08

I'm 61 and have been a full-time trailing spouse for the past 7 years, during which time our only child has left home for university. For years before that, my husband travelled a lot and I had no family around, living on mainland Europe as we did, so I became a SAHM by default, working on and off but not full-time, as we were lucky enough not to need me to work and interesting part-time jobs were hard to come by. I definitely wish I'd not given up my career, to be honest, but am really glad that I don't have to go to a part-time job I hate daily.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 27/05/2017 09:13

I know one. She trained as an accountant speaks 3 languages fluently and has not worked since she married in her late 20s, no children and no intention of having children.

MrsWhirly · 27/05/2017 09:16

Loads - in fact out of my 'close circle' of friends and cousins, only I and another girl are NOT housewives. This is mainly due to wealthy parents or husbands - I am insanely jealous. I work full time in the city, although I am massively proud of my career success

Falconhoof1 · 27/05/2017 09:30

Not personally but my mum has a friend, much younger than her (about 40) who has no kids and hasn't worked since getting married. She does occasional charity work but that's it.

katiegg · 27/05/2017 09:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluntness100 · 27/05/2017 09:43

I know a couple of women in their fifties who took early retirement, but I don't classify them as housewives just as I don't classify men who have retired as house husbands.

House wives used to be a real thing fifty years ago, women were often forced to give up work when they married. For example local councils made women stop work if they married. I can't even imagine it now, we really have come a long way.

There is still a small pocket of women who don't work through choice, and don't have kids, but they really are in the minority now. Only ten percent of women are economically inactive according to the government stats, so that's stay at home mums and house wives. The overwhelming majority of women work or are looking for work.

TheCakeScoffer · 27/05/2017 09:49

Suppose I am one. I got married and had my first child aged 19. Stayed at home, mainly because there was a lack of childcare and I was not qualified to do anything. I then had 2 more children in my early 20s. When the youngest started school, I did go to college for a 2 year fulltime course to train as a medical secretary. I worked part time, then full time for a while, but now have ill health so at the age of 44 I left. (I did ask for part time again but they refused) I have been at home now for the last 3 years. I try to keep on top of the housework so that DH has nothing to do at weekends, he works long hours in a stressful job. Children are all grown up now. I think if I wasnt ill, I would be working part time though. it is pretty isolating being at home all the time but I cant see anything changing much so will be at home for the rest of my days now.

MuncheysMummy · 27/05/2017 09:51

My mum! I'm 32 and my Db is 27 mum hasn't worked since having me Smile m DS is 11 months and I've just gone back to working 2 days a week

Seav · 27/05/2017 10:01

I know a few - two have high earning/wealthy husbands and it was fertility issues rather than choice as to why they don't have children. Another one is a trailing spouse. They seem to have very happy lives as a couples - lots of friends and are both excellent at, and enjoy, maintaining a nice home, great family relationships and social life for them both.

Other than that...

MIL is over retirement age now but was a SAHM until her children were late teens and then took a part-time job. That only lasted a couple of years though as she didn't like it - so she became a housewife in her mid forties. They're careful comfortable but far from rich and there have been financial implications - their children were expected to pay for/contribute to things that they should've taken care of themselves really as a result (both left home by 19 and this was after that). They're is a definite air of this being expected as a pay back for bringing them up...and accepted until the adult children had children themselves... There are bigger issues there though!

My nan gave up her job on marriage and never went back - think it was normal for her generation though (born 1907). She resented it!

DH is older than me and I may give up work well before retirement age (67 for me), when he does. He may retire at 55 so I will be early fifties. I will view that as early retirement rather than being a housewife though probably. Actually can't see me not working at all until 60 though - we'll see!

nokidshere · 27/05/2017 10:04

These threads always turn out to be disparaging to women who don't work.

Who cares? If a family are happy with their set up why does it make any difference to anyone else?

Not all women - or men - want a career. We don't all have to be high flyers. There are only two instances where this discussion is valid a) if we expect the state to foot the bill and b) if one partner is unhappy with the situation.

As for those who say "I wouldn't know what to do all day" that shows a distinct lack of imagination imo

Original poster
PetalMettle · 27/05/2017 10:14

Gpwm nkh
Other than financial I don't find my work so exciting/valuable that i would do it if I didn't have to. I'm never bored when I have choices about what to do (e.g. I get bored in meetings!)

OP posts:
Peanutbuttercheese · 27/05/2017 10:16

I took early retirement due to ill health in my forties, DS will leave home in couple of years so I guess I will sort of be one then.

I have a decent pension and an income from my own investments. I would have worked till 55 or 60 and taken early retirement then so it was all a bit too early.

My Mother was widowed aged 49 she had a really decent job thank goodness. I personally encourage all people to have the capacity to be a viable single economic unit.

I worked many years ago with a woman who had worked for British Airways and had to stop working when she married as it was in her contract, that would have been in the 1960's.

nokidshere · 27/05/2017 10:17

Gpwm?

That's one I haven't come across before Grin

waitforitfdear · 27/05/2017 10:18

I don't work and youngest child is 18, havnt worked properly since she was born. Help take care of my grandkids though and my elderly parents so very busy. Love it. Hated working and loved being around for the kids anyway.

VintagePerfumista · 27/05/2017 10:19

Actually, for the very few threads disparaging women who don't work, there are always a zillion giving out the "why would you have children and then leave them in a baby zoo" Hmm sort of comment.

In any case, as the OP has clarified, this isn't about SAHMs but about housewives.

I know lots, because I'm in the south of Italy. There is still very much the tendency if you don't go on to higher education that you will finish school, potter around for a few years maybe working in a supermarket or working part time in an office, but then upon marriage you will become a housewife. Then of course, that mutates into being a SAHM.

JaceLancs · 27/05/2017 10:23

I would say about half of my friend and acquaintances don't work
Some did and have been able to retire around 50, some have grown up children but have no need to work financially, others have health issues including mental health
Of the half that do work the vast majority work part time
I'm one of the very few that do work full time (no choice as single with big mortgage - also brought up DC as single parent from age 4/5)
I think it depends on where you live and your age group

AgainPlease · 27/05/2017 10:29

Not necessarily @JaceLancs I stopped working in my mid-20s when I married an older man. I didn't have to work, so I don't!