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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Go to fucking sleep you little shit!

98 replies

Killdora · 26/05/2017 21:08

Tell me I'm not the only one who mentally chants this to themesleves sometimes.

Dd is four and has autism. I know it's not her fault and I know it her sensory difficulties etc. but she's only ever slept the grand total of four hours a night.

In bits, not one go.

Me and Dh have had to take shifts for the last three years. The consultant has already tried her on melanin etc, but it didn't work.

I know I didn't need to go into that level of detail but wanted to explain my situation because I feel terribly guilty.

I've never openly lost my temper with dd, and would never say some of the stuff I scream in my head but it can be so vicious it makes me feel like the worst Mum in the world.

Tonight I'm hot, tired. Dd is on her fifty billionth rendition of 'Too cold Mum. Too hot Mum.' and I am calling her all the names under the sun internally.

I just want to go downstairs for once, with Dh Sad (his shift starts at 11)

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 26/05/2017 21:28

Nope. Not a bit of arse handing. Sleep problems are the very bloody worst. Just a Flowers

C8H10N4O2 · 26/05/2017 21:30

It is probably some sort of miracle that my firstborn's first words were not "for feck's sake go to fecking sleep" or a variation on that theme.

Original poster
Killdora · 26/05/2017 21:31

Oh the second she's gone off l be stuffing some chocolate in.

I've got some green and blacks ginger that been calling me for half an hour now.

That bad boy is all going to be gone in seconds. Grin

She is in our room, she didn't sleep at all, very much literally, in her own room, and I can't leave her while she's awake because of self-harm.

Me and Dh do have a signal to 'tap out' if it gets too much but I try to save that for emergencies. (Neither of us wants to be called back up straight after we've escaped Grin)

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheets · 26/05/2017 21:32

bit near the knuckle for some but makes me laugh

Original poster
Killdora · 26/05/2017 21:34

After what's been going on in my head nothing is too near the knuckle. Smile

OP posts:
Msqueen33 · 26/05/2017 21:34

Hugs. My dd also four has asd. As does her seven year old sister. Her older sister thankfully stays in her room. The two with asd are horrific sleepers. I have to sit with the youngest and then sort my other two when she's asleep or when my husband gets home. We've been out all day and my youngest woke up at 1am and didn't go back to sleep. She finally went to sleep at 9pm this evening having not slept in the day!!! I'm shattered.

ohtheholidays · 26/05/2017 21:34

We have the same going on in our house,DD9 is autistic and still has whole weeks where she sleeps like a newborn,I really feel for you,I know how hard it is.

I don't know if this is something you've tried but white noise works wonders for some children that are autistic and struggle with sleeping.You can buy CD's with white noise on for a couple of £'s on ebay, or something that helps our DD sometimes is having a fan on in the room(even if it's not hot)the sound can help send her to sleep.

Another thing that a couple of my friends(they also have a child that is autistic)have found that's helped was the weighted sensory blankets that you can buy.

I hope you find something that works,crap sleep that feels endless really does feel like torture. Flowers

Original poster
Killdora · 26/05/2017 21:35

Well it just goes to show you are never the only one doesn't it Flowers to everyone struggling.

OP posts:
Original poster
Killdora · 26/05/2017 21:36

Unfortunately dd didn't like the white noise or weighted blankets Sad

I was gutted because I know they are like a miracle for some children!

OP posts:
VoidoidDash · 26/05/2017 21:36

In same boat op. Only twins plus singleton all with asd + along list more. They do sleep more than 4 hrs, but not much & between 3 of them....

Have they tried the time release melatonin? (Mine won't take it) or our pead offered hay fever Meds on top of melatonin bit again mine won't take it.

Can't even begin to say how hard it is. Thankfully they have grown out of extreem violence but getting a nose job because of an 18 month old was not fun

Original poster
Killdora · 26/05/2017 21:37

Fuck. Me.

She's asleep! She's bloody asleep!!!!

Why don't they have those jumping in the air and tapping your heels emoticons! Grin

I'm taking advantage of this brief interlude to dive bomb the chocolate and pee! I'm freeeeeeeeee

OP posts:
IHaveACrapCat · 26/05/2017 21:39

I totally get you on the wanting to run away at night time bit. It's knowing what's to come whe you really need to be winding down yourself after a long day and getting some sleep Flowers

I just do not know where on earth they get their energy from.

If anyone could read my mind id probably be locked up. I can't imagine any other parent is different tbh! This shit is hard sometimes!!

Hope you smash that green and blacks OP

CaramelEmporium · 26/05/2017 21:39

With you too. My DD is three. I did just snap at her (not proud) and she said 'please don't shout at me mummy'. Big guilt. Then she went inform the killer with 'can we still be best friends mummy?' God knows I love her but bedtime is horrific,every bloody night.

IHaveACrapCat · 26/05/2017 21:39

Hurrah! 😁

VinIsGroot · 26/05/2017 21:39

Chloral hydrate is your friend. You'll need to beg .. gets us through to about 2:30 am.. autism sucks loads xxx

Vonklump · 26/05/2017 21:41

So it's not just me then.
At 4am my lullabies have decidedly non PG lyrics.
A very sweet tune, but the words fail the watershed. I sing them in my head once they can understand words.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 26/05/2017 21:41

Oh gosh you aren't a bad mum or anything of the sort! We can go longer without FOOD than we can without sleep - it's that basic of a need - so it's completely natural that you get frustrated.

That you've done three years of this shows that you're an amazing mum.

It helps me to remind myself that things will change, even if it might not be immediately. "Go to fucking sleep... it won't be like this forever... go to fucking sleep... it won't be like this forever."

Anatidae · 26/05/2017 21:44

Ds didn't sleep more than 30 mins in a row until he was 18m. No issues we are aware of. Saw every consultant/paed in the book. No answers. No relief. It was shit.

I honestly felt suicidal sometimes. Sleep deprivation is incredibly cruel. It's used as torture for good reason. In the last couple of months he's started sleeping but I feel broken, mentally and physically. I feel like my ability to think is gone for good. I would listen to fellow mums sayvthey were tired because little Oliver woke once last night and just want to throttle them. I don't think people truly understand what it's like unless they've had an extreme non sleeper.

Have a huge, very inmumsnetty hug from me. Rant away - it's totally normal to do so. I spent long hours being calm in the outside and screaming inside 'go the fuck to sleep!!!" We slept in shifts. We barely saw each other. Just do whatever you need to get through - gin, chocolate, pitiful wailing at irrational things. Anything.

It's so, so hard. You're doing amazingly well to be upright, sane and with an intact sense of humour. 💐 You're a hero. This is what heroism is - not big acts, but the constant love and patience you give your kid night after night when you're too tired to even breathe.

ISaySteadyOn · 26/05/2017 21:49

And this effing heatwave doesn't help, does it, OP?

HurricaneHalle · 26/05/2017 21:53

Mine are fine once they are asleep. It's getting them to sleep that is the issue. It can take three hours or more and that's not even including baths/showers. I want to scratch my own eyes out most nights. I value my evenings and when I am robbed of them I get very antsy. Tonight they've only just dropped off and it's nearly 10pm. I want to weep.

You are not alone. Parenting can really suck balls at times.

Queenofthestress · 26/05/2017 21:58

I ended up having to resign I was getting so little sleep from a suspected asd three year old, it is brutal so rant away! Mine now atleast will play in his room, I posted a pic of it on one of my mum's groups on fb and they were amazed at the amount of childlocks on his units lol

snowsuit · 26/05/2017 22:01

if you only say it in your head you're doing way better than me, i mutter it (although my DTs are very young so thankfully don't understand). sleep deprivation is the utter worst. be kind to yourself Flowers

youarenotkiddingme · 26/05/2017 22:01

My GP told me there's a reason they use sleep deprivation as a form of torture Grin

Caffeinatedbrewofjoy · 26/05/2017 22:02

Lying in the cot bed next to my sleep hating 2 year old DS. He's never slept well. It's bloody awful- you have my sympathies OP! I also think 'go the fuck to sleep' on a regular basis - especially on the nights where we see every goddamned hour....

choochooo · 26/05/2017 22:03

I had a song I used to sing under my breath, whilst rocking my non sleeping DS:

"Go the fuck to sleep DS,
Go the fuck to sleep.
Go the fuck to sleep DS,
Go the fuck to sleep"

My mum overheard this one night and cracked up laughing. She said she used to feel like doing the same to me when I was a baby.