To not want to have sex at 5.55 am?!!

[bruffian]

It's too fcking early and I'm tired.

Dh is now downstairs sulking.

What makes you feel not good enough? I usually wake up at 5:45 so id be OK with this; however, I don't have all the responsibilities that you have..

Be kind to yourself and each other. Tell him you don't appreciate the sulking but still want him. Could you try and regularly organise someone to take the kids overnight?

AnnieAnoniMouse

I wouldn't mind some of what you're taking!

But sex is such a minefield. A mismatched libido can cause so many problems.

What a wanker

Well if he wasn't before, he will be now

He's younger than me which might not help. I am going through menopause so everything's all over the place. It would be nice if he was a bit kinder.

I prefer sex at 5am, even more so this time of year when it's cooler at that time. But he's being a child for sulking.

DW and I believe our DS was conceived at 6.30 in the morning!

bruffian

It's not a nice situation to be in. You don't fancy sex, he sulks, you feel you can't say anything because he does do practical stuff.

You're menopausal, which brings it's own problems, but at the same time he is younger than you, so you don't want to keep pointing that out.

It sounds like there are a few things bubbling under the surface which are making you feel insecure.

Which then makes it quite difficult to talk, because that can make you feel even more vulnerable.

But this will just keep milling around under the surface unless you do talk. But wait until you are both in the right frame of mind.

You need to feel confident and he needs to not be on the defensive.

If you can pick a time like that, you stand a better chance of both being open, without it degenerating into a row.

If you can go in with the idea of a resolution, being supportive, etc, the conversation stands a better chance of success.

Although it always pisses me off that it's the women who ruminate on this, not the men.

If you'd woke up to him kissing your stomach or stroking you this might be a different story and I'd be telling him that. Not to be woke up and asked.

He woke you up? How has being woke up at 5.55am EVER been classed as a turn on?

My rule is "you've got 2 hand go deal with it yourself, I'm sleeping" my ex used to wake me up for sex I hate it, I'm so not a morning person!

Being woken up at that time is an automatic "go away" from me.

I do think that when you reject someone you should be aware you have done it though. It doesn't mean you have to humour him in his sulk, just if it happens a lot - because it makes people unhappy eventually.

I fucking hate mornings. Morning people piss me off. Luckily, DH is the same. Anyone who wakes me at 5.55am would be getting short shrift from me, not sex.

Rather than tell him to piss off, have a chat about what you want?

You're entitled to not want sex at any time of night or day . It's your body. Your dh is a man child.

Depends whether this is a one off or a string in a long line of rejections that's left Your DH feel rejected and undesirable. If it's a one off he's a wanker I feel it's an ongoing problem I feel for him! (Know this will be unpopular)

Have you discussed how the menopause is affecting you?
You read threads on here where people feel rejected, as their partners no longer want sex & he may be thinking that.
Is there a big age gap here?

Lose some of the animals. Being tired because you have children is one thing, being tired because you have pets is totally avoidable.

The thing is it doesn't matter if some people like early morning sex or if they dint mind being woken up for that.
The issue is that the OP doesn't and that her DH should know that and take it into account.

So here is a man who knows his partner is tired, knows she values her sleep and needs it. He knows that she doesn't like to be woken up butbstill goes ahead expecting her to be happy about it or rather to put up with it because? he is a man? He has neeeeds? He will make her life a pain by sulking?

Re cleaning the kitchen and taking the dcs to school.
You do realise that it's normal for him to do that, don't you?
And that, if you feel him doing it somehow says you're not good enough means he is doing f** all usually and that you see that as 'your' job even though yu are also working, just like him.
Leave do it. If it was me, I'd actually make a comment saying how good it is when he finally pitches in and it would be nice if he could do it all the time.....

Thank you datun. That's a really useful and kind post.

I think he does feel rejected. I haven't been in the mood for a while. I've put on a stone and feel really unattractive. I am doing my best to lose it, 4lbs down so far and I've been going to an exercise class once a week which I really love and has cheered me up a bit. Basically I am trying to do everything I can to get through the menopause without having a breakdown or killing someone I wish he was more romantic generally, he's a grumpy sod most of the time. I think I used to be far more confident and didn't need much emotional support, but I'm struggling now and he can't step up.

I have told him exactly what I've written in this post in the past. He just said absolutely nothing.

Chippingin Haha, that's funny! Personally I'd hate it. I like my sleep too much, there's plenty of other hours in the day for me. I prefer to do it when the kids are out of the house otherwise I've constantly got one ear open for them coming in.

Chippingin Haha, that's funny! Personally I'd hate it. I like my sleep too much, there's plenty of other hours in the day for me. I prefer to do it when the kids are out of the house otherwise I've constantly got one ear open for them coming in.

So he's grumpy and his idea of foreplay is "so you wanna do it?".

I'm sure all the posters here who claim to be the sort of person "who likes sex" which is so incredibly unique btw would be feeling massively turned on.

Sounds to me like he's the reason your sex life is shit. That would make me feel as turned on as a cervical exam.

Yanbu. I literally cannot think of anything worse.

Do you early morning sexers get up and clean your teeth first? If not then ewwww.

bibbitybobbity 😂😂 Eewww!

Some people don't feel loved and in the mood for sex without romance, and others don't feel loved and in the mood for romance without sex. It leads to a bit of a Catch 22.
If talking about it isn't working then maybe relationship counselling? To get help communicating about it better?

Back to your OP - certainly not unreasonable not to want sex when he's woken you up early to ask like that. The one time DH tried that I said I was up for a shag if he brought me a cup of tea first. After drinking the tea I changed my mind. Funnily enough he waits for me to wake up naturally now.