To be annoyed at the school for teaching my 5 yo about Manchester tragedy?

[Moomoomango]

My 5yo is in year reception at school. He came out of school today repeatedly asking "what happened about that man that made bad choices?" For 10-15 minutes I had no idea what he was talking about until he said he killed lots of people and hurt lots of people.

Then I clicked. He then told me they had to sit very quietly for a minute and think about it because of respect.

Now, I personally have been shaken to the core like many, worried at night and me and dp agreed there is no point in talking to our 5yo about it because it doesn't directly affect him, and would only upset him.

I know the school would have said it in very simple terms but aibu to think my 5yo should not be told about it at school and it should be the parents choice.

Also he's 5... my god he has years of fear ahead of him, I want to keep his world innocent, pure for as long as I can. I cannot imagine what being told about a horrible man who killed people would have made me feel like at 5.

We live no where near Manchester and he has no older siblings or friends that would tell him about it.

He could have lived in blissful ignorance of being 5.

Now he's scared and keeps asking details.

Aibu to think this shouldn't have been in our education system? Aibu to think they should have at least told us they were going to talk to the kids about it?

I think he would have heard it from one of the older children anyway, so I think the teachers did the right thing in explaining it in a way that even the younger children could understand.

Many teachers had to explain to their students why Adam Lanza did what he did in the US in 2012. My nephew was six years old at the time. We can't shield children from every bad thing that happens, but we can help them to feel safe and answer their questions so that they have the correct information.

I think YANBU. 5 is still very young. Them knowing about what happened in Manchester can't change things or bring anyone back so why traumatise them and make them feel worried and anxious?

Them knowing about what happened in Manchester can't change things or bring anyone back so why traumatise them and make them feel worried and anxious 5 year olds have older siblings. 5 year olds go to school with 11 year olds. 5 year olds will hear about it anyway. I would say there is less chance of them being traumatised by school explaining things than they would be hearing it from the older kids

A relative of mine is a deputy head of a primary school and has had to

field complaints from parents about this sort of topic, most recently following the Westminster attack. She said most of the teachers now are worried about upsetting parents, so are trying to avoid talking about Manchester as much as possible, which I think is probably worse.

Unfortunately we can't shield them forever and playgrounds are rife with "inappropriate" discussions.

I was 6 when 9/11 happened ... we had a minutes silence and the experience didn't scar me or take my innocence

mine heard from other children
we can longer control the information they get from other people when they are physically away from us. it's lucky the teachers told them and not another child.

Yabu. The school is dealing with it. Better than playground gossip.

OP, on here you will be told you're wrong by a lot of people but I am with you.

5 is too young to process this.

It annoys me when other parents decide to be ever so hip and tell their tiny child about the horrors of terrorism so that child then terrifies MY child with their poor understanding and mixed messages.

I think there's an appropriate age...it's about 8 or 9. Not 5!

op mine is 6 and looked anxious and bewildered when i told her after she heard from other children. i wasn't going to tell her but we just can't control what other children will say in the playground.
it would have been far better if they were told by a teacher who will use sensitive snd careful language than graphic, scaremongering bits of info by another child.

Shielding children from the world around them is IMO irresponsible parenting. Because if you teach them that we don't talk about this stuff they will learn that they can't talk about it to you and are far more likely to bottle up their anxieties and not express them outwardly, and instead jump to conclusions of their own which at at a young age are likely to be somewhat removed from the reality of what is actually going on/has happened.

Also, to those "oh my poor innocent pfb is so much more precious than the other children and shouldn't have to deal with the real world," types how do you think that children in the real world who have to live this stuff as their day-to-day reality manage? You know, in countries like Iraq where suicide bombings are a daily occurrence and where we in the west had a hand in the state that the country is in? For some children that is their reality. So instead of bitching about the fact your child might hear about things happening in the real world, how about you thank your lucky stars that your pfb lives in a country where all they have to do is hear about it rather than that it be a daily part of their lives.

Get a bloody grip.

I was at a London Primary School during a good part of WW2.

A few weeks ago I was walking down by the harbour side at Exeter. A group of kids with their teachers were recreating being evacuated, each with their little suitcases and sitting down on the ground to have a picnic. I spoke with one of the staff and jokingly said 'there wouldn't have been crisps in my day.' That led to some kids asking me questions including one, 'were you scared?' I've no memory of that, even though I can remember standing in our back garden and watching the dog fights going on overhead. Walking down town past bomb out buildings etc.

I'm no fan of the 'good old days', they didn't exist, no doubt parents were a good deal harder on us kids and probably would've have dismissed any 'worries' we expressed. Nothing we can do, just get on with it.

As someone said up thread about the IRA, we didn't have 24/7 rolling news then and of course no television. The downside of modern life is kids gain so much knowledge so much earlier in life. We can't shield them.

Neither does my 5 year old.

I fully expected the school to talk to my kids and so I got in there first. I don't expect my children to live in a bubble but assume everything will be discussed with appropriate language and consideration. A five year old will have a very shallow understanding. However I think you need to feed back to the school that she found it scarey and could have done with reassurance.

YABU.

I'm glad the schools have been doing the minutes silence (we even did the minute in baby group yesterday!). They don't need to know all the horrific details but since they go to school where presumably some of the other children do know (from parents or TV) so it was going to spread. Far far better to tackle in a respectful way.

Better to hear it from teachers (calm and appropriate) than playground gossip. Newsround is always good at this stuff too.

And as missing already mentioned it might be wise to let your ds know about the armed police.

To those saying older is better-kids talk don't they. My 10yo wants to talk in front of his much younger siblings about events. They talk in the playground.

It's so distressing and I understand your annoyance but in this instance I think school is right.

X post meglet.

about protecting child's innocence. In many parts of the world parents don't have that luxury. Children are resilient. They're also our future. When they're taught about these realities in age appropriate ways I think humanity has a better chance of evolving faster.

When talking to my children about atrocities I like to point out Stephen Pinkers research about murder and that the fossil record shows we are becoming more peaceable as a species over time.

It annoys me when other parents decide to be ever so hip and tell their tiny child about the horrors of terrorism so that child then terrifies MY child with their poor understanding and mixed messages.
Yes. Because people who choose to explain events to children (that are everywhere) in an age appropriate way is done to be hip.
I can see the thought process now 'I could do all sorts but that's not cool enough. I know I'll talk about terrorism so I can win parent of thr year'

Your sense of superiority comes through here. Very much 'I'm better than other people because I protect the innocence of children'.

How would you propose a school responding if a student had died in that attack? Just say "Sarah has died' and then move on, give no explanation, no questions etc? Pretend she's just gone away for a bit so the children don't know death happens?

The kids who were there lost their innocence.
The kids who lost friends lost their innocence.

Kids who've heard about it in an age appropriate way have certainly not.

Much as I'd like to agree with you op - my ds suffered years of anxierty after Madeleine McCanns disappearance - unfortunately I think they do need to be told. There is no way of shielding them in this day and age. News is so much more graphic and accessible than it was years ago and children are so much more aware of adult issues nowadays.

It's better than hearing stories about body parts being strewn around and it being their turn next, which is likely to be going around the playground in a school with kids up to age 11. Don't forget many of the 5 year olds will have older siblings who will be talking.

It was spoken about in DDs class (DD is 7 year 2 ) as some children were asking about it. The teacher informed parents by email that a discussion had taken place. Personally I wasn't going to tell DD about it but I don't mind that she was told like this, by her teacher.
I think 5 is very young to be faced with this. But it sounds like it was done appropriately.

YABVU

There will have been gossip all over the playground. Your ds could have heard from another source. I told my dd (8) in a factual way that a bomb exploded in Manchester at a concert so we wouldn't be going to an upcoming concert. She had a few questions about if the person with the bomb was alive and about blood. Then she said she would have run away faster to avoid the bomb, which I told her wouldn't have been possible. Obviously she's older. I remained very calm and the conversation caused no drama or trauma. The school will have spoken in the same sensitive way.

Interesting discussion, I also talked about it with my Dd, age 8, before she went to school on Tuesday. She'd already heard the news that Dh had on the radio but wasn't that bothered as it seemed a long way away. They did talk about it at her school, using a similar tack to me. That this was one man, and what he did had horrible effects, including people dying, but he was just one man. And there were lots of good people who rushed to help. We need to remember we live in a world of mainly good people, and try to be one of those people ourselves.

Looking at the balance of this discussion, if we represented the parents of children in a class of 30, about 27 of us would have no problem with the teacher discussing it, the rest would have concerns. It's not as simple as majority wins in something this sensitive but it does show, in part, why schools choose to have these discussions - most parents seem happy with it. I'm sure if most parents were not happy schools wouldn't do it.