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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at the school for teaching my 5 yo about Manchester tragedy?

99 replies

Moomoomango · 25/05/2017 19:17

My 5yo is in year reception at school. He came out of school today repeatedly asking "what happened about that man that made bad choices?" For 10-15 minutes I had no idea what he was talking about until he said he killed lots of people and hurt lots of people.

Then I clicked. He then told me they had to sit very quietly for a minute and think about it because of respect.

Now, I personally have been shaken to the core like many, worried at night and me and dp agreed there is no point in talking to our 5yo about it because it doesn't directly affect him, and would only upset him.

I know the school would have said it in very simple terms but aibu to think my 5yo should not be told about it at school and it should be the parents choice.

Also he's 5... my god he has years of fear ahead of him, I want to keep his world innocent, pure for as long as I can. I cannot imagine what being told about a horrible man who killed people would have made me feel like at 5.

We live no where near Manchester and he has no older siblings or friends that would tell him about it.

He could have lived in blissful ignorance of being 5.

Now he's scared and keeps asking details.

Aibu to think this shouldn't have been in our education system? Aibu to think they should have at least told us they were going to talk to the kids about it?

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 25/05/2017 20:05

YABU

You chose to abdicate the responsibility to the school, if you'd have talked to him first he may have been less upset.

You can't keep 5 year olds in a bubble, they talk to each other and some have older siblings.

Eccle80 · 25/05/2017 20:06

I don't think the school were wrong, children pick up on things. My 5 year old heard what had happened from a girl in his class on Tuesday, when my eldest was 5 I had him asking questions about the Malaysian airlines plane shot down in Ukrainr after he turned on the tv and the news came on. It's right for the school to address things like this in an age appropriate way to avoid children hearing distorted versions from others

Scoobydoobydont · 25/05/2017 20:07

We made very sure we discussed it with the kids on Tuesday before they left in the morning because it's impossible to filter what they will hear from other kids, hear on the radio etc.

I don't think it does kids any favours to let them get too old before you suddenly chuck the realities of life at them.

NoCapes · 25/05/2017 20:07

YABVU

JamieXeed74 · 25/05/2017 20:12

YABVU
Schools have to teach children about this stuff because some parents refuse to. Even worse some parents possibly teach them it was a good thing.

TinselTwins · 25/05/2017 20:13

He could have lived in blissful ignorance of being 5

Bollocks!

He'ld hear chinese whispers versions of events in the playground!

Teachers had to get in there to keep the playground versions from getting out of control because of parents like YOU! If there were less parents like you they wouldn't have to, but clearly, they do! so thanks for that! (not)

roundaboutthetown · 25/05/2017 20:30

YABU - school would have had a minute's silence at 11am. You should not expect them to lie about why. Yes, they should have told the children in an age appropriate way, and it sounds like they did. Your ds is 5, not 2 - there is no way in a class of 30 children and, presumably in a school with older children, he would have remained totally unaware, anyway, so you let him down by telling him nothing whatsoever yourself.

BaggyCheeks · 25/05/2017 20:35

YABU.

The school have told him a child appropriate version of events, rather than a garbled version from older kids in the playground with arms and legs added. What would you have done if it had been 9/11? By the time my school got round to talking to us about it, the damage had already been done in the playground about how Al Qaeda were coming for us next.

Pigflewpast · 25/05/2017 20:36

I'm annoyed our school didn't do the silence. We are not in Manchester, yet 3 of those who died lived, completely separately, within 10 miles of here. One was probably known by some of the children. Yet our school haven't talked about it at all.
My year 5 DS knows about it because he walked in on me crying at the TV on Tuesday morning. I've told him as well as I could but he's also heard various gory tales in the playground. I'd expect all the school years have heard them.

Missingthepoint · 25/05/2017 20:42

You may not live near Manchester but there will be armed police and troops on the streets for the next few days around the country. How can you be sure your ds will not see them and start to ask questions. I was about 7 in 1972 at start of IRA bombings. I remember my mum having her bag searched when we went to town. It was probably explained to me in a simple way and I do not remember being scared. Overhearing older children in the school playground talking about it was much more confusing. Thankfully my older sister answered my questions. The key to all this is being age appropriate. It sounds like that is what your child's school did .

Witchend · 25/05/2017 20:44

I can tell you with experience of year R with 3 dc that it would have got round the playground, and possibly much more scary for a 5yo than the teacher telling them.

I was year R when the Yorkshire Ripper was big news and I remember being scared by others telling me. Unfortunately for me I heard it as "Orchard" and thought for years there was a scary man living in an orchard-I passed two every day on the way to school in our village. Gave me nightmares for years and I never expressed why, so it was unresolved.

Ds (9yo) has just come out of drama. The teacher came out and explained that there had been the children talking about Manchester. I asked ds, and he said the teacher was playing a game and said they had to pretend they were hiding and be really quiet and one lad piped up with "we can pretend we're hiding from the Manchester bomber and we might be killed if we make a noise".

Children work these things out often by playing. It's not uncommon for them to introduce what we think as dreadful things into play. It's a way they learn to understand and rationalise their fears. What would have been much worse is if the teacher had ignored it, and then a unknowing child could start wondering who this person is and whether they should be scared-or like me hear it wrong and be scared of something totally unconnected for years.

If there has been something that is big news, I always tell my dc before they go to school. They can ask questions and then if they are told worse things at school they know they have the truth from me. I have to be careful with dd2 as she suffers from anxiety, and little things can send her into panic, but I can tell them in a way that's appropriate for them and that is so much better than being faced with it suddenly at school.

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 25/05/2017 20:47

I was 6 when 9/11 happened. I'm glad we were told about it, rather than people trying to shield us from it.

CountryCaterpillar · 25/05/2017 20:52

My 5 year old doesn't know anything, I've had a chat with the 8 year old and watched the cbbc clips with her.

Both the infant and junior schools decided not to do the silence and sent a text home to say so. I kind of think the junior school should but actually glad the infants didn't!

Junior school went further - they normally show newsround first thing in the morning and decided not to for the rest of this week....

harderandharder2breathe · 25/05/2017 20:56

The only children who have lost their innocence over this are those who were at the concert or who have had loved ones injured or killed.

Oblomov17 · 25/05/2017 21:01

YABU. You should have told him yourself, in age appropriate language.

NorthernLurker · 25/05/2017 21:02

I've no time for parents who try to hide from the realities of our lives under the pretence that the children are 'too young'. Tell your children the truth, let them see how you feel. That's the way to raise involved citizens.

Sirzy · 25/05/2017 21:05

It's all well and good trying to hide things from children but at some point they are going to have to realise that the world isn't all rainbows and unicorns and there are bad people who do bad things.

Imo it is much better to gradually expose children to these things explaining them in an age appropriate way then them start hearing the chat on the playground but feeling they can't talk to anyone about it at home because it hasn't been an environment where things like that are spoken about.

BroomHandledMouser · 25/05/2017 21:33

YABU

My daughter is 5 and came home and said they'd spoken about it in a special assembly. I'm pleased that she was educated about what happened. It enabled us to talk about it more and I was able to answer her questions.

You can't hide this shit no matter how hard you sheild it. It's a huge deal what's happened and I'm pleased the school acknowledged that

edwinbear · 25/05/2017 21:52

YABU. DS (7) and DD (5) have been fully aware of these sorts of atrocities since they were very young. I made the decision to discuss it with them so if the situation ever arose where there was an incident at school, or after school clubs or similar they know what to do.

Run, hide and in the worst case scenario, play dead. I wish I didn't live in a world where I had to discuss this with my 5 yr old, but I'd rather have the conversation and give her half a chance if God forbid she should ever need it.

SassynSane · 25/05/2017 21:57

I've just msgd the Head at DDs school to thank them for the sensitive way they handled the silence today and for the videos they showed (mentioned in prev post up thread) because actually schools should be thanked for helping our DC deal with sometimes complex emotions around things like this!

londonmummy1966 · 25/05/2017 22:31

Better to learn from the school in a thought out age appropriate way then hear a garbled version second hand in the playground.

This - I'm afraid someone at school will mention it - so much better that it is a grown up. I still regret not having discussed the Maddie McCann incident with my dds and then having to deal with the fall out from the playground.

Aroundtheworldandback · 25/05/2017 22:38

I'm with you op. Yes you can hide this shit or at least try to. Older sure but 5? I'd take a chance on him hearing it from another child and if he did, reassure him and park the conversation till he's older. But the choice was taken out of your hand and I wouldn't be happy about it either l.

roundaboutthetown · 25/05/2017 22:50

Fat chance of keeping it from him if he's in a school - some children have been playing "suicide bombers" in school playgrounds. It's frankly idiotic to hope nobody mentions it.

smellyboot · 25/05/2017 22:57

I chose not to my DC Tues am as I knew the school would speak to all the children and offer a consistent age appropriate explanation.
Far better than loads of mixed stories and messaged confusing them. They were told the facts and moved on. We are in the NW so it's everywhere - adults talking, TV, radio etc so a proper conversation is better than children making stuff up

Empireoftheclouds · 25/05/2017 23:05

a school 10 minutes from where I live are having to deal with the fact one of their 8 year old students has died. That is children losing their innocence.

It doesn't get anymore real than this post here ^

Your child hasn't lost their innocence. Get a grip.

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