To be annoyed at the school for teaching my 5 yo about Manchester tragedy?

[Moomoomango]

My 5yo is in year reception at school. He came out of school today repeatedly asking "what happened about that man that made bad choices?" For 10-15 minutes I had no idea what he was talking about until he said he killed lots of people and hurt lots of people.

Then I clicked. He then told me they had to sit very quietly for a minute and think about it because of respect.

Now, I personally have been shaken to the core like many, worried at night and me and dp agreed there is no point in talking to our 5yo about it because it doesn't directly affect him, and would only upset him.

I know the school would have said it in very simple terms but aibu to think my 5yo should not be told about it at school and it should be the parents choice.

Also he's 5... my god he has years of fear ahead of him, I want to keep his world innocent, pure for as long as I can. I cannot imagine what being told about a horrible man who killed people would have made me feel like at 5.

We live no where near Manchester and he has no older siblings or friends that would tell him about it.

He could have lived in blissful ignorance of being 5.

Now he's scared and keeps asking details.

Aibu to think this shouldn't have been in our education system? Aibu to think they should have at least told us they were going to talk to the kids about it?

When is the right time to do it?

Is 6 or 7 a magic age? Children start school with 5, so whether we, as parents, want it or not they will be influenced by other people and their idea.

Also, chances are he will pick up snipers here and there, you cannot shield him from it all.

Sad, but YABU.

YABU to complain about a minute's silence for dead children because you wanted yours to remain innocent.

The newsround article above is very good. I agree they should have told you they were going to discuss it so you would at least be prepared for the questions.

YABU. The school seems like it has told the children in an age-appropriate way why it had a minute of silence. There is no way you could stop him hearing what happened, unless you keep him off school. The older children in the school will be talking about it with their own spin on things and that's not something that can be controlled.

Part of being a parent is to help our kids deal with bad news that will inevitably come their way. It's not a great part of the job trying to explain to a young child why somebody has done such a foul thing. I think being honest and saying you can't even understand it yourself completely, but trying to answer any questions he might have is the way to go.

I do have friends who very much take the view that they want to shield their children from bad things completely, and have flown off the handle at the school mentioning terrible events. I don't find that a terribly healthy way to deal with situations and times like these.

I was worried about this and spent a good while trying to think of the best way to explain it to dd (4).

I was a big miffed that she obviously didn't give a crap and just wanted to play paw patrol with her one year old brother.

I think back to when I was that age and some of the things that would scare/upset me now I wouldn't have aged an eyelid at then, because I had no personal experience of it.

My sympathies though if it has made your dc anxious, it's really difficult I think to explain things like this to very young children but I do think we should try.

I grew up knowing nothing about the IRA when I was infant school age - at the height of their terror campaign

On the other hand my parents would have said we were shielded, until someone asked my brother what he wanted to be when he grew up, he answered, "An IRA sniper".

YANBU. I have a 5yo and have told him nothing about it. He watches zero news and I would like to keep it that way for as long as possible. It's up to you whether you tell him about this tragedy, not the school. Yes he may here it from older kids but that's different. The school has actively taken your choice away. I'd be complaining!

I know what you mean and we all have that instinct to protect our DC from having to comprehend these atrocities. But, my 5 year old DD heard the radio briefly on Tuesday morning and asked. I just told her very limited info, that there had been an explosion at a concert, some people had been injured and died and then moved the discussion on to all the people who were there helping. In all honesty I was caught off guard so avoided mentioning the cause of the explosion but am aware that the moment she asks about that I need to have a straightforward age-appropriate answer ready. I don't think the school did wrong to acknowledge it, although might have been prudent to have warned you.

My dd is 10. We are in Manchester. Obviously talked about it. However, this is the first time I have mentioned 9/11 to her. It came up when she wanted other examples.
We have family in NYC and are lucky enough to be able to visit every year. I have never told her about it and have never visited the memorial in NYC. I just don't want to.
However, I felt it right to explain that terrible things happen but very rarely and there are more good people in the world than bad. Which doesn't feel adequate but is the way I am explaining it and encouraging questions.
I knew about IRA bombs when I was 5 - it was part of the world however much my parents steered clear of it.

Just asked DD (Yr3) what happened today when they held the silence. She told me they watched a couple of videos. One explained what had happened. The other was one of school children in Manchester talking about their emotions and how they are coping. I am really supportive of the way the school has handled it. I had already spoken to DD about it in any case but agree if it's handled with sensitivity and gives children age appropriate facts much better that than exaggerated playground talk!

I run a Rainbow unit so it's children ages 5 & 6 and we were sent info to give them but I made the choice not to, personally I feel that's a parents prerogative. But a few of the girls must have heard about it at school as overhead one conversation, it just seems so young to be discussing such a tragic thing, but I can see the reasons why,m.

I told DS 5 because I wanted him to hear it from me. He didn't deal with Mufasa dying in The Lion King very well and we had months of questions and tears over it. We live in Manchester but do not have any of the victims in our school or close group of friends. I still told him. He was ok.

Today the school did 1 minute silence, he knows he took part, but doesn't know why. He was told to play quietly. I think they missed the point of it tbh. Either do it, or don't.

Schools cannot be all things to all people. They have to make a judgement call on what fits best. Sometimes that will make parent A happy and parent B furious. Sometimes the opposite. Even the youngest children in a school will have the potential to be exposed via older children etc. You cannot control that. This school decided this was the least damaging option.

I think soimpressed 's school has it right. KS2 children should mostly be sufficiently mature to handle it if dealt with in an age-appropriate way. KS1 I don't think so.

The school sounds like it explained it in an age appropriate way so I think YAB a little U to be really annoyed. Second the thought that some kids would have known what happened and there would have been playground chatter about it anyway.

I told DD (7) what had happened before she went to school. I explained in an age appropriate way as I thought it was better coming from me than the playground. I'm really glad I did as we stopped in at the shopping centre on the way home and it was full of armed police, all bins etc had been taped up. It was easier to explain to her the police with guns were there to keep everyone safe because of what had happened.

In an ideal world we shouldn't need to explain these things to our young children because they shouldn't happen, but sadly it's the world we live in now.

The school has actively taken your choice away. I'd be complaining!

I bet you also would be that person who calls up annoyed that schools teach the PSHE curriculum at a time that doesn't suit you.

We have to move education on sexting down to Key Stage 3 now. Will it piss some people off? Yes. But does all our evidence show that it needs moving down from Y11 because kids are already doing it by y8/9, yes.

On issues like the Manchester attacks and other PSHE issues schools can't please everyone all the time.
To complain because you want to keep your child shielded is a bit over the top for me.

Sorry but yabu.
He needs to hear about these things in the correct manner rather than playground gossip etc which would eventually happen.
My boys are 5 & 9 and they have had no choice but to hear about it. People from their school attended but are thankfully ok, the cunt responsible lived not far from us, a house has been raided this morning a few rounds down, the police helicopters have been above us for 3 days. How can I shield them from this??!!

We live no where near Manchester and he has no older siblings or friends that would tell him about it.

But he goes to school, yes? with 8 year groups with a minimum of 30 pupils in each year? Do you think the other 260 odd parents have no friends, relatives, colleagues, connections with Manchester?

I grew up knowing everything about the IRA and many other terrorist organisations - we watched the news as a family every tea time.

You cannot bubble wrap children. So YABVU

I think you're naive to think that he's wouldn't have heard about it from his peers. Far better it's handled proactively and appropriately by the school and parents than through playground whispers alone.

He hasn't lost his innocence, get a grip ffs.

Oh, I think this is a difficult one. Yes, at the age of 5, they're still so tiny. I know when mine were 5 it was all Cbeebies and that's the way I wanted it to stay.
When they get to school though, they're going to hear about things.
I'd far rather the teachers said something (age appropriately, of course!) than being scared by others.
If they're having a minutes silence for the victims, surely they have to know what they're actually having a minute silence for?

YABU. I'm actually annoyed that my DC's school haven't mentioned it. I used to live in Manchester and we frequently fly in when we visit family (live overseas). I've told my two about it myself in age appropriate language. Anyone who's ever been through airport security with children will have faced questions about why we can't take water through, why bags have to be searched etc, so it's an extension of that for me. I really would much rather school mentioned it and told the right version of events, than children come into school with their versions and everyone go home with a distorted version of the truth.

I agree with the OP

They are a long time grown up. Some children could handle it (one of mine) others are worriers and thinkers and would have nightmares (the other one of mine).

I think it's quite sensible that schools are dealing with this head-on. Children of five are quite likely to have friends with older siblings who will have talked about this, and other things (drugs, sex, alcohol, etc), so dealing with an issue that is likely to impinge on their daily lives, in a structured and measured manner, is responsible.

Whether you think it is unreasonable, largely depends on how you approach dealing with broader issues like this. I have G&B twins, so sex education began when potty training began, and I always wanted to be the one to talk to our children about everything. I wanted my thoughts, my slant, my opinions, to inform them in my own time.

Although I restricted the television while they were tiny (because it irritates me when it drones onandonandonalldaylong), I had the radio on a lot so they would catch the news on the hour. An issue like this would have been the subject of much questioning, and I would have had this discussion with my two, probably during the day that the events were unfolding.

You might want to consider speaking to your child's teacher to find out how they approach the broader issues. Whether you leave it up to the school to deal with them or you discuss it at home first, is then up to you.

YABU