To tell DH he can't go to FA Cup Final on Saturday due to security risk?

[Bronzehorse]

I've never stopped him from doing anything he wanted to do and was happy for him when he was invited to go.

But I can barely breathe at the thought of him going on Saturday. I know people will say that we shouldn't be beaten and carry on with our lives, but right now, this week, with the upgraded critical risk of "imminent attacks" is it really worth taking the risk of going to what will be a huge "Hugh profile" gathering of people?

I've asked him not to go. AIBU to insist? Yes his life, his risk, but we have a young family and he is my world.

If he didn't go then he would probably sit at home and watch it on the telly. Imagine how upset he'll be not to be there, imagine how guilty you'll feel when it all passes off without incident.

It's hard but you have to kiss him goodbye and tell him to have a good time.

Sorry but YABU

My DH and DSS are going to Twickenham on Saturday. I wouldn't try to stop them.

We can't not go on trains, buses, shopping etc because of what may or may not happen.

YANBU in being concerned however, YABU to tell him he can't go.

Yabu, but I get it too. Changebags advice is good.

Statistically, the risk doesn't increase though after an attack. I cannot remember one terrorist incident that came hot on the heels of another one. I'm not saying it can't happen but historically, I'm fairly sure it hasn't happened. (Please correct me if I'm wrong on that).

You are being totally unreasonable. I'm sorry for how anxious you are, but you just can't try to stop him going if he's happy to.

Thing is, anxiety isn't reasonable. Anxiety's whole job is to turn you into a frightened mess that can't think things through properly. I know this because that's what it does to me.

Being cautious and a bit on edge is a normal response but not leaving the house or going to any big events or wasting the Xty billion he's spent on tickets for it are not reasonable.

Would it help to talk a 'just in case' plan through with him or would that make you fret worse, do you think?

Statistically he's just as likely to accidentally drown in the bath.

changebags He just called me and I said sorry for my wobble earlier, of course he should go, but can he humour me and stay sober then he can keep his wits about him?

How likely he is to stay sober I don't know!?!

He was cool about it. I think that was really good advice, thank you. And to all of you who appreciate why I'm stressed (despite being VVV unreasonable) and have similar worries.

I lost a boyfriend in a motorbike accident, so I do get that everyday life is probably more risky.

YABU. My partner, 9 year old son and I are all off to Twickenham on Saturday (COYW!)

We've been told to get there early and try not to take a bag if possible as security is obviously heightened at the moment and bag checks will take a long time.

As a Londoner I've lived with the threat of terrorism all my life - I remember our school getting coded warnings in the 1980s and being evacuated out of it as well as shopping centres and even a cinema on one occasion! Just something we live with. Although obviously after the Good Friday agreement this was reduced. Instead now we have Islamic extremists. But it's no different and I'm not going to let it change the way I behave. Running scared is the way these people want us to be.

what a ridiculous post. Of course YABU. Grow up.

I'm going with my kids. It has crossed my mind but no way would I now tell them they can't go.

This is life now. This is what we will all have to adapt to forever. We have to live! We will all die soon one way or another, whether it is in this ongoing war or of old age having lived a life of fear.

I am not going to deprive my children or my DH of any of the joy in life because of a tiny minority who wish to spoil our British Freedom.

I think you already know that yabu but I do understand where your at.
My daughter is due to go to a couple of concerts this year in London, one with girl guides, so I won't be there.
I think she will end up going but atm I feel quite sick about it. No matter how many statistics are thrown about, anxiety is a head fuck.

YABU

BaggyCheeks - don't want to be picky but the explosion near the Dortmund bus was not terror related. It was some bloke who wanted the share price in the team to drop or something. Can't recall the exact reason but it was NOT terrorism.
Stade de France was sadly........ as you were

My DH and son are going to Wembley too - wouldn't stop them.

YABU. He's a grown man, you cannot tell him what he can and cannot do.

I understand your concerns but I think you're being ridiculous. They're shit hot with security at football grounds anyway; I've had bag searches and scans at Old Trafford, and in a lot you can't even get a lid for a bottle of Coke in.

I'm going to a concert, at Old Trafford cricket ground, on Saturday and there's no way I'd let this stop me.

I'd imagine security would be even tighter than usual everywhere.

Courteeners? NotA me too!!

There will be so many checks at any big events Op The one I'm going to above as said to expect delays due to it and are asking for no bags to be taken.
There will be armed police and possibly army too.
I'm admittedly a bit worried, but it's the first time leaving my dd overnight too. But I'm not willing to put my life on hold.

Seeing the massive security operation in force in Cardiff, before this happened, makes me feel extremely safe. Police have been in the city centre and bay checking drains daily and bins have been removed. Huge steel barriers have been brought in - last seen when Obama was in town briefly.

Emboo19 Yep! My ticket finally arrived today. I've been looking forward to this for months, so there's no way some nutcase would stop me from going.

OP, do try not to worry (I know it's easier said than done, especially in the face of anxiety). They'll be fine.

I'm sorry, I think asking him to stay sober is over the line. He's an adult and entitled to make his own assessment of risk.

If you were happy for him to drink before the terrorist attack, you shouldn't ask him not to now.

We're still going
I refuse to let these wankers win

Security at Wembley is always tight anyway so I imagine it will be one of the safest places to be.

minionsrule ah thanks one less terror incident to worry about!

My DP is going and I do feel a little (I know irrationally) nervous, but I wouldn't ask him not to go. I have asked him to keep his phone charged & have written down the phone numbers of the friends he's with, but that's all I can reasonably do really.
The chances of something happening there are so so tiny that worrying is irrational, but whoever said humans were rational...?

My 19 yr old ds had planned to go on Saturday at the Chelsea end behind the goal.

Dh is now going with him and has paid for a box in the corporate area. I feel a bit better about this since security is normally tight in these areas anyway in my experience. I'm still worried though

I'm more worried about my nephew attending Pride on Saturday and have actually asked him not to go, as has his sister and his partner. He's still going though but I am actually quite worried.

Nothing we can do about it though.