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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to report after school incident to police

104 replies

vickibee · 24/05/2017 10:23

I went to collect my son from school yesterday (he is 10 and has HF ASD he is being supported in school with social difficulties), walking back to car a class mates Granddad stepped out of his vehicle and hurled abuse at me following a playtime incident between my DS and his GS. Gs had complained to him that my son had fell on him on school field and hurt his leg. He was stood about a foot away from me staring me right in the face and shouting at me. no swearing or threats but I felt intimidated. my Ds ran ahead and waited by our car 50 yards away. He said my sons behaviour was out of control and he demanded that I should keep him away from his GS. I was a disgrace for a parent if I allowed these behaviours etc. He was trying to block my way but I got through and my son and I went back to school to report to HT. She seemed very supportive and said she will look into matters today but should I report to police?

OP posts:
leighdinglady · 24/05/2017 11:17

If you felt in fear of violence, it could be assault. Although I strongly doubt the police will do anything.

I wish people would stop spouting 'it's harassment' on these threads!!! No. It's not. Harassment is a very particular criminal offence with a course of conduct, ie at least twice!

Freddystarshamster · 24/05/2017 11:21

my instinct is to report to the police - I certainly felt intimidated

There's no crime of being made to feel intimidated, no matter how much you want there to be. It doesn't fall under any POA legislation. What would you expect the police to do? Why report it?

endofthelinefinally · 24/05/2017 11:24

At least put everything in writing or email to the school.
Remember, the general rule with these things is that if it isn't written down, it didn't happen.

brasty · 24/05/2017 11:26

I am so sorry OP that you felt intimidated.
Agree though that no crime has been committed.
Flowers

Freddystarshamster · 24/05/2017 11:26

I'd complain to the police. It was intimidation and harassment

Harassment? Christ on a bike have you heard yourself? You are on mumsnet so have full access to the internet. Do you not think if you have no legal training you might want to check up on your facts before spouting nonsense?

brasty · 24/05/2017 11:27

I think people routinely mix up everyday terms, with legal terms. We use the word harassment in everyday language to mean all kind of things. But harassment as a legal term has a very specific meaning.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 24/05/2017 11:33

Have I got this right. He screams in your face like a raging banshee over kids fighting, and. He's saying your ds is out of control.
However if he didn't actually threaten you. There's nothing the police can do. Its not illegal to shout. That doesn't make him any less of a bullying twat, through.
(((((((((((()))))))))

Original poster
vickibee · 24/05/2017 11:40

I felt he was so close to being violent, a 70 year old fella behaving in a way that he suggests my DS does not.

OP posts:
WhereIsTheLikeButton · 24/05/2017 11:46

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TaliZorahVasNormandy · 24/05/2017 11:51

You are being very selfish, what about the child your son hurt? Don't you think he felt upset and intimidated?

It was girl who hurt the boy, not the OP's son. He just happened to present at the time.

aginghippy · 24/05/2017 11:56

Sorry this happened to you vicki, it must have been scary.

I would not report to the police at this stage. As pp said, what he has done is not a criminal offence. If he does something similar again, definitely contact the police. Legally, you must have experienced at least two incidents by the same person for it to be harassment.

This man is obviously a knob. The best advice is probably to give him a wide berth from now on, if possible.

Original poster
vickibee · 24/05/2017 11:56

I would hope that people can show a little understanding, my son has autism not problems.
He is generally a kind boy who doesn't understand social norms He is not violent or malicious. He has a learning disability and is an easy target for other kids to get cheap laughs from, this child has form for getting my son into trouble

OP posts:
soapboxqueen · 24/05/2017 12:04

whereis The OPs ds hadn't done anything. He doesn't have 'problems' he's autistic.

innurendo · 24/05/2017 12:06

This depends on whether he seems to have meant you any harm. I don't see that in what you described, not swearing, questioning your allowance of this behaviour.

If not, it seems like you want it to be against the law for a man to be cross that his grandson is hurt, because you find him scary when he does so. What is really warranted is probably an apology for shouting and a more calm discussion of the problem.

A little understanding could be applied on both sides, we are all cross and demand answers when our children are hurt, and on the other hand shouting is the opposite of discussion. I certainly wouldn't call the police for this any more than I would call them to cut me some cheese for a sandwich.

soapboxqueen · 24/05/2017 12:07

I'm suprised to hear that randomly shouting at and harassing people in the street is not illegal or a police matter.

BlackeyedSusan · 24/05/2017 12:17

actually it could be a disability hate crime in that he is berating you because your son is autistic. possibly. ring and discuss, say you are not sure but that you felt intimidated and he was shouting and blocking your path. They can then decide whether they take this seriously or not.

OUr police force have put out leaflets in libraries highlighting verbal abuse as possible disability hate crimes.

Original poster
vickibee · 24/05/2017 12:21

I have called the police and they have logged the incident - given me a ref no and they said there may be a case to pursue. They have put it on hold for now so I can fully consider what I wish to do. It could do more harm than good

OP posts:
Freddystarshamster · 24/05/2017 12:23

He's not "harassing people" he's had an altercation with the OP. Why would that or "randomly shouting" be illegal or a police matter?

How would you enforce it? When does a loud voice become a shout? How could that be evidenced in court? What about market traders? They shout all the time. Should the police be rounding them up? Football fans on the way to a game? A couple of thousand arrests there easy.

soapboxqueen · 24/05/2017 12:26

Freddy I get what you are saying. It's perfectly OK to confront people, shout at them, block their path, berate them. All in good fun.

Alfieisnoisy · 24/05/2017 12:26

God I love ignorant people ...not.

Autism is a disability folks...an invisible one.

The OP has said on more than one occasion here that her child is polite and has good behaviour in school.

He is vulnerable to teasing by others.

He doesn't understand social norms but will get support in school and home to help him.

The OP was subjected to a tirade of abuse by a man who physically blocked her access to her vehicle and her anxious child.

And yet some of you instantly went into victim blame mode asking what did her son do to trigger the incident.

Shame on you.

That kind of shit is why I moved my DS to a special school. Disability discrimination is alive and well as some of you on this thread show openly, AngryAngry

chocorabbit · 24/05/2017 12:30

School incidents should only be dealt with at school with the teachers. Once a parent spoke to me to complain about my son "having hit" their child which DS denied at home, although I had already made him apologise to the child. I then spoke to his teacher who was clearly upset and told me "we TOLD them that nothing happened and the child caused the accident by himself. They shouldn't have spoken to you, we told them to come directly to us! Let me deal with it.".

Saucery · 24/05/2017 12:32

It could Op, but it's logged with them now, in case he does repeat it in future.

Freddystarshamster · 24/05/2017 12:32

You have spoken to a civillian call taker. They've given you a ref number for the call that is all. By HOCR standards if a crime had been reported over the phone they're duty bound to record and investigate and it'd be triaged accordingly. It wouldn't be up to You whether it is taken further. You haven't got that as there is no crime.

Blackeyed- that's not a hate crime. It would be recorded as a hate incident but not a crime as there needs to be an actual offence for it to be a hate crime. I'll leave my personal opinion on hate incidents out of this, except to say is all that means is that it's recorded. Nothing else is done with it.

user1495025590 · 24/05/2017 12:33

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brasty · 24/05/2017 12:34

Being shouted at is unpleasant. No one is saying you should not be affected by this. But it is alone, not a crime. Harassment has to show a pattern. If this incident was part of a pattern, that would be different.

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