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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he must be on chatsites

81 replies

user1495612673 · 24/05/2017 09:07

I have been in a long distance relationship with him for over a year.
He say he loves me misses etc.
In the early days of our relationship he was still on the chatsite he met me on and I created fake id and he flirted a bit with me.
We did seem to get closer as our relationship went on and he has been coming every weekend to see me and he texts and video calls me in the week.
He promised some time ago that he would stop going on the chatsite and I didn't see his profile on there again although I am aware he could have changed his id.
The other day we was searching for a place on his phone and I noticed that a couple of chatsites came up on his phone.
I questioned him and he said he isn't on chatsites no need because he has me.
He said the only reason they where in his search history is because his boss was asking where he had met me and he was showing him links.
But if that's the case why was he not just showing him the one he met me on.
What you think mumsnetters.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1495612673 · 24/05/2017 10:55

Tell me should I accept if he goes on them and is just chatting without meeting.
Would you accept this.

OP posts:
Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 24/05/2017 10:57

When you window shop do you imagine yourself in the dress or shoes??
Browsing chat rooms is in my mind window shopping.

He is imagining he is inside the women.

ImperialBlether · 24/05/2017 10:59

No, I wouldn't accept that. I remember going into chatrooms and a lot of very intense relationships and friendships were built there.

Can you tell us what you've sacrificed for him? You say you haven't given him money and you see him once a week. Are you a guarantor for something?

Smeaton · 24/05/2017 11:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
user1495612673 · 24/05/2017 11:02

I sacrificed a long term relationship and got a flat so I am paying out a lot of money on it

OP posts:
Original poster
user1495612673 · 24/05/2017 11:04

After I questioned him about the search history He told me a bit about a couple of women he met and some he spoke to before meeting me.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1495612673 · 24/05/2017 11:05

the ones in search history appeared to be dating type

OP posts:
Original poster
user1495612673 · 24/05/2017 11:07

He is saying he doesn't just want a relationship he wants me as his wife are these the words of a man on chatsites.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1495612673 · 24/05/2017 11:09

He said that a lot of women he spoke to before where fake and that he wont find anyone like me.

OP posts:
Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 24/05/2017 11:14

He is blurring your suspicions with patter. . .
What are his long term plans for your relationship? A day a week isn't much to base a marriage on.

Original poster
user1495612673 · 24/05/2017 11:17

He wants to move in with me when he finds a job close to me

OP posts:
Original poster
user1495612673 · 24/05/2017 11:18

He said that I love and care for him and I am the only one in his life that asks how he is.
Which is why he would like me as his wife.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1495612673 · 24/05/2017 11:20

my friend said worry about the chatsites if we get together properly and just enjoy the relationship.

OP posts:
peachgreen · 24/05/2017 11:29

Yes, those are the words of a man on a chat site. He is on chat sites and he's saying things like that to you to stay on your good side.

Smeaton · 24/05/2017 11:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 24/05/2017 11:36

I also hope you always have protected sex. .

Original poster
user1495612673 · 24/05/2017 11:37

He says he can never leave me etc etc.
I am scared of getting my heart broken.

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 24/05/2017 11:48

Well you're going to end up getting heartbroken

Are you the one who started the thread yesterday about him only seeing you once a week and have sex? And he was unsure to see you because it's Ramadan?

peachgreen · 24/05/2017 11:50

Yes, and OP has posted under another name as well, complaining that he is sometimes too tired to come and see her.

Original poster
user1495612673 · 24/05/2017 11:51

why you think so sparkly

OP posts:
Original poster
user1495612673 · 24/05/2017 11:52

So have I had my head in the clouds for over a year.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1495612673 · 24/05/2017 11:56

This is driving me mad

OP posts:
Borntobeamum · 24/05/2017 12:29

How old are you OP?
How old is this guy and is he English?

lelapaletute · 24/05/2017 12:41

You're not listening to anyone OP. Situation is dodgy and unsustainable, end of. If you bought a flat after leaving your LTR, why don't you suggest to him you move in with him or get a place together somewhere in the middle?

TaraCarter · 24/05/2017 12:41

OP, you just said ^he comes to me on Saturday evening looking like he has been at work.
Dirty hair, dusty and sometimes stains from building materials on arms^

Maybe he has been at work. On Saturday. Doesn't mean he doesn't have free time to see other women or spend time with his wife on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday or Friday.

There might be a wife who thinks he spends most of the weekend at work, when actually it's just Saturday, and the Sunday is with you.

Does he talk to you about his family, his friends, what his parents are like, or anything?