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AIBU?

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Original poster

Aibu to think it's not possible for my dh to have crushed me...

90 replies

humiliatinginjury · 24/05/2017 07:07

My dh and I were together last night and I felt like I got um crushed under him . I couldn't breather had pain in my ribs and tummy.
I was ok after a few minutes but felt faint and shaky for a while. I thought I might be a panic attack of some kind.

This morning my ribs and tummy are still hurting and the worrier side of me is saying that I have some kind of "sex crush" injury.

The rational part of me says dear god woman your fine you can't be crushed having sex.

Aibu to think that the pain must be a coincidence ?- you can't actually get crush injuries from just having sex bearing in mind my husband isn't massive.

For obvious reasons I don't really want to discuss this with people in real life especially dh!

OP posts:
Original poster
humiliatinginjury · 24/05/2017 08:23

Kokusi-I think things are ok I do feel down sometimes and anxious obviously . But that's normal for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
humiliatinginjury · 24/05/2017 08:23

Babba not that I know of.

OP posts:
confusedat23 · 24/05/2017 08:23

Sorry to be a bit personal but does he not try to hold himself off of you? you know by propping himself up on an arm etc... my DH is 6 foot 1 and probably only 14 stone but he has never "crushed" me during sex...

Otherwise you just need to tell him you want a different position... With DH being taller than me I hate the uneveness of him being ontop so we do it different ways

Original poster
humiliatinginjury · 24/05/2017 08:25

Confused - sometimes I does sometimes he just puts all his weight down.

OP posts:
Original poster
humiliatinginjury · 24/05/2017 08:26

I am only 5 foot 2 so it is a bit of a difference.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 24/05/2017 08:28

At 15 stone he is too heavy just to "put his weight down". No wonder you were panicking, you were being crushed!

Kokusai · 24/05/2017 08:31

sometimes he just puts all his weight down.

OUCH

+1 for him being too heavy to do that! The person on top can't just put all their weight down without holding themselves up on their arms or whatever.

elephantscansing · 24/05/2017 08:35

OP, this is ringing all sorts of alarm bells with me.

Surely at 15 stones your h knows he can't just put all his weight on you?? Don't all men use their hands/forearms to support themselves during sex? I'd suggest other posiitons in future where he's not on top of you (if you want to have sex with him again, that is.).

But your talk of panic attacks during sex, not wanting to disappoint your h, not being able to tlak to him about this - that all worries me a lot.

How's the pain now? Does it hurt when you breathe? Is it worth making a GP appt?

Tinseleverywhere · 24/05/2017 08:37

Yes you could be injured by this after all 15 stone is very heavy, over 200lbs, and more than most of us could lift. Of course it wasn't all directly on you but it could still be enough to cause an injury if it was a slightly awkward position. Think how people can break their foot by tripping over awkwardly.
Also the panicky feeling could be due to the discomfort. I hate it if I can't breathe freely and I don't like something covering my face. That makes me feel panicky.
I agree with the others that you talk to your husband about it, he needs to know so he can be a lot more careful in future. If course he would want to know if he cares about you.

And you should see the GP if you are still having a lot of pain and discomfort, no need to tell them the full story just say the minimum they won't judge you.

zzzzz · 24/05/2017 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VolunteerAsTribute · 24/05/2017 08:58

If you're sore then take a mild painkiller. If it hurts a few hours after that then go to a Dr.

I have no idea why people are looking for problems in your relationship and in your behavior and his OP.

Hulder · 24/05/2017 09:01

Er my DH is 10 stone and if he puts all his weight done on me I tell him to stop it, never mind ruining his moment.

It hurts and is scary and makes me feel v vulnerable.

I don't think you were having a panic attack either - you were being crushed and too nervous to tell your DH to cut it out.

BluePeppers · 24/05/2017 09:13

Fwiw if DH puts some of his weight onto me, I feel like I'm struggling to breathe.
So it makes me wonder. Are your panic attacks because of the weight on your upper body, making it hard for you to breathe?

Thee is no way, DH could put his whole weight on me. It would be uncomfortable and painful.

Next time if you have any pain or if you start feeling it's harder to breathe, tell him to back off a bit, out some weight on his arms before countinuing. I suspect this will solve a few of your issues.

Foxysoxy01 · 24/05/2017 09:15

This might be TMI and ignore me if you don't feel comfortable talking about it but how are you actually having sex?

It sounds like he is literally laying on top of you which is a little concerning tbh.

If he has just sort of belly flopped on you, how does he thrust Blush he can't just sort of lay there trapping you under him surely?

It is sounding quite worrying if he is pinning you under him with all of his weight suffocating you! Also quite unpleasant for you and not even remotely normal, unless I have lived a very sheltered life and people get off on sex like this Confused

BeepBeepMOVE · 24/05/2017 09:18

If you've been together 16years and never told him he's too heavy then I'm guessing he thinks it's okay. Just tell him.

ihop · 24/05/2017 09:21

Just seen your update. He shouldn't be putting his weight on you at all. The person on top would Normally rest their weight on their hands.

If he is frequently putting his weight on you it needs addressing. Doing so could easily injure you not to mention making you feel panicked trapped and anxious.

Can you bring it up outside the bedroom? Say you are feeling discomfort from the other
Night and could he please be careful and not put his weight on you as you are sure he won't want to accidentally hurt you.

sadsquid · 24/05/2017 09:22

I think people are being slightly dramatic with their concerns, but it honestly shouldn't be scary or difficult to talk to your DH about this sort of thing.

I have panic attacks too and they swoop down at any old time - if I can have one doing the washing up I can have one during sex! And I also try to ignore them because I know they'll end. I do think sex would be quite unpleasant mid-attack though so would stop regardless. If sex hurts or feels bad in any way, it's always OK to stop immediately. Always. You being in discomfort is a much bigger deal than your partner not getting to come.

As for getting injured, it's just as possible to get injured during sex as it is during sports! So no, I'm sure the pain isn't a coincidence. I think (and bear in mind I am not a doctor!) it's more likely a bit of bruising and pulled muscles than a serious crush injury, though. Or it sounds a little like when I cracked a rib at a concert. In your shoes I would try paracetamol and see a doctor if that wasn't enough to manage it, or if the pain got worse at any point.

You do sound a bit anxious around sex - finding it difficult to ask DH to stop when you're not enjoying it, being embarrassed to talk about getting hurt during it. It's a normal thing to do and it should be enjoyable. Not an embarrassing secret, not a chore, just fun.

elevenclips · 24/05/2017 09:29

15 stone is too much to put down on you. You are almost a foot shorter than him. He probably needs to be more aware of the difference between you in size. Go to the doctor, they will check you over.

MatildaTheCat · 24/05/2017 09:37

Many years ago as a student nurse, I looked after a woman who had her pelvis broken by her new husband during sex. He was so mortified. But, yes, you certainly can get badly injured and as ever, talking about it is what generally works best.

Hope you feel better soon.

Rednailsandnaeknickers · 24/05/2017 09:49

15 stone could very very easily have broken some ribs. You need to get checked by a Doc and you must tell your husband not to put his full weight down on you again!!!

AdalindSchade · 24/05/2017 09:59

It is really worrying what you are saying. Firstly that you often get panic attacks during sex that you ignore - you should absolutely be able to tell your partner to stop and any decent person would stop immediately and take care of you. The fact that you don't is worrying and says either you believe your own needs are completely irrelevant or that your husband is in some way coercing you into continuing with sex at any cost.
Secondly the fact that you're scared to stop him during sex when you're in a lot of pain. That says the same thing as the first issue tbh.
Thirdly the fact that he puts his whole weight on you during sex. He's either completely clueless (in which case he needs to be told immediately) or he's very selfish and too preoccupied with his own sexual gratification to realise that he's going to hurt you. It should be obvious to any man that he can't lay on top of a small woman without doing her some harm.

Original poster
humiliatinginjury · 24/05/2017 10:20

Adalin- it's hard to really think exactly why I didn't say anything - I suppose I just thought I was being stupid!

OP posts:
AdalindSchade · 24/05/2017 10:36

You have the right to be comfortable and feel safe in your home at all times, especially when having sex. You have the right to tell your husband if he is hurting you or you are feeling panicky. You have the right to say no to sex or to stop sex at any time with any reason or none.

MirriVan · 24/05/2017 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MirandaWest · 24/05/2017 11:21

My DH is about 15.5 stone and 6 foot 2. He has once hurt my ribs when we were having sex when for a few seconds he didn't have his weight on his arms. I said "ow" and he stopped. But did have sore ribs for a few days.

Hope you're feeling better soon.

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