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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a word with my MIL about posting pictures of my son on social media?

27 replies

Chewiecat · 23/05/2017 20:28

My mil is posting pictures and little snippets of information about my son on Facebook. Nothing dodgy , just cute little things.

I don't feel comfortable with this, mainly because I want to protect his privacy. I don't want there to be loads of his pictures around in the internet, god forbid if he turns into an internet meme!

I refrain from posting any pictures of him, and only share photos with family on WhatsApp in private groups. She then posts those photos I send her on whatsapp to Facebook! Yikes ..

Aibu to tell her to stop?

OP posts:
Gildolann · 23/05/2017 20:29

Absolutely not.

SisterhoodisPowerful · 23/05/2017 20:31

Tell her to stop.

NannyOggsKnickers · 23/05/2017 20:31

Not at all. We were clear with our families from the beginning- no pictures on social media. This is mainly because I think that DD should be allowed to control her own online presence once she is old enough to want to. It's her privacy. She's a baby now but she won't always be.

MiddleClassProblem · 23/05/2017 20:33

YANBU. Just explain it to her.

NavyandWhite · 23/05/2017 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Atenco · 23/05/2017 20:35

I think you need to explain to her why you don't want her to do this as she obviously hasn't thought it through.

ollieplimsoles · 23/05/2017 20:37

I think that DD should be allowed to control her own online presence once she is old enough to want to. It's her privacy. She's a baby now but she won't always be.

This is exactly the reason we don't allow it. I also need to use social media for my work promotion and use it only for this purpose. I dont really want my professional life and family life to mix that much.
We had to have a word with some people but most were perfectly fine. Just talk to her

ChrisPrattsFace · 23/05/2017 20:38

Tell her to remove them. My brother won't have any pictures of his DS on social media, it is his child and he wants to protect his privacy.
I am yet to have any DC - but i will follow suit with no social media rule.

OnTheRise · 23/05/2017 20:42

I would go one further. I would tell her to delete every single bloody picture she's ever posted anywhere online of your children.

Yes, it's extreme. But yes, it's reasonable. A friend of mine suffered appallingly because of other family members' online behaviours (I can't go into detail because of outing). It's not reasonable for your MIL to do this. It's dangerous.

NavyandWhite · 23/05/2017 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scootinFun · 23/05/2017 21:07

Ask her to remove - and don't send her any more pictures

Original poster
Chewiecat · 23/05/2017 21:17

Thanks all! I feel a bit less paranoid now.. I'm not sure if her account is public, she's not especially tech savvy so I don't think it's as locked down as it should be.

DH and me have been victims of identity fraud before so we are both quite cautious about posting personal information on social media.

Also I hate the thought of random people gawking at my DS and commenting about him. It's private and for family members only.

NannyOggs - my sentiments exactly! My DS is still a baby now but will grow up soon, he may not like all these photos of him.

OP posts:
SandunesAndRainclouds · 23/05/2017 21:20

I've had a similar issue - photos sent by private email / messenger then uploaded to social media. It doesn't matter that their account is 'private' but it does matter to me that 200+ people can see the photo and share if they so wish. I don't know these people and wouldn't invite them into my home to look at printed photo albums and I don't want them being able to do so online either.

supermoon100 · 23/05/2017 21:51

I don't really do facebook and the like but couldn't give two hoots if my mum posted pics of my kids. Lighten up

SafeToCross · 23/05/2017 22:10

Hmm, go easy on her feelings. Maybe just mention that its not really the done thing to share the baby pics so publically in these days of social media. I do wonder though about how realistic it is to choose to keep all images from public platforms. I mean I know you can refuse permission, but my dcs school/guides/sports teams/youth group regularly post pics on facebook or twitter and some of them I have not explicitly signed permission. My DH tries to have no presence whatsoever on social media, so it amuses me that his picture crops up on my feeds almost weekly because the club he trains with put pictures up all the time. Likewise I was looking up a local person who is standing for election and she happens to be involved in a group loosely associated with a youth group the dc go to - bingo, the group's pages include 4 pictures I have never seen of my dc joining in some activities. One of those parent magazines had a photo of my dd in when they 'profiled' the school - I didn't know until my friend got a copy.

Scholes34 · 23/05/2017 22:16

I don't have a problem with it. Kept to a minimum and no names. I really don't think that many people are interested in my parents' grandchildren, other than their friends.

emmyhNL · 23/05/2017 22:21

My FIL did this after we explicitly told them not to. They were politely asked not to and we gave our reasons why and they've not done it since thankfully. I know it annoys them though

Squishedstrawberry4 · 23/05/2017 22:28

Next time you share a picture, remind everyone not to forward it to social media

JayneAusten · 23/05/2017 23:55

I think you're being a little OTT.

I don't think our grown up DC are going to care whether we shared their baby pics or not. They probably won't even know. Their names won't be attached to them and even if they were - so what? Oh look, John used to be a baby. So?

I say just let your MIL enjoy being proud of her grandchild. She's literally harming noone.

ChrisPrattsFace · 24/05/2017 09:31

Op if you've been victim of identity fraud before, you can be traced through pretty much anything connected to you.
A client of mine works in online security and identification, he done some testing and traced people through pictures of their pets. (i know there is a lot more to it than that - but you get what i mean!)
So to those people saying it harms no one - it can. and it does.

Its OP's child, and people should respect if she doesn't watch pictures of them on the internet. (once its out there - its out!)

soapboxqueen · 24/05/2017 09:44

This is a very personal preference. I don't mind as long as pictures are decent and not public. It is fairly normal to post pictures of children. However, if you choose not to do that, it should be respected. Have a quiet word with your MIL. Tell her you know she only posts the pictures because she thinks they are lovely but that you are trying to limit social media exposure so could she just keep it either between yourselves, close family or friends.

Dianneabbottsmathsteacher · 24/05/2017 10:14

Personally I couldn't care about this as long as pics are sensible. I posted my kids and post grandkids but have good privacy settings.

By the time your kid is 9 he will probably be posting dozens of selfies a day via his phone but if you don't want her to then tell her and of course she should respect your views and stop posting.

It's impossible not to have an internet present now really unless you are invisible and have no job or social life.

CandleLit · 24/05/2017 10:24

Might be worth looking at getsafeonline, cyberstreetwise or thinkuknow websites to back your request up - help her to see that this is sensible rather than an overreaction on your part.

Bettyspants · 24/05/2017 10:27

I'd just ask her to remove them all and not post pics in the future. I asked a relative to do this recently, she had no idea about internet safety and had no idea her family snaps were on public view. Some people just need things pointing out, doesn't need to be a big deal and you are not being unreasonable.

Original poster
Chewiecat · 24/05/2017 19:49

Thank you everyone for the input! DH will be having a gentle word with her tonight.. I don't mind the odd photo but it was getting a bit excessive! Anyway, hopefully it will all be resolved Wink

OP posts:
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