Really annoyed (putting it politely) with SIL

[fullhouse]

aaaarrrgggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

DH and I have an on going issue with my in-laws about them feeding our dd at times other then meal times and snack times or too close to a meal. Several times when we pop in to see them they will (sometimes without my dd even asking for anything) offer her snacks and dh & I have to politely say no.

Well, (i can feel myself getting angry again now) my SIL is a very controlling figure in the family (my dh has refered to her as Pauline Fowler!). I live very close to my in-laws and so I can see when she is there. She gets very uppity if I do not pop in to see her and her kids when i am coming or going from my own house. So, when I got home on Thursday i saw her car and felt that ok i'll pop in for 5 mins as it was my dd's dinner time. Everything was fine until i had to leave. I said it several times to my dd that it was time to go as it was dinner time. However my dd (who is 2 btw) saw her cousins having their dinner in the kitchen and asked to have a bit. I was standing at the front door and saw my sil start to give dd some. I said no several times and even raised my voice. SIL ignored me and gave dd the food.

Now i just grabbed dd and started to walk out the door when sil shouted from behind "it's not fair for her not to have any if she sees them having some".
I replied - "yes well its the habit we don't want her to get"

sil's kids had to be followed around to be fed when they were younger and her boy of 3 1/2 still has to be fed and will not stay at the table to eat.

I was furious because a) she totally ignored me and against my principles as a mother and b) she is giving my dd mixed messages about eating. dh & i always agreed that our dd should sit at a table to eat dinners and sit in one place for snacks. Not be fed on the move and at any time.

aaaarrrgggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now she wants us to come to hers for Mothers Day!!!!! If we say no she'll go arsey!

Your sil should have been gracious enough to comply with your wishes but my guess is she was spoiling for an argument so thought 'what the hell'
You should rise above it and not go round there

I mean, she shouldn't go against your requests

but my god they are slightly barking requests, aren't they?

Good God.
Get a grip you nutter.

Awwwwww

only one person allowed to be rude to fullhouse at a time, please

fullhouse don't worry I have switched sides now. I will back you up come what may

What food was she giving your DD?

A full English with trimmings?

Or a bit of toast?

Somewhere in between?

FickleandZooey

FightingfortheunderdogandZooey

Fannyingaboutandzooey

If you know your inlaws often offer snacks, I think I'd have given DD dinner first, and then popped round after.

FuckoffGreenyandZooey

This is probably going to get you all attaking some more......both dh and I are over weight. We both have struggled all our lives with weight problems. DH truly believes that part of his problem comes from the fact that his parents and the family community didn't help in terms of feeding him the wrong things and at any time he wanted.
I, on the other hand, comfort eat and am at the mo on weight watchers and had hypnotherpy to try to get to the root issues.
HOWEVER... i don't think that this is the underlying reasons for being strict with our dd. I truly believe in good manners etc AND sil totally ignored my wishes.

I would see a big problem with anyone doing something I had specifically said no to. Can you ask your dh to have a word with her?

"I truly believe in good manners"

But you were standing at the front door and shouting through to your SIL - manners???

You sound stressed. Just avoid her at mealtimes if you feel so strongly.

"i raised my voice" there is a big difference between that and shouting - and i do know it!

Id advise put your house up for sale and move to the other end of the country!

This will make you laugh - We are moving at the end of the year ........ to the bottom of the street!!! Mad or wot? I'm hoping this will ease some of the pressure of being expected to go round so often.

I wouldn't have gone it at teatime - would have gone home first, eaten then popped in afterwards. I don;t think she should have ignored you but can see that she may have just thought it would help - I always take people up on offers of tea or snacks - esp if theirs are having one at the time - not worth the tears and whinging!

Don't think shouting at her was a good plan though - maybe say sorry and explain how you feel to calm things down a bit. If she understands how you feel about it all she won;t do it again. If you do chat about it it may be an idea to leave out how you feel about the way she feeds her children!

Why do you feel so under pressure to go round to her house though? Does she use the kids as a weapon? For example does she say that her kids will be so upset if they dont see their cousins?

If she doesn;t get how you feel - I would move further afield too!

powder28 - this is exactly what she's like. She would use the kids!

i didn't shout! I raised my voice

I already had dinner in the oven and it was ready for dd.