AIBU disabled parking and toilets

[sashh]

OK this is not exactly ATAT but, I have a disability and a blue badge. I just wondered how many other people have been given excuses by apparently (yes I know there are hidden disabilities, but people with genuine need tend not to mumble excuses) able bodies people using the blue badge spaces and the accessible toilet.

I've waited outside a toilet because someone was getting changed to go out after work(twice, different places.)

Been stopped from going in to the accessible toilet by a woman with a toddler and a very loud, "Excuse me..." looks at toddler, then notices my walking stick and says, "Oh go on".

Had someone rattle the handle to the extend I was scared to open the door because I thought I would break my wrist while the handle was rattled because their child needed to change.

Not be able to pay my rent because the only accessible bays near the bank were all taken by Xmas shoppers with no blue badges and my housing benefit was paid by cheque so I couldn't get the money i to my account before my rent went out.

Not able to shop if it's raining because then all the blue badge spaces are taken by cars without badges.

I'll probably remember a few more.

Jeez Louise. While people shouldn't be using accessible toilets for spurious reasons, it isn't the parents' fault if the baby changing place is shared with the disabled loo. It's not a case of "planning your journey". A baby having a pootastrophe hasn't read that memo. Why are parents of young children continually pitted against disabled people whether on buses or in toilet facilities? There should be room for everyone.

and more othering

Dawn that's terrible but I suspect she'd have been just as much an utter bitch if she'd legitimately using the loo for baby change or a disability. In a decent world someone would just let you use the loo because your need was greater.

You can't say other people have no medical challenges by looking at them.

So yeah, parking spaces is a big no-no, but I would never assume with toilets.

elkegel Most of us don't have a problem if it's a shared facility, although we'd prefer it if councils didn't make them shared facilities.
However, if it's not a shared facility then the need of an adult (in this case) is greater than the need of a baby.

Momma thank you. Unfortunately this isn't the first time and I'm not the only one this has happened to. You are absolutely spot on though, people who think there spurious needs trumps someone with a disability are going to be bitches no matter what.

Dawn

The problem is that everyone thinks they've a disability now, so thinks they have a right to access toilets that are made to accommodate wheelchairs.

Someone mentioned earlier "IBS", which is so common that if everyone with IBS walked into the disabled toilet they'd never be empty.

IBS is not IBD (Crohn's, Ulcerative Colitis) which is a serious medical condition.

There is a difference between preferring to go into a bigger cubicle and being absolutely unable to enter a normal cubicle, or unable to use one because of the need to have a private sink. The latter is the case for those in wheelchairs and those with colostomy bags.

People should really think of others instead of making it about them. We all have medical conditions, it doesn't make us all disabled in the sense that we need the bigger loo.

I have ulcerative colitis, but whatsthe, I can understand people with IBS needing to use the loo. If it's bad it can be really bad and there may be a need to change. Apart from this health services are finally working out that many people being diagnosed with IBS are in fact suffering from IBD conditions.

do a little bit of planning to avoid using the facilities not designed for them?

Sirzy this may be a stupid question, but what planning? I mean, I know if I go to Cardiff the best place to take DS is Debenhams, but I go to Cardiff fairly often.

If I'm visiting the in-laws in the North of England what planning should I do (or more accurately have done, DS is 4 and not in nappies anymore)? I know websites often say that facilities are available but afaik don't say whether they're shared or not or how usable they actually are.

I never went out of my way looking for accessible toilets to use - I changed DS in the boot of the car, on grass if we were somewhere like St Fagans and it wasn't a poonami, in the actual doorway to public toilets once when the inside was disgusting and there was nobody else waiting.

I tried not to be a nuisance, and it did restrict my movements - I don't drive and DS and I never went anywhere by bus and only on the train a few times because it did feel too difficult, probably because I wasn't well after the birth. Tbh if it had been 40 years ago I'd probably have been pretty much stuck at home as I don't think I could have managed.

plan your journey a little better - even if that sometimes involves waiting until you get home to use the restroom.

faithinthesound umm, yeah. Third degree tear. Things were a bit dicey in that department for a while. Even without that, a hot day when you've been drinking loads to stay hydrated, don't think I could hang on for an hour plus.

I have a radar key and a medical condition. I'm delighted to see more and more signs on loo doors saying 'not all disabilities are visible'. I'm prepared these days to show all to any git who challenges me. It rarely happens now. I think I've got old enough to look as if I might be genuine. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing .

Nobody should have to shit in their pants because someone else wants to change their top! Dawn .

I agree absolutely that we need to campaign for more family loos and spaces for little chairs & and buggies in at least one cubicle in a row. But calling for this is not mutually exclusive with being a good citizen and not abusing the few disabled facilities available.

FanjofortheMammaries I'm sure many of us have been ill or injured and been temporarily 'disabled' in some way. I'm surprised there isn't more empathy really.

About 13 years ago I injured my knee and was on crutches and that was one hell of an eye opener on how inaccessible some buildings are.

Post-natally my problem was the medication I had to take for high blood pressure. Made me feel very ill, and I would not have felt safe trying to hold my baby while on the toilet or using a carrier (plus as soon as I put him in one he wanted to feed, even if he'd just finished a feed). Of course I didn't have to as we didn't go out very much. Then I was ok, but he started feeding hourly, so that made it difficult to have lunch let alone go anywhere.

And then of course he decided he was terrified of those stupid pull down baby change shelves and hand dryers. I loved the baby stage, but the one thing I definitely don't miss is changing nappies when out and about.

While I understand where you are coming from and would never use a disabled parking bay as I am perfectly able bodied, I do use disabled toilets if I am out usually only after meals to do my (diabetic) injection but I presume I'm not the type of person you are referring to?

But I get very dirty looks off people when walking out of the disabled toilet, if it's just that I need to use the toilet I will use the standard toilets. But when injecting I use disabled so I can wash hands before and after injecting, plus I often have my 3 yo DD in tow and find it's too cramped to inject with me and her squashed in the cubicle.

What I think is that people are very unreasonable about this issue on these threads. Being a parent isn't always easy and I think this site exists to support parents, as we have been reminded many times. Some of the posts here are quite scathing and inflammatory about parents doing fairly reasonable things to make their lives manageable.

Problem is some people interpret "supporting parents" as "let parents do what the fuck they like with no consideration for the impact it might have on others"

Sirzy

Well I certainly don't think I was suggesting that.

"support parents,"
im a parent, fanjo is a parent dawndonna is a parent to name just 2
is it only ablebodidied parents or children that get that support?

SynysterGates

Of course not. Is it only parents with disabilities or parents of children with disabilities? Of course not. Why does it have to be either or?

That's right Synyster there seems to an assumption that people with disabilities shouldn't be breeding!

How anyone can compare the temporary difficulties of being a parent to a baby with having a lifelong disability never ceases to depress me.

im tempted to start a thread for us "non parents" to see if we can come up with a new name....i am feeling very othered at the moment.
I will tell dd I am not a mum....

I do think there needs to be clearer guidelines as there seems to be misunderstandings about what the accessible toilets are for.

I have a disability, although not mobility, but for the past few months I have been using crutches due to spd. I was accosted coming out of the accessible toilets by a lady in a wheelchair bemoaning me that I had used the 'wheelchair' toilets and that she'd had to wait. I did the mumbled 'sorry but I am actually disabled too' speech that I've had to use before but it made me feel awful that I had to justify myself.

I like the idea of the 'invisible disability' poster some establishments are now putting up but I think some people are just arseholes that will abuse this, as anyone can now claim an invisible disability to justify themselves. I can't see how this can be implemented as it will feel just as humiliating having to 'prove' something that is not really anyone's business, with a card or something.

SauvignonBlanche

I hope you don't mean in my posts!

Some of the posts here are quite scathing and inflammatory about parents doing fairly reasonable things to make their lives manageable.

No, they are not. They are scathing about people accessing facilities not fought for or designed for them, whilst dismissing the fact that we are a) parents accessing a parenting site

b) Parents with disabilities and
c) Parents of children with disabilities.
I know it seems a tad confusing, this 'accessible' word having been appropriated by all and sundry, but really it isn't that hard. If you're not disabled and it isn't a shared facility, be kind enough to leave it empty for someone who needs it. Think of it as your good deed for the day.

Why are parents of young children continually pitted against disabled people whether on buses or in toilet facilities?

Because parents keep trying to co-opt facilities for disabled people and then whining if they're challenged.

If you're not disabled and it isn't a shared facility, be kind enough to leave it empty for someone who needs it.