To ask if I'm a bad mum :(

[Squtternutbosch]

I'm a single mum of a 6 month old boy. I love him to the ends of the earth but I'm really struggling and it's making me feel like a terrible mother.

His dad is away at the moment and I've been by myself with my son since Saturday morning. He's been sick since last weekend, although he seems to be on the mend, and he's being so difficult. He is weepy and clingy, he's awake every 2 hours through the night, it takes an hour to get him to sleep, I can't put him down without him screaming. He has this really high pitched scream which just goes on and on and on until I pick him up. This evening, after an hour of getting him to sleep only for him to wake up and scream as soon as I put him down, I caught myself snapping "for fucks sake, DS" as I picked him up out of his crib, more roughly than I should have done (but not dangerously, I should clarify). And I feel terrible about it.

I am massively sleep deprived. I have cabin fever. I am frustrated and weepy and lonely. I have no family around and very few friends.

I feel like I'm being a rubbish mum. I am living for the times when he sleeps and not enjoying the times he's awake because I'm stressing and trying to get all my housework done, get his lunch made, and generally worrying about him. He's usually such a happy, smiley little boy that it's really unusual and unsettling for him to be like this.

We are not spending quality time together, we are just existing one day to the next, and I feel like I am letting him down. My beautiful, beloved son. I feel awful :(

AIBU and a rubbish mum??

I said 'right, shut up now ds' and 'ffs' last night to my six month old. I rarely swear so immediately after I started bawling. He didn't even hear me, he was whining in his sleep loudly, for an hour

I try and get out for a walk every day if it's just me and him, bit of fresh air and change of scenery. His dad works 12/13 hour shifts so a lot of the time it is just us. Is there a sure start anywhere near you? I go weekly to the baby weigh in for something to do! Mine does free/cheap baby classes too.

It can be so lonely with a baby, I go to the shop and end up talk to a poor unsuspecting person and basically end up vomiting every thought I've had since 6 am because they're the first adult interaction I've had all day!

You're doing a brilliant job 🌷🌹🌷🍰

Oh and you are totally right that this 'being a mum' lark is so much harder than anyone ever told me! It is so, so difficult and even more so if you don't have a good support network.

Your son is just getting to the age where all the effort finally pays off and he'll start playing and laughing bad crawling and all kinds of fun. Hang on in there!

On the subject of food, you can get lots of good organic 'ready meals' - my son loves the Organix carrot crisps.

I highly recommend going to a local baby group too. Baby Sensory and all is very nice but it's often the church hall ones where you get made a cup of tea and one of the volunteers will come over and play with baby and give you a break!

You aren't a bad mum AT ALL! But please get out of the house, you'll both feel so much better for it and sleep better I'm sure. The baby needs the fresh air to get over the illness, and you need to shake off the cabin fever and get moving. Chuck something on and just walk

It is super hard and it sounds like you're doing a great job.

Just a thought on the co sleeping, I'm the same as you couldn't relax in bed with Ds for fear of rolling on him. I got a sleepyhead grand and that sorted it. Takes up one whole side of the bed but means I know he's safe and I sleep so much better. His side of the bed is against the wall too.

I still put him down in his cot at the start of the night and will usually do one resettle. After that I take him in with me. You can pick up sleepyheads secondhand fairly reasonably.

Take care of yourself and don't be so hard on yourself.

Don't worry Hun, we've all been there x

Once when my DS turned to walk away after giving me a particularly hard time, I stuck 2 fingers up at him behind his back.

I have a 7 month old and I will not be surprised if her first words are 'just fucking sleep' or 'fuck ya, I'll take you downstairs'

I use a splash of anbesol on my daughter for her teeth. I stick her in her high chair and give her things like toast. She's quite likes crumpets.

Pouches are used for ease at times when I simply can't be arsed.

She wakes at 2ish and 5ish before been awake for the day at 7ish. I'm not that keen on her lately

Leave the dusting and hoovering.

You're not a bad mum. You're knackered and stressed. Be a little kinder to yourself.

And btw the swearing? You are the ONLY person who will ever remember that happened.

Sick kids are hard work. You are exhausted and sleep deprived. Give yourself a break. Skip the housework and grab forty winks when he is napping. When you are feeling a bit more energised then do a bit. No mum is superhuman we just think we should be.

The quiet swearing....continues well into the teen years...you just have to be more careful

You're doing great. Its exhausting.

Oh OP don't worry, you're not a rubbish mum at all, just a normal mum. I remember those days of practically no sleep, feeling like a hallucinating zombie, crying at everything, feeling generally crap. You aren't alone.

Squtternutbosch you are a normal mum.

However, you need to make some new friends and build up support groups for yourself, IMHO.

Your baby is old enough for toddler groups, even if you sit holding him, they will most likely have baby gyms etc there. And you can chat to the other mums or dads etc.

If your negative feelings continue, I would speak to health visitor or GP as some mums have the baby blues and it is best to talk to someone about it.

Make sure you sleep when baby sleeps. If you have any friends who you trust to watch baby while you go for a walk, a swim or simply go back to bed, please do call on them.

And housework? Do not focus on this, make sure that the place is only as tidy as you need it to be. Keep the baby's items, the kitchen and the bathroom clean - and the rest of the house can be as you like it.

Plus if it is a nice day get baby in the pushchair, make sure he has sun cream on and/or is fully shaded by parasol, and/or go out before it gets too warm/after it cools down for some fresh air.

It will get easier and you will feel more confident as time goes on. You are a good mum, you just need a bit more support.

But then don't we all.

You're doing great. Babies are just really hard work. He could be teething, or he could just be being a normal toothless baby. Either way, as long as you have baby paracetamol (store brand is the same and half the price of calpol), and you're both fed and watered, and clean enough to not attract flies, then you're in the normal New Mum zone.