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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Getting a bit resentful

60 replies

Workitbabe · 22/05/2017 17:59

Hi I have been on here before about this issue but still don't know if I am being unreasonable.
Step son is 21 and lives with me and his dad plus my daughters aged 10 and 14 from my previous marriage .

Ss works full time and earns £18k. He was paying £150 a month for rent, food and bills. When we moved 3 months ago dp said he would ask ss for an increase in this to £300 as the mortgage increased. He is still paying £150. He works from home now so that has cut petrol and he is eating lunch here every day plus his girlfriend stays every other weekend.
I am becoming increasingly naffed off with dp for not asking for the extra money. Council tax alone is £ 210 a month so £70 per adult, so in effect he is paying £20 a week for everything. Am I being unreasonable to be getting hacked off and what can I do??

OP posts:

StickThatInYourPipe · 22/05/2017 18:02

I don't know if your being unreasonable but I only paid £150 a month when I lived with my parents. They encouraged me to save to get on the housing ladder

OllyBJolly · 22/05/2017 18:05

Surely council tax is per household if there are two adults (i.e. no student or single person discount)? So that's not an argument.

I'm with Stick. Doubling his rent because your mortgage increased seems a bit steep. Can you compromise?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 22/05/2017 18:07

Why is he paying £150 when his father asked him to pay £300?

Kokusai · 22/05/2017 18:08

I'm with Stick. Doubling his rent because your mortgage increased seems a bit steep. Can you compromise?

But the 21 year old probably gets to benefit from the bigger house?

£150/month for food and board is a pretty good deal at age 21!

lalalalyra · 22/05/2017 18:08

I don't think it's fair to increase his digs because your mortgage increased - especially doubling them.

However, if he is working for home and therefore costing you more then it would be fair to increase his contribution to cover that.

ThePants999 · 22/05/2017 18:08

Don't just split things three ways - look at the difference between costs with him there vs costs with him not there. E.g. council tax is irrelevant, you'd pay the same whether he's there or not. That said, don't forget to account for the emotional cost of sharing your home with another person.

Kokusai · 22/05/2017 18:09

OP if its pissing you off now, it is going to be even worse in winter if he is still working from home and using loads of gas during the day!

missiondecision · 22/05/2017 18:10

A fairly decent contribution if you need the money.
A token contribution and some money saved for their own place, eventually.

zeeboo · 22/05/2017 18:10

Unless he chose to buy the house and take on the larger mortgage it isn't his problem that it is more expensive. £300 a month on a low salary like that seems a bit much for me. He shouldn't be on equal financial responsibility with the homeowners, he's a lodger.

missiondecision · 22/05/2017 18:12

Ss and girlfriend could cook for you all a couple of times a week. They provide the food. That can work well for people I know.

SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 · 22/05/2017 18:17

I can see where you're coming from, but you decided to move into a bigger house. As a young person it's impossible to get on the housing ladder nowadays as the rental market is so high making it very difficult to save. Whereabouts in the country are you?

If he's saving for a deposit then I think doubling his rent is a bit unreasonable, I'd suggest something like 220 per month, since he works at home and eats your food.

Mumzypopz · 22/05/2017 18:17

The mortgage is not his responsibility, it is yours. He pays rent. You can set him whatever is reasonable. If he is working from home more you could perhaps increase it, but why double it? Seems a bit steep.

Mumzypopz · 22/05/2017 18:18

And council tax is not his responsibility either. We are not back in poll tax days.

Ecureuil · 22/05/2017 18:19

Was he involved in the decision to move to a bigger house? If not, it seems pretty unreasonable to charge him more because your mortgage has increased. Yes he's benefiting from the house but he may well have been happy to stay in the old one and only pay £150!
Has he even been asked to pay the £300?

Allthewaves · 22/05/2017 18:20

Is he saving? Does he have his own room? And why the increase when u moved?

StickThatInYourPipe · 22/05/2017 18:25

I'm with Stick. Doubling his rent because your mortgage increased seems a bit steep. Can you compromise?

But the 21 year old probably gets to benefit from the bigger house?

Yeah - because the OP moved so her ss could have a bigger room

QuiteLikely5 · 22/05/2017 18:25

Are you strapped for cash?

muckypup73 · 22/05/2017 18:25

I dont think it fair to increase it because your mortgage has increased, if thats what hes always paid then thats what he should pay.

DeadGood · 22/05/2017 18:26

"The mortgage is not his responsibility, it is yours."

This. So what if your mortgage has gone up? If he moved out, you'd be even worse off.

Talk to him about the C Tax (is it seriously charged per adult? Wow) and if true, ask for a bit more to cover that. And maybe go with the dinner suggestion. But you do sound pretty unhospitable to him, I'd try to hide that for the sake of familial harmony

witsender · 22/05/2017 18:27

A lot would depend on his plans tbh. Is he looking or saving? The increase in your mortgage isn't his problem unless you bought the bigger house to facilitate him living there.

StickThatInYourPipe · 22/05/2017 18:30

The increase in your mortgage isn't his problem unless you bought the bigger house to facilitate him living there.

And if that is the case, you should have discussed this with him before you mdecided to move.

Ditsy1980 · 22/05/2017 18:35

Pretty sure council tax is per household unless you get single person discount.

Did you move solely to benefit SS? If not then why should he pay so much more towards mortgage? He shouldn't be penalised because you and DH wanted to move.

TBH, I might be biased as my parents only took a token payment off me for board so I find it odd that people should want high payments off their children.

Joffmognum · 22/05/2017 18:41

I feel £50/week is fair enough, he shouldn't cost you any more than that. Any more is making a profit off of a family member (your partners child) and I wouldn't be okay with that.

Don't ask for £300/week, that's too much. If you feel like he should contribute more, make a list of jobs he's responsible for. One third of the housework is fair enough, unless he's happy to do more or makes more mess than you do.

Joffmognum · 22/05/2017 18:42

£300/month, sorry.

Joffmognum · 22/05/2017 18:42

£300/month, sorry.

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