I've been on MN for a decade under various names. But this recent obsession with using such cruel phrases to women living with domestic violence has me floored.
When did people stop giving women the National Domestic Violence Helpline number and instead go straight to victim blaming language? Telling women it's their fault that their partners are violent is what perpetrators say. It's the last thing women experiencing domestic violence need to hear.
One of the strengths of MN versus all the other parenting sites has been the strong supportive advice on the relationships board (and elsewhere) to women experiencing domestic violence and abuse by helping women process their experiences and safety plan for themselves and children. Now, there is always a bunch of women lining up to tell traumatised women it's their own fault. There is no recognition of the grooming process involved in domestic violence and the very real threats of harming children. Domestic violence and abuse is a process of terrorism. It's not about low self confidence.
When did MN become a place so lacking in empathy that the default is becoming blaming women instead of holding men accountable?