To think a 5 year shouldn't be allowed so much freedom.

[yayayahey]

So we went to a kids party on the weekend and the birthday child and two of her friends (she was 5, other kids 6 and 5) were playing 5 minutes from the house on the sea wall.

You couldn't see them from the house and her Dad said "she spends hours at a time down there, it's great she can have the freedom."

I hate being that judgey parent but was so surprised I said "my God do you think that's safe?!" and had the two parents (very gently and nicely) lecturing me on how kids need freedom and I needed to loosen up when ds (3.5) got a little older.

A number of things could have happened to her. She could slip (good 10 foot drop) and smash her head, she call fall in the ocean and drown, or god forbid somebody could take her. It's a a very naice seaside town but still, it can happen anywhere.

I really wasn't being unreasonable in thinking a 5 year old shouldn't be playing out alone for hours at a time was I?! I know you can never eliminate all risk but 5 seems so young! Dh is so fucking laid back he was all "oh I don't know, each to their own." And now they all think I'm some weird, ott, helicopter Mum.

9/10 is fine - that's when I was allowed out properly on my own, to town etc. We didn't live by the sea though.

It's just easy parenting for them really.under the disguise of giving her freedom

We live near the sea and most 10/11 yos don't even go down to the seafront on their own, definitely more common once they are at secondary school. In no circumstances would I let a 7/8 yo to the sea in a group with no adults

Even for benign-neglect-me, this is very odd. Far too young.

Wow. I generally think far too many people have become overprotective helicopter parents these days, but IMO it is insane to allow a 5-year-old to play unsupervised on a sea wall. I'm very much in favour of allowing children to gain independence and play without adult involvement in safe settings. But this situation sounds genuinely dangerous.

I think you're definitely in the right here. There's a balance to be found between insanely overprotective and verging on not actually taking responsibility for your child.
And you are totally correct in thinking you should ALWAYS ask before petting someone's dog.
Apologies for the Daily Mail link but this is why kids on scooters terrify me:
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4504336/Boy-scooter-crashes-car-terrifying-footage.html

I'm a 70's kid and my Dad was very much the - leave the house in the morning and be back by tea time- type when we hit about 7/8. The stupid shit we used to get up to (jumping off bridges in to the local river, making tunnels in haybarns etc) make my blood run cold!

I had a free range 1970s upbringing by the sea and I was an early swimmer, but even I wasn't allowed on the beach or by the wall unsupervised at 5 because that would have been madness. There was plenty of time for that at 11+.

I have a 5 yo DD and there's no way I'd let her go to a seawall with a 10ft drop by herself.

A 5 year old (distant relative on partners side) was allowed out to the park and on one occasion decided to cross the road. Was hit by a car and and was left fighting for her life and is now severely disabled (mentally and physically). Needs 24hr care.
No matter how much you trust them and how "sensible they are" it only takes a split second for a massive accident. Its just not worth a risk!

YANBU re the sea wall or the dogs. Their lack of common sense (and tbh, natural parental protective instinct) is astounding. Absolutely no way is that sensible or safe.

1. YDNBU - 5 is ridiculously young to be out and about alone, let alone on a sea wall with a 10ft drop. I'm all for risk taking - really, tree climbing, using real tools, cutting with sharp knives etc. - but properly supervised so that risk can be judged and children can learn to assess for themselves (as a previous poster said).

1. A dog's owner should always be asked before they are stroked. We have had to drum this into one nephew, who used to assume all dogs were happy to be stroked (like his 2 dogs at home, so no fear of them at all). He now very politely asks if the dog is friendly and if he can stroke it, and isn't offended if the owner says no.

1. I would think 11+ to go to the beach alone. I live on the coast and it's generally secondary aged children at the beach alone. And then I would give strict safety warnings - the beach is awesome, but the sea needs respecting if everyone is to stay safe.

Yanbu. That is insane. I have a 5yo and would not let her out of sight in public let alone by the Sea!

Yanbu. I'm with you op, my dh on the other hand is much more easy going a bit like your dh I suppose. I'm not a helicopter parent but assess the risks appropriately.

I love the idea of giving freedom to my 5-year-old, and would like to do that a lot more, but just reading the original post has got me panicking! Think I'll leave it a couple more years...

Mine are 8 and 10 and I've only just started letting them out, even now I make them come home every half an hour or an hour

I'm not a parent but that does sound absolutely crazy. 5 is so, so young....could barely be in reception! Far too young to be playing out unsupervised, never mind by the sea.

I grew up by the sea...moved to an island with parents when I was 6. We were given water-safety lessons, taught how to use clothes to make floration devices (always had life jackets on when on sailing boats), learned to tread water, swim with rip tides, etc. But I was never allowed onto the beach without my older sister or a parent until 9-10. Your friends are taking a terrible risk with their DD. Drowning is still THE no.1 leading cause of death for children 5 and under, in US, and second-leading cause of death up to age 14. Even swimming pools are dangerous...the sea is merciless. Oh, and I fell off our bulkhead wall several times as an older child, when the tide was out. Lots of blood and tears! YADNBU.

They're all hyper intelligent people with doctorates..

IME, people like that tend to be more relaxed with regard to their DC's safety. It's almost like they feel their class and status will protect them from the things the rest of us worry about.

I have loads of friends like this: a university professor who regularly let her

Soon as I saw naice I stopped reading

Its NICE . Or is it an affective Naice ? Whatever it is its ridiculously cringey

I'm a laid back parent but wouldn't be happy about the 10ft drop.

Would I be right in thinking you aren't in England (you say ocean in your op), are there some cultural differences at play here, I wouldn't think many English parents would be OK with this

Oh I would have felt the same! Even with children of 10 and 12 I wouldn't be letting them walk on a wall with a 10ft drop into the sea (though am not there the whole time but would hope they wouldn't)!

Thinking about it, my 5 year old has excellent balance. He can run along walls no problem without stumbling or falling.

Except that yesterday he wasn't paying attention (his friend was there) and he fell off. 2 foot into a bush we laughed

No way would I allow him near a 10 foot wall unless I was holding onto him!

naice is obligatory mumsnet speak. Nobody would use it in RL.

Sea wall! 5! That's just excusing lazy parenting as pp have said. Reminds me of the McCanns.